Health Visitors...

My health visitor has not only upset me she has made me very angry aswell she came round yesterday to do a routine check and basically had ago at every aspect of the way I am bringing my daughter up and then told me that I took it too personally becuase I am depressed and need to be on medication.

She thinks that because Izzy is 10 months old that she shouldnt been sleeping 12 hours a night and having 1-2 naps during the day as these are signs of a child who isnt mentally stimulated enough... Izzy is a very active child and that me letting Izzy get herself off to sleep is wrong and that I should be sat in the room with her reading her stories until she falls asleep..

She also thinks that I should buy Izzy a toy vacuum cleaner so Izzy can pretend she is doing my housework for me (SHE IS 10 MONTHS OLD HOW MANY 10 MONTH OLD CHILDREN DO THAT?) when I said she is too young for that she stated that she isnt too young...

She also thinks that I am living in the stars as I am trying to work things out with Izzys dad and we are living apart at the moment and that Izzy going to her dads for one week a month is too long...

And then after sitting there for 30mins slagging off everything I do as a parent she then said that she was only advising me and judging by my reaction I seem to be angry and upset with her and that is because of my depression I am taking things to personally and that at the end of the day is only going to affect Izzy.

By this point I had Izzy trying to hug me because I was sat on the floor crying and when she left I had izzy sat on the sofa with me looking really worried because I was crying uncontrollably because the so called professional who is meant to be helping me basically sat there and told me for an hour what a bad parent I am because I am not on anti depressants anymore because I dont want to be on them.. I really not sure what to do..

I'm not going to give you the most brilliant advice here because I sacked my HV off because she more or less insinuated I was starving my son!

He will only see her now when he has to and I do things my way not hers!

My DD slept like your LO and I was never told I wasn't stimulating her enough (this was a different HV to the one I have now).

All children/babies are different, they shouldn't be all expected to do the same thing. Charlotte slept more than she was awake but George hardly ever sleeps. Infact I would say Charlotte still sleeps more than George! Yet Charlotte was walking at the age George is now and George is showing only the very early signs of being interested in walking.

You're NOT a bad mother hun. I don't think a HV has any authority to tell you to go on anti-depressants either!

Sending you lots of hugs hun

OMFG!!!!!! i cant believe what ive just read. what an awful woman firstly ((((((((hugs))))))) to you. id complain about her hun. my 2 youngest are 4 and 3 and they sleep 12hrs a night. have done since very young and used to have naps in the day too. shes 10 months old for goodness sake.

i agree with candgsmum that she has no authority over wether you should be on anti depressents or not and as for you and yr DP/DH thats none of her business. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

yr not a bad mum and dont let anyone tell you differently hun

Just wanted to send big hugs. Why was she visiting you anyway? did you invite her round? my own HV is lovely & i do like her (most of the time) - but when i have seen a different one - she really pissed me off, telling me what Freddie should & shouldn't be eating - i never want to see her again. I'm sorry that she made you feel like a bad parent, she may perhaps have only meant to give you some suggestions, but the way she said it made you angry (we mums can be a little sensitive eh?). Anyway you know your daughter better than anyone. Freddie sleeps 1 or 2 naps a day + 12 hours (& he's 15 months). He's very active in the day. XX

What a cow have you had her before??

Id report her too, she shouldn't be upsetting you like this and telling you when and how long your DD sees her daddy and she deffo has no right to tell you that you need aunti d's.

And as for the sleep thing like you say she is 10 months old, all babies are diff and I always got told to let mine settle on there own not stay with them.


Make no wonder your upset your a great Mum and you know your baby better than anyone

OMG hun, what a cow! she really has no right to basically tell you that you are a bad mother! Which you are not! you are a great mother and you know your daughter better than anyone else hun!

All children are so different and sleep different hours, eat different foods etc!


I think you should report her......she has no right to make you feel like this hun!

Hope you feel a little better now hun sending you some (((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))

xxxx

I have seen her before but I managed to avoid seeing her from when Izzy was 6 weeks old until march when I moved back to the area and now she comes and visits me regularly as im living by myself with Izzy and they know I had problems bonding with her. I want to complain and switch to another health visitor etc but I cant really as I live in a small town and there are only 2 health visitors in my area and one baby group. So I really not sure what to do whether I just try and avoid seeing her again, I almost told her to leave when she started getting even more personal, She has only met my daughters dad once and she was judging him saying as he only 20/21 hes very young and can be a bit immature at that age as it takes men longer to mature up to their responsibilities that women.

Omg, what a cow. Don't pay any notice. I hardly see mine, we know our kids better than they do.

really sorry to hear this hun. i cant bloody stand health visitors. i only see mine as and when i have to as ive had many bad experiances with them due to x husband.
i really do think u should report her and make sure u dont see her again as it may happen again. and who the hell is she to judge people she doesnt know personally!
bloody people should mind there own buisness! any way hun chin up and im sure u know in ur self ur an ace mum n not to listen x

I would complain hun- your HV is there to support you not critise you. Even tell her you didnt like her comments. Joseph is a very active 3 year old and sleep 13 hours at night and if he is outside playing at the childminders/ nursery it has been known for him to cat nap on the way home in the car. (something he has only started doing again since he was 14mths- when he stopped having naps)

When I hear everyones horror stories I am so glad I have such a great HV who is always there.

omg hv's these days have such bad names, im lucky i have really nice ones, but i always hear about other ppl's experiences and im horrified


u stick to ur guns hun, u know izzy better then anyone, ignore the bitch, ur doing a great job

I have only just seen this as I was out all day yesterday but I agree that you should definately report her. Apart from anything else her advise about staying with your LO while she falls asleep goes agaisnt the advice of just about every expert on the planet! If you ask me the reason your LO sleeps so well is because she is stimulated when she is awake. Millie is the same age and has about 2 1/2 hours during the day and 11 hours at night, she sleeps alot because when she is awake she is so busy. I hope you feel better today, your hv is clearly a horrible person who should find a new job, Kerry

What a stupid woman. Firstly I think you're really fortunate to have a baby who sleeps so well,sounds like you have a good routine going. Secondly I wasn't aware that many 10 month olds could even walk let alone push a hoover around. Thirdly, I don't see that she has any right to make suggestions as to your relationship with your baby's dad. She is completely out of order and if I were you I'd ask for another health visitor,then if they ask why you can say that you do not want that woman in your home ever again and that she's lucky you're not taking this further. Sorry you're having an emotionally difficult time,but she can not penalise you for this; how many other mothers out there are battling depression? (most of us raise our hands)

HV really do get a bad name don't they,but have to say, if you do have one that actually is interested in you & your family i guess we should be grateful. i was reading an article recently about a baby of 11 months that died of starvation (it weighed just 9lbs). the HV had never visited the family or ever seen the baby, the parents had left it to die. no one ever chased up or thought to wonder about the baby. after an investigation it showed that the HV was too busy (with some 300+ babies on her books) to visit so had assumed all was ok. Very very sad.x

That sort of behaviour is appaling. Nothing you have said about your life and parenting sounds as though there is anything wrong with it at all! I never saw my health visitor when i lived in burton as she was overbearing and judgmental. I do think overall HV get a bad name but so many of them just dont seem cut out to do the job! It isnt something you should have to put up with. As for the sleeping, my daughter was sleeping 12 hrs a night and 2 x 2hours in the day till she was over 18mths!! Hope everything we have all said halps you to disregard the silly womans unfounded opinions xXx

Blimey! i would definately complain about her.... if everyone kept quiet about what she was saying to people then nothing will get done. adjusting to motherhood is hard enought as it is without some jobsworth having a go at every opportunity! Big hugs to you, im sure you are doing a fantastic job!!!! ps wouldnt it be great if the kids could start doing housework at 10months!!!! i should be so lucky!!!

omfg what a horrible woman, no wonder hv get a bad names with the likes of that

firstly you know ur own baby better than anybody
2) ur very lucky she sleeps so long other babies dont
3) how an a 1o mth old vac up if she carnt walk??
4) babies sleep when they want to
5) hv only there to advise you not judge or critisise
6) the crap they tell u is only from ttext books or the " latest health satistics"

7) half dont have kids there selfs
8) id be reporting her to who ever was in charge in your area then i would be writing a very nice letter to the department of hv,s

id of slapped her and kindly asked her which window she wanted to leave fru

omg to comment on some ones life is just

someone i know sees the other hv in my area and told me she really lovely and asked if i want my number passing onto her but im not sure whether to as the hv i got at the moment is at my baby group and im worried about what her reaction might be towards me at this baby group as this is the only contact i have with other mother/babies except for my friend who i see once a week aswell.

ellee1984 said:
someone i know sees the other hv in my area and told me she really lovely and asked if i want my number passing onto her but im not sure whether to as the hv i got at the moment is at my baby group and im worried about what her reaction might be towards me at this baby group as this is the only contact i have with other mother/babies except for my friend who i see once a week aswell.

hunni she cannot go around treating people like that, i personally would be having my number passed on to the other hv if i wasnt happy ... why should you care what she thinks.... coz i sure as hell wouldnt. maybe she will soon realise that shes opening her big mouth in the wrong way when she has no one left to visit..

I agree with Mitch, get the cow sorted! If you don't want to do it for yourself then you should report her to stop her upsetting someone else. I'm sure if you tell some of the other mums at your group what she said to you, you will have plenty of support if she tries to make you feel bad. Good luck chick, Kerry