Desperate Housewife

I need to moan.......

I pushed DH to get a new job as he wasn't happy with his old one, he found one he really really wanted but it involved a lot of travelling so he was unsure how I would feel. I still pushed him to get it and he got it.
I didn't complain whe he went to the USA for two weeks for training despite my Grandfather dying, I didn't complain when he told me he had to go away for 2 nights a week running up to Chritmas, then a week in Taiwan in January and a week away in February (not to mention the other nights away in between) and now he'll be going to India too.

However, now I feel like a desperate housewife.
If he leaves work at 4.30pm he gets home gone 5, walks the dog and then works, then he'll have a conference call so he will work sometimes up to midnight.
He took me out for dinner 2 nights ago we were out for 2 hours and every few mins he was checking his phone for e-mails and then we rushed back for his conference call.
Last night was the only night he hadn't worked and he went out with his friends.

Tonight he won't be home til 6ish where he has a conference call til 7pm then he has another at 8pm til 10ish which is when I go to bed. He said I'm spending toorrow afternoon with him (4 o'clock we have an antenatal appointment) and then the weekend - well actually we're going to MILs which means we won't spend much time together as MIL has a list of things she wants him to do.
Now in his last job I admit I wasn't very supportive but this one I have been trying so hard to be supportive and I feel like I'm being walked all over. There's so much to do at home here but when he comes home I don't want him to bugger off and do chores I want a cuddle on the sofa.
So far this week last night was the first night we went to bed at the same time.

Sorry I just needed to vent

Sounds like you're having a rough time. What sort of work is it? I'm guessing IT of some sort as it sounds like some of the things I have had to do.

I used to work for a local company, and then the manufacturers of one of the products I worked for offered me a job. I took a long time to decide whether or not it was the right thing to do and also talked to my wife a lot about it. I expected to be away 1 week in 4, which turned out to be about right. But working for an American company and looking after all of Europe, I would end up starting early to be able to work with people in Eastern Europe and then working late as I would need to talk to people in America. I worked from home and found it difficult to separate home and work life. Some times I would work until midnight but these were rare, and not the norm.

Talk to him, explain how you feel. Try to understand what he is doing and why he has all of these conference calls. It seems very unreasonable, but maybe he is just trying to get his feet under the table in his new job, and once he is established there it will calm down a bit. If you're going out together get him to leave his work phone at home so that he's not looking for emails all the time.

Don't be too fast to judge people. I let my job consume a large portion of my time and affect my life to a degree, but weekends were my time and I avoided work as much as possible then. Occasionally however there was little or no choice as things had to get done.

At the time we decided that it was a sacrifice that had to be made for 2 reasons. I although I worked longer hours, I was a lot less stressed at the job and it benefited us in the time I was not working, additionally we were fincancially better off. The second reason was more a personal one, but if I worked hard for a couple of years I would be able to build a reputation which would then help to carry me forward with me being able to do less work. I am starting now 4 years in to see that happening.

On another note, I had lost a lot of my confidence in myself as a person. I didn't go out, or do anything much outside of family life. Since meeting my wife 9 years ago, in the first 4 years I put on 4 stone in weight. The only place I felt like I fitted and belonged, and I was confident, was when I was at work. To that degree it became a bit of a crutch.

Now I am going to the gym and trying to lose the weight and get fit again. I am going skiing in January, and in August I will be cycling Lands End to John O'Groats (or the other way around). You'll probably see me plugging for sponsorship next year!