Here we go again...

Hi guys, here for another little vent

As most of you know, I applied for assistance for Aaralyn's pre-school tuition as I'm paying $185.00 per week for her to be there full time. I recently got a letter stating that with assistance I would only have to pay $56.00 per week, so I'm like YAY!! that's awesome! Well, I go on to read the rest of the paper and it states that my assistance would end Sept 1st, now I'm thinking why is this?? She had only started on the 29th or 30th of August.... well, it turns out that the Governor of RI has passed a new law to cut budgets toward assistance for single parents or low income families for schooling/day care (once they go to kindie, you don't pay anymore unless it's private school) anyway have a year to wait for that as Aaralyn starts kindie next Sept because you have to be 5 by Sept 1st and she turns 5 in Feb...

Anyway, back to the dilema, of course now involves her father again, as most of you know I have been telling him that I need a little more help from him and now I really need it as right now her weekly pre-schooling costs half of my weekly salary right now... and what her father gives each week barely even covers a quarter of her weekly tuition... not including all other expenses, food, clothes, roof over heads, ya know that kind of nescesary stuff.

So I actually asked my boss today if they could give me a decrease in salary so that I could qualify for pre-school assistance (did the math and figured out how much I could make and still get the assistance)... they said they couldn't because of policy and they pay based on the national average for that position, ect...

So next thing I do is let her father know that I really really need more help from him now... what did I get? a big fat NO! as usual.. he's going to school, blah, blah, blah, yea I'm proud that he is able to do that but I've had to beg, borrow, and(not)steal to make sure she is provided for. I told him in that case that I was going to decline the child support that he gives me, re-apply for the assistance and let the state take him to court for child support. I'm not doing this to be a bitch but I have no other option than to quit this job which can provide a great future for Aaralyn and I, take a lower paying job that may not have good benefits and get the assistance.

It may seem crazy to do this but doing the math, if I don't get the money from him each week, then I would not be over what the gross income would be to qualify and the assistance would be more than what I get from him... I hope this is all making sense??

He sees this as me trying to make it look like he's a bad dad with not paying child support, he won't get in trouble as we were never married and it's not court ordered yet... My friend suggested for me to maybe have him open a savings account in Aaralyn's name and put that money in it each week... that way I don't have to report it as child support, he will still be putting it toward Aaralyn as it should be and then I would still get the assistance until I am in the position of getting decent pay increases, which will happen every three months after I am there a year and then I won't need assistance for her schooling as she'll be in public and I'll only need a little bit of before and after school care at that point.

Just one other thing... Her Dad actually said to me that I should pretend that he was not in the picture and figure out what I would do then I asked him if he was suggesting that he didn't want to be in her life and he said "no, just think about it that way because I know you would be able to figure it out if I wasn't in the picture" WTF?? No sh*t, I've been figuring it out all along with minimal help from him. So, I'm wondering if he just wishes that I would tell him to go screw and take Aaralyn out of his life, then I could be the bad guy and he could get off free and easy, I hate to think that because I know he loves her, but I really do think that some times.... Ok, this rant over, advise, opinions, hugs, ect all welcome!

ah babe that is a terrible pickle u r in the refusing child support though sounds like a plan u could try and yes having him put it into a bank for Aralyn sounds great i think its worth a try if u get the support u need now and then are able to manage with the money u make then the bank account could be the to help her through college but like u say dont let him get off scott free hope u manage to sort something soon babe
xxx

I agree with what your saying about her dads child support money putting it into an account. Me and Caitlin's dad are going to be doing this as it would affect me too. Least that way when she is older she'll have a lump sum of money to send lol. Her dad is just being pathetic, he seems like one of those guys who wants it all or nothing. Don't take any notice of what her dad says, seems like he wants you to flip out and say get lost, just bare with him for now.

Hi Tammy i just read this,and i think everyone is right,you have to do what you think or know is the right decision for yourself and Aaralyn.I personaly would let the courts deal with that joker why should Aaralyn have to miss out on certain things? she is already missing that emotional bonding with her dad and now he wants to let her education suffer aswel NO,NO,NO
You are doing a great job providing for you both and you are doing your best as i said IMO let the courts deal with him handing over some assistance for HIS daughter for once!!(sorry im being a bit bitchy)
Take care hun .xxxx