Am i in the wrong?- any advice gratefully received!

Ok, this is a rather long story but I am having real problems with my neighbour. I live in a semi-detached house that we moved into a year ago. We had only been there a month when the neighbour came round with a list of complaints- 1. that our dogs had been barking, 2. that our roof ariel was hanging too low and 3. that we were having a barbeque which made her washing smell. Ok, firstly, we have 2 yorkshire terriers who bark when someone comes to the door- she says they bark "constantly" which is not true as I've videotaped them when I've gone out to find out the truth and they don't at all. When I am in the house they don't bark at all and they never ever bark at night.

The second bone of contention is the fence- we share a garden boundary and we wanted to put up a 6 foot (totally legal) fence for privacy and to keep the dogs in. She said no way as the boundary belonged to her and wouldn't let us. She said if we put up a fence it would "ruin her life" (her actual words!) because it would stop the sunlight in her garden and she would have no view (this is not true as it is a north facing garden that gets no sun anyway) I have really tried to talk to her and understand her point of view and to explain that we would really like some privacy in the garden, she said to me, "why do you want privacy?- its only me" (!!!!). Except, its not only her, its her and her 4 teenage sons who live there. The other thing that annoys me is that her sons play really loud banging music that I can hear vibrating through the walls but when I tell her this she says I'm being "petty" and refuses to beleieve me (her sons only play the music when she is out) they also have motorbikes which rev alot outside.

Anway, we got completely fed up of this and at the weekend my DH put up a 6 foot fence two inches inside of the boundary so it sits in our garden as the only view we get from our lounge is of her horrible underpants on the washing line!!! The fence is within the legal height limit and its in our garden so there's not much she can do about it. Since then I've heard her cursing in the garden loudly and slamming doors and windows. I hate having this atmosphere but what else can I do? I've tried talking to her rationally but she refuses to listen to me. Please tell me honestly, am I in the wrong? I really want to be friendly with her but I also feel that we paid alot of money for our house and so have the right to do what we like with it (within reason of course!!). Anyone else been in this situation?...

you are not being unreasonable!!!!

you are totally within your rights to put up a fence to keep dogs in and to have your privacy.

you have tried to do it right by speaking to her amicably and letting her know your intentions (which you dont have to do) and trying to pave the way for a civil relationship which she has rejected.

dont let it bother you hun some people really have a problem with neighbours especially if she was good friends with the last people there she probably is narked they moved or she is a totally unreasonable person and is like this with most people.

Don't let her tell you how to live your life. If your dogs where noisy then you would hear. Your allowed a 6 ft fence, if she doesn't get light in her garden because of this and its going to ruin her life then she doesn't have may problems by the sound of it or a life. As for her boys if she isn't going to listen to you then take no notice of her. Not sure what to suggest about her sons playing the music, hope you get it sorted.

if i was u hun id get recordings and times of events like her boys playing music as if this ever got any worse u'd have eveidence to back u up hun - why cant anyone ever get on lol!

Thanks girls! I just needed another opinion. You know what its like when someone keeps accusing you of something, you start doubting and think, am I the one being unreasonable? I have documented all the times her sons have played the music just in case I need it for the council. Its madness, life is so short, why can't people just get along?

I know that she did lose her husband a year ago after a long illness and to be honest I think she is still really angry and bitter about it and is looking to vent this anger (unfortunately onto us!!) I have tried to be supportive to her and listen to her feelings about this loss and sometimes she seems ok and opens up, but then she'll suddenly get stroppy about something again! Bottom line, you're right girls, we do have a right to privacy in our garden and to keep the dogs in and she'll just have to get used to it...

I would keep a diary of her cursing, slamming, and noise as this is anti social behaviour. Can I ask, is this council propertys? if so they take a very grim view on Anti Social behaviour and do act very quickly on it. So keep a nuiciance diary and get the evidence together, people have no right to make others lives miserable, no matter what the circumstances!

i think u have done nothing wrong, its in ur garden so at least u have been thoughtful in ur ideas and not put it up on her boundary....

I agree, I think you've done nothing wrong, sounds like you've only tried to make it right. to you for trying so hard to keep the peace. Good luck, I hope it doesn't get worse.

i hope it all gets sorted soon hun,we get along with all our neighbours (like on the show)but the family that live right next door are very rude and anti-social oh and did i mention racist????????
We found that ignoring them solved everything some people just thrive on confrontation.

i cant believe shes moaning bout yr dogs yet calls you 'petty' for saying something about the loud music. yr not being unfair at all hun. shes the one being petty

Thanks guys. Rich- our house is owned by us but it was an ex-council property years ago before we bought it. Not sure if hers is though so am presuming that the council would not get involved in this case.

My walls are vibrating as I type this!! (I wouldn't mind so much but they have dreadful taste in music! ) The only good thing is that we're not planning to be here long, now we've got our little boy we'd love to have another one soon and so would need to move to a bigger house eventually. Its much more bearable when you know that its only temporary. At least I don't have to see her skanky pants on the line anymore thanks to the fence!!