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Advice on run away - raising my little brother

smellyhsmellyh
posted 1 decade 2 months ago
Hello

I am new to this group, and thought I'd join to see if I could get some outside information/help.

some info, Me and my wife are 28 years old, my little brother is 14 and my mother lives 600kms away.

here is the story:

I am looking after my 14 year old adopted brother (was abandoned by birth mother and my mother raised him)

He is living at my house because he was living in a rural area with one school and was having a hard time adjusting. (no friends, small school)

Home schooling did not work.
My Wife and I agreed (along with my mom, his guardian) that coming to live at my house and going to school in a larger city might help not only his grades, but give him the opportunity to meet friends his own age.

everything went fine for one year, he was going his school work and asside from the occasion resistance to do homework and chores (like a normal kid) he was good.

Now he just started a new school year and his attitude has been different. He has been testing his bountrys, but nothing serious.

Now to the recent incident: He has a cell phone that we pay for so that we can always contact him while he is out. We also let him use it as his personal phone too. One day I grabbed it out of a joke to see a txt message I had sent him. He quickly took it out of my hands, locked himself in the bathroom until he deleted all text messages. Shocked that he would so this I asked him why he did that... he was very hesitant.

My wife and I then took the cell phone away, and did not let him use the internet or land line to talk to his friends for 2 days. after the second day he packed up all his stuff and snuck it off to a friends (while we were working). Talked to his and my mom and said that things were bad, and played on her heart a bit.

My mom told him he should stay at his friends that night (she was unaware he took all his stuff to another friends). and our mother never called me or my wife to tell us any of this, I found his stuff missing.

Our mom tried to get him to come back to my place, but he would not. (my mom was always a push over, even when I was growing up).

my wife finally got my little brother to come home to talk. He came in like he owned the place and laid down why he was not happy. he said "he wants no curfew, and wants to be at parties with high school kids who are drinking". of course my wife and I said "no way". my little brother left again, and I told him if he does not come back to these rules by yesterday he is no longer welcome in our house. (he did not come back)

My mom is coming to get him and take him back to the farm where his only choice is home schooling. The problem is he had tried home schooling and he was behind 2 school years. I know he won't do his home schooling going back, and feel he will drop out of school.

The farm is very dysfunctional, with their finances, there gambling issues, ect.

here is my questions...

What could I have done that was different?

Should I wash my hands knowing he will drop out of home schooling?


chezchez
posted 1 decade 2 months ago
hi hun sorry to hear what you are going through. I used to be a bit of a tearaway myself when i was a teenager. There is nothing diffrent you could have done for him you have tried your best you cant try anymore stick to your word though hunni because he will be the one saying he is sorry when he is more muture. When he is feeling that way out like wanting to run away not having rules ect he will not want to hear anything else but that you are going to give in and that he can get his own way. But you are in the right by sticking by your word keep it up hunni because if he sees you as a push over he will do it all the more. No matter what you say about his schooling he wont listen but he will regret it when he does calm down and sees what a mess he has made of his life and will spend alot of time trying to fix it again like i had to. HOPE YOUR OK ANY WAY X X X

Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 1 decade 2 months ago
sorry to hear this,but i myself was like this,and i bet you were too! itsa way of growing up! the way my parents dealt with it,and the way my nephewss and neices are dealt with,and the way i will treat my little one when he is this age is to let them know that i dont mind them drinking aslong as its under my roof not in a park or some mad house party... that way,he thinks ur the cool big brother,but u can keep an eye on him too and monitor what hes drinking.we all got to this age,where we tried booze,a smoke,sex... hes reached this age,and he will pass it too... let us know how things go,just let him know that boundaries are set for his own protection,and make it clear that he can talk to you - as we all know teenagers DONT talk to grownups!!
my neice thinks im the cool aunty,i let her come here when times r hard,when she needs a chat or a getaway,i also let her have a little drink too,but under my roof,i know what and how much shes drinking,id rather her do it at mine of home than in the street (like i used to!)

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