I'm so angry and frustrated with Aaralyn's father

I'm gonna warn you this may turn into a long rant but I just need to vent about this right now and I have to kind of explain the history behind so you see where I'm coming from

Ok, for the last 4 1/2 years I've never had a problem with her dad paying child support or seeing her on a regular basis, but I'm really seeing now that he thinks that being a good father is paying $75.00 a week and seeing her for an average of 8 hours a week, with the exceptional over night once or twice a month, and nothing else! He thinks that's where it stops on his part of responsibility.

For 3 years when I worked at Dunkin Donuts Aaralyn had a problem with her white blood cells (no aids or cancer, thank God) but she was constantly sick, in the hospital twice for a week at a time with pneumonia by the time she was 3, got every single virus that went into her school... sum it up, I missed a lot of work due to her not being able to go to school. Not once would he take a day from work or miss a class so that I could go to work and make money (no pay no work). My boss was understanding but all the utilities companies (gas, electric) were not understanding when I couldn't pay the bills. Last October I had my gas heat and hot water turned off because I couldn't the bill. Did he help out and give a little extra over what he normally pays me considering it got shut off because I was missing pay because OUR daughter was sick all the time? NO!

We had to use space heaters and take showers and baths at my boyfriends and my friends house until February when I got my tax money and could pay the bill. On top of other stress, this sent me into a bad depression and I got written out of work but I did get pay while on medical leave. I then decided to not go back to Dunkin Donuts (later was told they didn't have an open shift for me anyway, when I was written back to work) and pursue a better job (as ya'll know )

K, now I have the perfect job to start the end of next month but I have to work every other saturday. Mind you, I've been working around Scott's (her dad) schedule of schooling and work so that he could see her when it was convenient for him. He is starting school full time in September a little far away from where he lives (he'll still commute) so he will not be seeing her during the week at all starting in September. Ok I figure, maybe we can do the every other weekend thing and then he can see her when he wants in between. I tell him about the job, how I have to work every other Saturday and could we work out something so that he has her every other saturday, or weekend even. The response was not, I'll think about it, not, let me see what I can maybe work out, but a big fat NO I won't be able to do that that so there's no point in discussing it he says! He says he may be working weekends and I said that's fine maybe your mom or your girlfriend could look after her when you're working. I mean I do have to make sure she's taken care of during the week while I'll be working. He tells me I have nerve to ask him to ask his mother to look after her (mother who complains she doesn't get to see her enough) OK, now I'm pissed! I have ing nerve when I've worked A's and I's schedules around him all her life so far, but I have nerve!!! GGGRRRRR!!! he's like a brick wall that doesn't get what I have gone through to make sure OUR daughter is well taken care of. I'm gonna stop here before I break this keyboard banging out my frustration on here

I just want to ask you guys, am I nervy or do I have a right to ask this of him. I will say this, as of yet we've never gone to court but I know that's what it's come to now, he needs to have a judge tell him when he should see his daughter and I just never wanted it to come to that. I just wished we could work it out amongst ourselves, but doesnt' seem that way any more. My friend's have been telling me since Aaralyn was born that I've been letting him walk on me, but I just didn't want confrontation and I know he loves Aaralyn, I just didn't want to annoy him so that he would not want to come around to see his daughter.

There was more to the argument and I kept saying I didn't want to do this in front of Aaralyn and he kept on (this was when he dropped her back off to me). when she came in she asked me why I was so upset with Daddy and why did he make me sad. How was I supposed to answer her, I wanted to say cuz your Dad is a selfish son of a... but I won't do that. I told her why just had a disagreement and that it was ok.

I just wanted to add (not that the post wasnt't already long enough LOL) that I have no family near, they are all in different states far away. I have chosen to stay up here so that Aaralyn can be near her father, otherwise I would have moved back to Maryland where my sister is (of course I met Marc too) and if I did have family near they would be knocking me out of the way to spend as much time as they could with her.

For those of you who actually read through that book, thank you, I really just needed to release it but any input would be appreciated too... thanks friends

Hi hun it sounds like he just picks and chooses what is convinient for him at the time which is unfair on you but mostly little Aaralyn.

Maybe you should look into the legal side of things especially if its going to be tough on you when you are working and have NO ONE at all to look after her.

well, she'll be in school full day pre-school during the week while I'm working, which I have arranged with no help from him. And that's exactly what he's done, what's convenient for him. He thinks he is "Almight Father of the year award winner" because he see's her regularly and he pays minimal child support (minimal in comparison to what the courts will order him to pay) He compares himself to deadbeat dads and he should scale himself in comparison to responsible dads who step up a little extra on occasion when needed... ok, going back to the other Full Moon post now... blood pressure rising LOL

Ok babe see ya there.xx

Oh hun

I dont think you are being unreasonable- I think he is being less than helpful. Maybe you should seek some advice (over here we have citizens advice bearu (SP??) who offer free advice to people- and would help you find a solicitor who would give you legal aid if you needed it- if you have something similar there then I would go ask)

What an


Huh make no wonder your mad with him, he is showing you no support in going back to work, like you say you have to work about him why should it be different for him

Id seek advise too worth seing were you stand

i agree hun go seek advise. its terrible that he doesnt help out. n imk sorry but only seeing his daughter that minimal is hardly a the best father around huh/

Sorry your going thru this hun heres lots of hugs

And i think u have a right to be pissed off, i know i would..i cant belive hes being like this... when my dad left us he promised to see us all the time, it soon dwindled doen to once every couple of wks, then once a mth i dont have anything to do with him anymore and it does upset me that i dont have a father figure in my life that i can look up to!

I hope he realises that his DD is the most precious thing on this earth and he should make time to see her..he should wlak 500 miles just to see his daughter, thats how i see being a parent...the fact u would do ANYTHING to see your kids, he really needs a wake up call!

Can you ring his mum yourself and just ask if she would like to help some of these saturdays because I'm sure she'd love the opportunity. Maybe once you put the idea in her head she'll nag her son about it and tell him firstly that he should be seeing his daughter and secondly how much she'd like to see her grand-daughter. It's worth a try, the worst she can say is no in which case you're no worse off than now; and if she says no then she'll be missing out so she should say yes.

Thanks girls, after venting and getting it out last night I have definately made the decision to take him to court so that he has ordered visitation days, and he's probably gonna end up having to pay more child support too. Oh well, it didn't have to come to this but it has.

As far as his mother goes, the reason I thought it would be good if he asked her, is because in her eyes he can do no wrong so I figured she'd jump to help him, less likely to help me.

Thanks for the advise and I'm sorry that post got so long but it helped to write it down and then read it back to myself to realize what a sucka I've been being with him. Not any more though! the b*tch has come out!

You do what you need to. There were 2 of you involved in creating her life so there should be 2 of you responsible now. Good luck

im sorry hun as i didnt see this post but good for you. some men take the absolute piss. grrrrrrr. id be well mad too.

jami's father hasnt seen her since she was 3 months old. hes american and so lives out there but has never made an effort to come over and see her yet he thinks he has the right to stop james adopting her because hes her 'father' like hell he is. he even accused me of 'kidnapping' jami 9yrs after i left him lol bloody joke

GTTkel said:
You do what you need to. There were 2 of you involved in creating her life so there should be 2 of you responsible now. Good luck

Thanks hun, he didn't want her to begin with, but had a change of heart and loves her dearly, he just needs to be told by somebody else other than me that it's not just about loving your kid and handing over a minimal child support check, there's way more to it, and if he has to be forced by somebody else to do it then oh well. He's gonna take more responsibility for her and that's all there is to it.

Stacey, as I've said before, I think Jami's doing just fine with you as her mummy and James there for her too. Her dad does not deserve to see her, but he should still be financially responsible if he won't let James adopt her... that kinda stuff really get's me mad too

hapydazy said:
Stacey, as I've said before, I think Jami's doing just fine with you as her mummy and James there for her too. Her dad does not deserve to see her, but he should still be financially responsible if he won't let James adopt her... that kinda stuff really get's me mad too

well the CSA (child support agency) have toldme they cant do anything cause he lives in another country which is fine and i personally dont want anything from him. he was such a bum anyway lol

let him be a bum then, he's probably a miserable person anyway, serves him right!

OMG he is selfish!I hope he gets his ass into gear!I wish guys would be more responsible for what they do. Should say to him if he can't took after her at the weekend then he needs to pay for child care for her, if you do it then theres no point in you working

Kelly_Cait said:
OMG he is selfish!I hope he gets his ass into gear!I wish guys would be more responsible for what they do. Should say to him if he can't took after her at the weekend then he needs to pay for child care for her, if you do it then theres no point in you working

Thanks Kelly, the sad thing is he really doesn't realize how selfish he is. He's gonna think I'm being a b*tch for taking him to court but oh well, he didn't want to step it up so that's what happens.

I hope you get things worked out with you LO's father too hun.

hapydazy said:

Kelly_Cait said:
OMG he is selfish!I hope he gets his ass into gear!I wish guys would be more responsible for what they do. Should say to him if he can't took after her at the weekend then he needs to pay for child care for her, if you do it then theres no point in you working

Thanks Kelly, the sad thing is he really doesn't realize how selfish he is. He's gonna think I'm being a b*tch for taking him to court but oh well, he didn't want to step it up so that's what happens.

I hope you get things worked out with you LO's father too hun.

Your not being a b*tch at all your doing the rest thing for your daughter. Have you told him about the courts yet?? Have you said if he doesn't take the father role that you will take him to court? If you threaten him with that he might do something. Least with the court he will have set days.

Cheers, feeling alot better today