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Relationship advice needed- please help

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I have been with my fiance for 3 years, we live together and have an 8 month old little boy who is adorable. Our relationship has generally been pretty good, but just recently it feels like my partner has been starting arguments on purpose for no reason and trying to have a go at me. For example, he flew into a rage because I accidently ordered too many potatoes online in our weekly shop and said that I was "being wasteful and not respecting his financial contribution to the house" etc.. ok, I made a mistake but he just flew off the handle and starting shouting at me and saying really hurtful things. He used to be really loving but now he just seems so cold all of the time. I've asked him about this and he says he loves me and doesn't want anyone else. Also I recently discovered that he's been smoking weed after work as he claims he is stressed by his job (he is self-employed) and this has not affected his ability to function at work or anything. I asked him if the smoking was why he has been so moody but he denied it and said no. I say to him, please can't we just talk about our problems rather than shouting at each other and he agrees but then the next day he gets angry about something else. I feel like he is purposely creating a horrible atmosphere at home so that I'll end the relationship but when I said this to him he said that he loves the family that he's got and would never do that. But then the next day, he flies into a rage about something else and it ends in a huge row! I can't go on like this anymore, I am so unhappy and I miss the relationship that we used to have. What should I do?... Sad Face


angelmumangelmum
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hun know one can tell you what to do only you can decide what is best for you and your child sit and talk to your partner and tell him things have got to change good luck Kiss

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I know. I just feel so unhappy. I do love him and I miss the way we used to be, I just cannot understand why he's being so mean to me. Its like he has no feelings or something. I could accept that he doesn't love me anymore, what i can't accept is him supposedly loving me and treating me like this. I'm not sure how long you should keep trying or at what point do you say enough is enough?

HayleyHayley
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
aww hun im sorry you are suffering atm.... Kiss

i have no idea why he is doing this, is his job stressing him out? also weed can get u lows and highs, esp. if he smokes alot...he can then become on a downer..and why has he started smoking weed? is there a reason do u think? Kiss

LadybugLadybug
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
This happened to a couple I know very well, and they ended up splitting up. He split with her in quite a cruel way. It later transpired that he was suffering from a condition which affected his behaviour, and could be treated. By the time he found it, she had moved on. He still loved her and it was his turn to be heartbroken Sad Face

She's now very happy, but he is still heartbroken.

Had they been to counselling, even individually, it is possible that the problem could have been identiyifed earlier, and the relationship saved!

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
He tells me he has been smoking it for years and so it is not affecting his behaviour as he was smoking it when we first met (I only just found this out). He does have a stressful job- he is self-employed and works very very hard and he says that it just helps him to unwind after work and thats all. To be fair to him, he functions very well at work and home and it hasn't affected his job or previous behaviour etc... He is incredibly close to his mum and would do anything for her and I know that she sees him through rose tinted glasses and she would be devastated if she thought we were having problems. Part of me wonders if he is pushing me to breaking point until I leave him so he can say to his mum, "see, she left me, its not my fault"! as I know that she would be very angry with him if she knew about the weed. Even now he's stomping about upstairs in a huff..sigh...
Sad Face

angelmumangelmum
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I agree with Hayley weed can put you on high and the lows hun and if he is stressed over work that wont help Sad Face

why don't you try and talk to his mum if there so close maybe she can make him see some sence? Kiss

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thanks guys. Its really helped to vent my feelings. I would talk to his mum but she is Persian and only speaks a few words of english so its a bit of a problem!!, otherwise I would as she has always been very supportive of me and has often said to my partner, that she loves me and wants him to treat me well. I know we do need to talk. I just can't face another argument right now, I hate them. Thankyou everyone for your support. Smile

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi I'm a little late on this post, sorry. I just wanted to give you a hug Kiss I'm sorry you going through this and I hope it works out for the best.

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thanks hapydazy, that means alot. I really think some people are in denial about the effects of weed on mood. So many people think its not affecting them when it does have subtle effects that perhaps only those close to them realise. Its very destructive and really alienates those who love you. Thanks again.

Kelly_CaitKelly_Cait
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Sorry to hear. All you can do is have a talk and see why he is doing this. It might just be stress, I can get really moody at my BF for no reason and we have arguments over silly things. Hope you sort this out.

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thanx hun. I'm gonna try to talk to him about it tonight when he gets back from work. Neutral

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago

angelbaby said:
Thanks hapydazy, that means alot. I really think some people are in denial about the effects of weed on mood. So many people think its not affecting them when it does have subtle effects that perhaps only those close to them realise. Its very destructive and really alienates those who love you. Thanks again.


This is true, although I have admitted to being an occasional smoker and I think it effects different people in different ways, it has just caused me a very big problem and it's something I'm going to do with out for a long, long time, if not forever! still sendin' ya hugs sweety! Kiss

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thanx hun. I know that people do smoke- I've tried it myself but it did nothing for me at all, weirdly. Its only that I can see a definate personality change in him that makes me think its the reason.

If you are able to smoke and its fine then no probs but if the come down makes you mean then its a big problem!! Like everthing it affects people differently. Hope you get whatever it is sorted that you're worried about. Relationships eh? Maybe I should just become a nun...mmmm I do look good in black...

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago

angelbaby said:
Thanx hun. I know that people do smoke- I've tried it myself but it did nothing for me at all, weirdly. Its only that I can see a definate personality change in him that makes me think its the reason.

If you are able to smoke and its fine then no probs but if the come down makes you mean then its a big problem!! Like everthing it affects people differently. Hope you get whatever it is sorted that you're worried about. Relationships eh? Maybe I should just become a nun...mmmm I do look good in black...


Yes, absolutely agree with you on that... and you have to watch that they don't get bored with weed and move on to other things also Tounge Out . I lost a job recently that I was hired for and then had to take a drug test after having a few hits of a joint that was passed when I was camping a few weeks ago (with out my daughter with me) it showed up on the test. bad choice, bad result Suspect I think I actually posted about it the day you joined the forum so you probably missed the post.

I hope you get to the bottom of why he's trying to self medicate and you guys can work through it.

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Oh nooo! Thats so unfair. Can't believe you had to take a drugs test?-thats a bit intrusive of them. You must have been gutted. Maybe it wasn't meant to be? I've found that sometimes when I've not got a job, something better invariably comes along- heres hoping Kiss

I am in two minds as to how to behave tonight. Part of me wants to be all understanding and "why do you feel this way darling" etc.. and the other (more honest part) wants to say "why are you being such a Angry ?" but if I say that it'll start world war 3 probably! Oh dear...

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