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Need some help with this

Ban00Ban00
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
Hi, I have been going out with a girl for over 3 years now, we met when we were about to finish out first year of college/university, I found her cute and sexy, and hadnt had a serious relationship before, and wasnt really looking for a serious relationship. We talked for a while, before she agreed to go out with me, when we strted going out, she was great, she was spontanious, and sexy, and really liked to make out, and a little heavy touching. She told me she was a virgin, and didnt want to have sex before marrige, I was fine with that, and I didnt have much experience with girls before so I thaght that whatever I was getting was good.

Ever since then, slowly slowly, she started to talk about marriage, and how she wanted to tell her parents, and have it sorted out between us, I must tell you at this moment that she told her mum and sister and brother when she was going out with me, because she didnt wana lie to them, but she didnt tell her father, my parents found out about her, after finding her pictures and so on.

I love her, and she loves me, but I think for me though the spark has gone, as it seems like she is a totaly a different person now, than before. She works, and Im finishing my last year of college, and will be planning on doing a masters, which is another year of study, and I have been using that as an excuse to stay away from the idea of marriage so soon.

My problem is that she has changed so much, I dont know when it got from a girlfriend boyfriend thing to marriage talk, I would be fine with marriage if she hadnt changed. I mean she doesnt go out, or very rarely does, and as that Iam not allowed to either, when Im at university she constantly tells me not to look at girls and such and gets really bitchy and aggressive about the subject, its not like I say to her that I do, but she still does my head in about it, and I cant go out with my friends to a bar or nightclub, or hang out, because she wants her time with me, Its really getting to me, as just yesterday we were talking over the phone, and we were discussing old times, and then she asked me about a time, when I first met her and stayed around a mates halls, she was fine about it before, as I told her Il be at my frinds halls for a day, just sleeping over to hang out, but yesterday she tells me that she doesnt like it that I did, and I shouldnt have done, we argued about it and I told her why should she have a problem about it, after so long, even thought it was fine with her before. She got bitchy and I just told her to leave it and tried to change the subject.

I dont know how to handle her anymore, she seems like she is trying to control every part of my life, i.e. she works from roughly 9-5 and she wants to talk to me on her breaks, and when she get home, I should call her, and if I dont, I get an earfull, and she expects me to speak to her everynight, weekends, constantly, and its really doing my head in. I cant get any time to do anything, have no free time, and cant do things with friends or family, she even has a tantrum when I have to go with my family to visit my cousing and uncles and aunts, and elderly grandad.
I want to live my life at ease, and im only 22 and feel like I should make up an excuse to end the relationship because Im just not getting what I wanted out of it, but then I feel that Im letting her down and that I shouldnt have let it go this far, but I cant even do regular things that guys do.

I just dont know what to do, I hope somebody out there can help me fid out what Im doing wrong, or what I should try to do.


crazy_girlcrazy_girl
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
Hi hun..sounds as if ur girlfriend is a bit posessive..and wants to be with you all the time..its nice at first but later down the line it is bad..i had it with my boyfriend i used to go in to town and he used to think i was seeing someone else..like you say you are 22,, you should be having fun and hanging with ur mates..sit and talk with her and tell her you need time to yourself to see your mates...i hope it works out for u hun..if she is like that now what is going to be like when ur married???

hope i helped

xxx

Kelly_CaitKelly_Cait
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
You need to tell her straight that you don't want to get married, your wanting to experience life and you don't want to get married as you've got uni to finish and you the money for that. Tell her you want to go out with your mates and if she doesn't like you going out then maybe you shouldn't be together because you need trust in the relationship. Hope it works out for ya.

Agree with you crazy_girl, when you get married she'll get worst!

GTTkelGTTkel
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
Finish it now before at goes to the next step, because if you do go as far as living together, getting married and having babies that will be your life FOREVER and what's the point if the girl you do all this stuff with makes you miserable? You've grown apart by the sound of it and I expect she is having doubts too if she's moaning at you all the time

crazy_girlcrazy_girl
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
i was going to say end it too..but i felt nasty LOL...well somone has said it..end it hun..get a girlfriend that will let u have a life...married is ment to be happy and loving not possessive and making u stay in..god i would get bored if i had to sit and be with chris everyday and not go out cause he wasnt..let us know if it works out..

xxx

HayleyHayley
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
i agree, if your not happy then end it now before u do have kids otherwise ur tied in...the same with marriage too!


do u know the reason whys she like this?

have previous boyfriends cheated on her or summit?

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
the girls have said it really IMO.

You need to talk to her NOW if you don't you might end up somewhere you don't want to.

Hope you get things sorted soon.x

RichRich Moderator
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
You guys need to sit down and talk things through completely, openly, honestly, no holding back. She sounds like she's very insecure with the jealousy and possesivness, maybe you are the one thing in her life that does'nt let her down and she does'nt want to lose that, and the only way she knows how is to try and control you. You could ignore it and hope it settles down, but I think you can bet your bottom dollar thats not going to work...I don't think ending it is a solution unless it's something you REALLY want to do, try and salvage what you had, remind her that you find her sexy, attractive, but your not seeing it much lately, and re-assure her, thats pretty important...but make the point that you are at melting point now and you can't take much more of what she is doing to you right now. I hope you can get things sorted out as break ups are not nice to live with and can make you feel worse than you do now, if sitting down and talking it through does'nt work, then you have to have a plan B...whatever plan B is - is up to you.

Good luck and keep us posted.

bunnigirlbunnigirl
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
i agree with rich hun he said it all good luck
xxx

Ban00Ban00
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
Thanks for all your replys, I really apprecaite it, you guys are right, Im gona have to talk with her and settle her down, or break us up.

Shes really sweet and I just wish I didnt feel guilty about getting her this far and then do this of it ends badly. I think if we do break up, shes not gona accept it so easily, she might go psyco on me.

Kelly_CaitKelly_Cait
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
Well she will get over it in time if you do break up!Good luck with the talk

crazy_girlcrazy_girl
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
good luck hun..

xxx

LadybugLadybug
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
Seems to me like you want out of the relationship. There's nothing wrong with that - all's fair in love and war, as they say. You're not married, don't have kids and are still studying, and she's turned into a bit of a psycho! Cut loose boy - run like the wiiiiiiind! Twisted Evil Hehehehehe

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Let us know what happens, will ya?

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 10 months ago
I wonder if the reason she is talking about marriage is because she is feeling very insecure and jealous and this might be a way of trying to hold onto you? If I were you I'd have a serious think about whether you want to be in this relationship-take a walk or spend a bit of time on your own and ask yourself, do you really really love her? If the answer is no then I think you know what you need to do.

If the answer is yes and you think the relationship has the potential to be salvaged then I think you need to sit her down and gently say to her that you've noticed recently she's been very concerned about where you are and what you're doing etc.. its coming across to you as jealousy and you're wondering why she is feeling like this. (I take it that you've never given her reason to be jealous and its all in her head). Say to her, "look, I love you and would never cheat on you but I need to know why you're behaving like this because I feel like its tearing us apart" Don't blame her but simply say how it makes you feel. It may be that she has abandonment issues from her childhood, which makes her really scared that as soon as she loves someone they leave her. It may be that she'll then open up to you and you might get some insight into the reasons why she's changed. If she refuses to discuss it or acknowledge that she is being unreasonable then I think you need to seriously say to her that you can't go on like this because its not healthy- relationships thrive on trust and if you have't got that then theres really no point! Also, it would be madness to rush into marriage when the relationship clearly has problems that need sorting out. Just my opinion!!

Good luck!! Smile

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