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advice please!!!!!!!

mommy08mommy08
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
ok well im 19 years old and 4 months pregnant my BF left me when he found out i was pregnant. we've been trying to stay in touch and be civil but he's always picking a fight with me. i find myself crying myself to sleep almost everynight bc of him and the things he says to me. we recently hung out and ended up hooking up again he then told me he didnt want to see me any more and that he will talk to me in january when the baby is born. i was really upset but let it go he says this stuff all the time. well then he started to tell me that hes going to take the baby to his college dorm to spend the night and i told him i didnt feel comfortable with that bc its not a stable environment for a child he flipped out and told me he was gonna take me to court for full coustdy bc im crazy..i dont think thats crazy its common sense. but whatever i got over that too. but he wont let me have a say in baby names or even if i want to keep my last name or allow my child to have his. he tells me this is HIS child and we do things his way. well yesterday he called me and told me he had a new gf and that she will be the perfect mom to this child...i was sooo crushed i couldnt believe he would do this to me..i dont know what to do any more i tried to make things work for the baby sake but i cant keep putting myself through this on a daily basis what should i do??? i hope somebody has some answers for me...


Kelly_CaitKelly_Cait
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
hey hunny, sorry to hear about this, pregnancy is supposed to be a nice experience.

1st off he won't get full custody, he will get part, like weekends or something. 2nd if your not married then the babies name can be yours or his. Don't let him treat you like this. I know he has a new gf, but if they split up or if he wants sex with you then say no, don't fall back to him cause he will keep on doing it. I hope you get this sorted out hun x Kiss

carlacarla
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
it sound like you are better of with out him if i was you i would keep the contact to a minimum till the baby is born as you don't need the stress Kiss Kiss

LadybugLadybug
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Tell him you're exclusively on-demand breastfeeding for six months, for the baby's health. That means the child can't be away from you, full stop.

Also, the hospital will give you a certificate of birth, which you need to register the birth and his/her name. Do not let this man get any of the documents. You can tell the maternity ward about the threat from this bloke, and they will not give him access to the ward. This is your right.

He will have paternity rights, but it will have to go through a court and they will be sympathetic with a breast feeding mummmy.

Also, contact your local council office/registry office and alert them to this situation. They will help you in any way they can. Men have fewer 'rights' ,if you like, when registering a child. Where a woman can register a child at any office, the father must go to a specific central office, etc. Also, as you are not married, the man has even fewer rights. If you go to your local council's website you will be able to click on registry and get a number from there. Arrange an appointment with the Chief Registrar. Also - make them aware that if you are accompanied by a man of his description when registering the child, you may well be doing so under duress.

I strongly recommend you contact a family lawyer, on the quiet. You should be able to get legal aid, if not the bill will be worth it in the end. If you have a lawyer quietly on the case at this early stage, he/she will be able to document all the little 'threats' and events, and let you know what your rights are. This will make your case much stronger, should it reach that stage. Also, a lawyer will be able to advise you on whether to take a proactive approach, ie. go for sole custody yourself.

Please note that I am in Scotland and the laws are very different up here.

Seriously though, if you really want to do something about it a lawyer is the best route. A quite chat with your local police would shed some more light on the situation too.

I feel for you though. This should be such a happy time, full of excitement and expectation! Perhaps you will be able to relax more once you have some legal protection in place.

xxxx

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
firstly CALM down hun.

Been there got the t-shirt.

No-one will take baby off of you unless you are a danger to it or yourself. and even then they dont always take baby away! ( I totally agree about the college dorm- silly guy!!!)

As for the name etc, you have to be there to register the birth, he can only get his name on the certificate if he goes with you, if he is not there you can do WHATEVER you want about names etc.

I think you need to have a complete break away from him ( he will still phone/write etc and pester you but you have to IGNORE him (be strong))

You have to look after yourself and baby, you are what counts NOT HIM.

When baby is born it is then u to you how you play it, I have nothing to do with my baby's sperm donor and he very quickly took the hint(after phone calls and threats about custody) thats what I wanted. We are better off without scum like him. Put it all down to a bad mistake in your life and start looking forward to baby.

Sorry to go on a bit (but as I said I have been there and idiots like that are something that really get on my Angry Angry )


Take care hun and let us know how it all goes (i.e Stick about Very happy )xx

RichRich Moderator
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Just some further news, unless you are married, he has no rights what so ever over your baby, so don't let him get to you like that.

mommy08mommy08
posted 1 decade 3 years ago

alex said:
firstly CALM down hun.

Been there got the t-shirt.

No-one will take baby off of you unless you are a danger to it or yourself. and even then they dont always take baby away! ( I totally agree about the college dorm- silly guy!!!)

As for the name etc, you have to be there to register the birth, he can only get his name on the certificate if he goes with you, if he is not there you can do WHATEVER you want about names etc.

I think you need to have a complete break away from him ( he will still phone/write etc and pester you but you have to IGNORE him (be strong))

You have to look after yourself and baby, you are what counts NOT HIM.

When baby is born it is then u to you how you play it, I have nothing to do with my baby's sperm donor and he very quickly took the hint(after phone calls and threats about custody) thats what I wanted. We are better off without scum like him. Put it all down to a bad mistake in your life and start looking forward to baby.

Sorry to go on a bit (but as I said I have been there and idiots like that are something that really get on my Angry Angry )


Take care hun and let us know how it all goes (i.e Stick about Very happy )xx




thanks for the advice im trying my hardest not to answer his text or text him when i miss him but sometimes i do it outta habbit. i know he's no good for me and that this was a mistake but bc i didnt have an abortion hes held it against me and treated me like crap ever since then. i hate that he has me so whipped and i totally revolve my life around him. i dont go out with friends bc i wait for him to call or hope that he'll ask to hang out and i dont want to be busy so i just dont make plans...im pathetic i know but its what ive been used to for over a year now. we lived together for so long and im so used to him always being there and the thought of someother girl being around my kid makes me sick i hate it. i want to be the only mother figure in this childs life not some skank lol. i dunno i hope i can get over this

jo-jojo-jo
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Kiss Hey hun,im not going to give any advise coz i agree with everything everyone has said.
The main thing is for you to stay calm and healthy for your sake and the beautiful LO that you have inside you.Good luck hun.xxxx Kiss

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Rich is right hun if you weren't married then he has no custodial rights unless he takes you to court. It's that way in the US anyway, is that where you're from? I agree with what everyone else wrote to you. Big Kiss 's to you for what you are going through, don't let him bully you for making the decision that you made.

Stick around here for venting and advise and hugs, you'll get all that from the group here Smile

hipmommahipmomma
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Sounds like really you and your baby would be better off without. You'll find lots of friends and support here so don't disappear off, let us know how your getting on xx

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