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Ok, here goes, I'm gonna dish the story...

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
... as I've said in many posts my BF Marc and I have a great relationship, pretty much all around, with the little normal quirks to annoy and such but there is one major thing that really really bothers me...

I have yet to meet his 16 year old daughter and he sees her on a regular basis. The reason why? because she doesn't want to meet me Sad Face She is very resentful of our relationship, not because she wants her mother and father together but more because (as Marc tells it) she is jealous of the thought of sharing her daddy with another woman and another little girl. I totally understand that but I would also like to give her the chance to meet me and then Aaralyn and get to know us and I think she would feel much less threatened. She knows that Aaralyn has her own Daddy that she sees regularly too and who also helps financially support her.

I need advise and other opinions. Do I just wait it out and see if she changes her mind. Do I just figure WTF she's gonna be 18 in a year and a half and then it shouldn't matter? that part I don't like to think because I would like to have a nice all around little semi family thing with all of us included if Marc and I are in it for the long run (which is what I want)...

Anyone else been in a similiar situation... either my situation, Marc's side of it, or relate to being the 16 year old girl who is resenting a parent's relationship with someone other than the other parent?

I will add that she doesn't have a good relationship with her mom from what I understand. She's a straight A student, no drugs, no alchohol, is very responsible but kind of with an I hate the world attitude as Marc describes her.

K, ready and waiting for some advise now that I've finally spilled the downside of my good relationship.


kelkel
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
its just jealousy hunnie coz she was the only girl in her dads life and u an u'r daughter are there, it'll be nothing personal.
if u do get to meet her make it clear u are not trying to steal her dad or play mummy to her, u'd really like to just be her friend.
go with the flow for now hun, dont force her to see u or u could make it worse, wait it out and i'm sure she will come round in her own time, not only that but being a teenager is hard work already without extened families coming into the story, we all remember that!
good luck hunnie Kiss

hipmommahipmomma
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
being 16...is crap - as a rule.

Everything is a drama.

If it was me I would wait it out. Make sure you send regular invites via your OH for her to join you for whatever you might be doing. Make sure she gets lots of 'me' time with her dad. She should come round to realising that you aren't a threat.

Sorry if thats not much help Suspect

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Actually you guys, that's how I think I should handle it, I guess I just wonder how long to wait it out... I would never try to force her dad to make her meet me, I think eventually it's gonna happen by accident, cuz it almost has a few times. I do know, in this case because she is the almost 17 year old and I'm the almost 38 year old, it needs to be on her terms definately. I just hope she doesn't resent me forever.

And yes, 15 and 16 were the most Angry ed years of my teenage life for sure... so much going on at that time emotionally, hormonally, ect... I remember and that's why I am understanding her side too. I just want her to meet us and like us d*mn it!! Razz LOL, I think (hope) it will eventually come to that.

thanks girls Smile

kelkel
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
give it time hun, i'm sure she will love you and daughter once she gets to u both, u'll probably end up with a new shopping buddy and best mate, thats what happened with me and my step mum after i called he every name under the sun Very happy

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago

kel said:
give it time hun, i'm sure she will love you and daughter once she gets to u both, u'll probably end up with a new shopping buddy and best mate, thats what happened with me and my step mum after i called he every name under the sun Very happy


Thank you Kel.. it's good to hear that especially from someone who has been on Brandi's (his DD) side of things. Neither one of us are big shoppers (she's tomboyish and so am I LOL) but I bet there's other fun stuff we can get into together (like 4-wheeling!!)We do have things in common, as she is alot like her dad, and he and I definately have things in common.

kelkel
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
i've been on u'r side of things to hunnie and i know how hard and upsetting it can be but also how rewarding it is when things finally work out Kiss Love

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thank you again Kel, it's nice when people can make eachother feel better even 1000's of miles away Very happy

kelkel
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
u made me feel better today to hun, thank you to Kiss

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Very happy Kiss

mumof2_jomumof2_jo
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Sad Face Aw try not to worry hun, like everyone said 16 is an awful age Shocked . I think in her own time she will come round to meeting you both and i bet you will get on great (who wouldn't get on with you your fab Wink )

Keep inviting her she will soon realize you no threat to her relationship with her Dad



Hope it all sorts its self out Very happy

colecole
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi, I would wait for her to come round to the idea. I've been there with my parents and things were 'forced' on to me before I was ready to accept new family members. And when she does feel ready to see you just take it slowly and I am sure she will love you and your little girl. hthx

HayleyHayley
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
the girls have given u great advice hun, so im really hoping u can work something out Kiss

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I'm sorry I have only just read this but when she is ready she will come to you. I know it must be hard but please do not try and force your way into her heart or her life she will respect you more for it in time. You and your partner have a good relationship and she can see this and she is probably just scared that her Daddy is going to devote all his time to you but in time she will see that Daddy will always love her no matter what whether there be another lady in his life. Believe me it will work for you but just be patient.

When I was first with my partner (ex Hubby now) he had a Daughter from a previous relationship. Well her Mom would not let his Daughter see her Dad when he was with me and this caused problems. He then tried to say that I stopped him seeing his Daughter when it all went pear shaped but it was not the case. All I wanted was like you to be part of the girl life and it wasn't happening. She will make her choices in life to come to you and then when she does she will of wished she had let you into her life sooner when she realizes that you just want to be her friend.

Sorry for waffling here.
Shell.x

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thank you for the advise every one Very happy I think eventually it will work itself out, I sure hope so! I won't force anything, definately not! I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. When I worked at Dunkin Donuts I worked with alot of teenage girls, and without sounding to braggy, they all loved me! I was kinda the mom/big sister to alot of them and I also had/have a great relationship with my exboyfriend's teenage son (I got him a job at DnD too), I just wish the same for Brandi and I some day... I will add too, that her mom is not too keen on Marc and I's relationship either (even though she hasn't met me and she's the one who dumped Marc), but Brandi is definately her own person and will make her own judgements someday hopefully Wink

jo-jojo-jo
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi hun my DH niece is going through the same thing she is 17 and hates her step mum (my SIL) for no reason other than her birth mum hates her.I think that giving her time to get through these teenage turmoil's will be best.My niece is slowly starting to soften but it doesn't help when there is her birth mum constantly making her choose between her and her father and his family.I think you are a great person and great mum and im sure in time she will see that.Just keep doing what your doing hun.xxx Kiss

staceybstaceyb
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
- My blog
awwwwwww hun ive just read this and i think everyone has said the same as i would in that id wait it out. least if its on her terms she wont feel thats shes being forced into anything

good luck hun. hope she comes around soon. ive only 'known' you a short time but i think yr fab Very happy and would love to have you as a friend

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I am 32 and lost my mum 2 years ago to cancer. My 64 year old dad has just stared dating another woman and I found it really hard seeing them together and felt really insecure about it (and I am 32 years old, not 16!!). I agree that you should give her some time, 16 is an age when its incredibly hard to express your emotions or even sort out what emotions you are feeling. If she hasn't got a good relationship with her mum then she's probably really afraid of losing her dad (which obviously isn't going to happen). Fear is usually the root of anger and her life probably feels very unstable at the moment. I would give her time, encourage her dad to spend time with her alone and in the natural course of things I am sure she will become curious about you and want to meet you. Once she is secure that you're not going to take away her dad she will feel alot safer to meet you and develop a relationship with you. I now really like my dad's partner but it took a while and it helped that she was very honest and open about her feelings and my feelings. Good luck!!

gemmagemma
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Think you've had some great advice and i agree all you can really do is wait for her to make a move, anything else will just get her back up....such a lovely age isn't it Wink

I'd definately keep inviting her to things though, and perhaps try and think of a family gathering / day out that she could come along to without "loosing face" but where you could meet and it not be a big deal.

Sure it will all work out in the end.
Gemma

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thank you girls, I have gotten some great advise here, as I knew I would Smile

Angelbaby I'm glad that you've developed a good relationship with your dad's wife... hopefully someday it's gonna come to that with Brandi and Aaralyn and I Wink. I'm so sorry that you lost your Mom too, I cannot begin to imagine how much that hurts. My mom and I don't have the greatest relationship but I wouldn't know what to do with out her in my life, even if it is with alot of distance between us.

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