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Please help - don't know what to do...

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
My Hubby aspires to be a photographer and is particularly interested in glamour photography. He knows I have a problem with this, and I am trying to be very understanding and let him follow his passion. He is very trustworthy and I do trust him implicitely, however I don't like the idea of him doing the photography and he cannot understand why.
He has said in the past I can attend at shoots etc. but this is not practical as we have 2 young children and they cannot be there.

Last week, he arranged a shoot at our house (we have a home studio) with a model whom he knows I do not like. In the past I have met her once and TBH she was pretty bitchy towards me when he was not in the room, I find her very 2 faced. The first I knew of it was when he said it was arranged "subject to my approval". I said I wasn't overly happy but agreed to the shoot, and tried to arrange somewhere to go with the kids.

The day before I asked him what levels the shoot was (ie how much flesh on show) and he said he didn't know.

On the day of the shoot he was quite abrupt to me and was literally pushing me out the door 5 mins before she arrived. I later saw the shots and saw that he had gone up to nude levels. I feel he hid this from me and I told him I was not happy. We had a discussion about it and he agreed not to do any more nude shots until I was happier.

Last night I was feeling ill and wanted a bit of a cuddle. I had been in the bath for 40mins, during which he had been chatting to this model and sending her pictures on messenger. When I got out I asked for a cuddle and a bit of us time and he snapped he was busy. He eventually gave me a quick hug an hour later.

This morning he stomped out of the house early (whilst I was in bed, when I phoned him on my way to work he brought up that "my paranoia with this model thing is really peeing him off and we need to sort it out". I tried explaining why I wasn't happy, but he wouldn't listen, and ended up shouting at me and since then has refused to speak to me. I am going out for drinks with my boss after work as it is his last day, but I don't want to go home. By text when I asked if he would get the kids, he said it would give him time to pack. I am scared to go home in case he leaves over something so stupid. I feel like getting drunk and either not going home or going home stupidly late. I feel if I gi hone early, he either won't speak with me and I will end up staying in the bedroom all night as the atmosphere will be horrible, or we will just row all night. He is someone who typically takes hours to calm down and has not calmed down all day so far.

Can anyone advise what I do.

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
first of all hun,dont get stupidly drunk! you want to at least be able to remember everything if he does say things,or at least be able to fight back without slurring or falling asleep (iv fallen asleep mid-drunken-row before an it makes things worse!) Smile

i understand his point of how theres no need for you to have a problem with it,its his job and hes bringing in the money isnt he,and i presume the more flesh on show,the more money he will get for his pics?

but on theotherhand,i understand your point of view.not the fact that you dislike him taking pictures,or that you dont get on with this perticular model (after all,theyre all up there own butts aint they!) but the thing with the messenger,thats out of job hours and to me thats abit fishey! id be thinking there was more to it than just a model/photographer relationship. if it is innocent,you need to make it clear that when hes not working,its family time,u and him time.You ned to sit down and have a talk about what it is thats really bothering you as it sounds to me your doubtsare exactly what iv just said aint they,not the fact that hes takin pics of naked people.

theres only you who can decide where to go and what to do,we can only offer advise,but i hope that everything will be ok hun.let us knw x

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
You must be a strong lady to allow him to do that type of work under your roof i could never allow my other half doing a job like that but then again im a very parinoid person so i don't think im of much help to you

all i can suggest is to try and talk if he wont listen then write him a letter leave it were he will see it and hopefully he will read it and take note of how upset you are with the work he does e.c.t hopefully he will maybe stop doing the naked photo shots with models and keep it clean Kiss

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
From what you've described, in my humble opinion, he has been totally out of order. I would hate, repeat hate my BF to do a job such as that and like you, it would really upset me. What I think is even worse is his reaction to your feelings about it, to not even listen to why you're upset is quite disrespectful in my opinion. After all, how would he honestly feel if you were photographing gorgeous naked muscular male models all day? Somehow I don't think he'd love it!

Perhaps pick a time when he's relaxed and has calmed down and say to him that this is really, really upsetting you. That you support his dreams and aspirations to be a photographer but that it makes you feel very insecure and very uncomfortable. Don't accuse him as he'll get defensive, just say how it makes you feel. Would you feel more comfortable if there were other people present?- eg. make up artist or hairdresser to do their hair etc.. as perhaps this could be a compromise? I completely understand your view point as I would hate my partner to do this as a job. I trust him but some glamour girls do have dodgy reputations (sorry, don't mean to generalise or offend anyone, I'm sure lots are very nice girls but as in any profession, you're going to get some not so nice ones as you would in any work place.

I really think you need to talk to him about this again as you sound really upset and need to express these feelings. Hope it goes well hon. Kiss

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
You have been far more reasonable than i would/could ever be.

I'm sorry but there is no way i'd want my husband to do that for a job never mind in our home! Angry

I think if he really wants to this as a career then he has got to accept that firm ground rules need agreeing between the two of you before he does any further shoots.

It would worry me that he is being so unreasonable about the whole thing, he should be the one trying to keep the peace not you. From the sound of it this is a new career move so he dosn't really on it for income. Why upset his family life for it Suspect Teeth

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
If my hubby took nude photos I'd kick his arse,but that's just me. It all amounts to two things, 1-can you tolerate it? and 2-if not will he stop doing it? you need to have the answer to those questions

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
I think I agree with what every one has said here... I am personally a very secure person when it comes to relationships ie: not jealous, but I think this would be an issue for me as well. See where a good open talk about this with him might take you... Let us know how things go for you! Kiss

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
i dont think i could let my DF do some thing like that but that is just me try sitting down and talking too him and tell him you dont like what he did good luck i hope you get things sorted xxx

posted 1 decade 6 years ago
I agree with what's already been said, I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. If it was something that my oh had been doing before I'd met him, then fair dos, I would have had to accept that. BUT if it was a new career move while I was with him then I would say a big fat NO!

I also would not allow glamour models in my house while I lived there, home and work to me are seperate. I hope you can make him understand your point. Good luck hun. x

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