Join JustParents to ask for advice and make new friends! It only takes 60 seconds. Join for free

Please Don't

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
judge me for what I am about to write but I need to speak to someone I feel like I am going mental.


You see I don't want anyone to judge me here but when I met him I already knew him but the worst part was he was married. We was in touch as friends and then he said he wasn't in love with his wife anymore and in love with me things progressed i know you probably hate me by now but I wans't in it for hurting anyone. We tried so many times to walk away but we kept ending up back in each others arms. He told me he had put his house up for sale and we was going to buy an house together but behind my back he brought another house and moved back in with his wife. I know its wrong but I said its over if you can do that to me you will do it again. Well we ddn't speak for 3 weeks and this is how I ended up going for adrink with another guy. Welll after 3 weeks me and the other guy I had been seeing ended up back in touch and b4 we knew it we was going on about seeing each other again and then we was back 2 square one. I it was so wrong but I just couldn't get out no matter how much I tried (please don't hate me, after all it takes two)

Well anyway it carried on and carried on and he said he would be with me for Xmas and he wasn't he came round xmas day and then boxing day I never heard from him for a week and when he did come back it appeared he had gone on holiday with his wife. I know its wrong but because I hadn't heard from him the guy I had been in touch had been in contact wth me and we met up as friends nothing else and I made this clear.

Eventually the guy I was seeing left his wife and we was together and it was what we both wanted. But I had 2 tell him about the other guy who I had gone out with a couple of times for a drink and then he said I had been cheating on him. I didnt cheat on him this guy was just a friend, how could I have cheated I wasn't the one who was married I was the one who was not attached. I said I ddn't cheat nothing went on with this guy blah blah blah.

Well now you have a clearer a picture, the guy who left his wife won't speak 2 me at present eh said he needs to clear his head. The guy who I was friends with I told him xmas not to contact me anymore and he didn't for about 6 months and then text me out the blue and then my partner saw the text and flipped.

He said he just wants 2 sort him out and that he hates him and wishes he could wipe him off the face of the earth. Why would he want 2 hurt this guy, this guy had done nothing wrong.

So now me and my partner or not so as the case may be are no longer in touch cus he wants space. I said so do I take it we are over and he said yes at the moment until I can get rid of these demons.

Well now it appears after saying he as demons and as issues with me having male friends instead of him being completely honest with me he's gone back to his wife and disconnected his mobile so I can't contact him anymore. Why could he not of just said to me that he was going back to his wife to try and make his marriage work surely honesty would of been best but no he can't. I feel really hurt but also feel angry that he as done this. Part of me wants to go to his work on Monday night and have it out with him and say what is bottling inside but then I think is there any point. He's lied to me so many times and probably lied his way back into his wifes arms.

I really hope nobody hates me here for what i have done and that you will welcome me here. But I guess I will see now.
Please give me some feedback negative or positive I just needed to talk to you people.

Sorry.
Shell.
_________________

x


BedheadBedhead
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi Shell, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time but if you want total honesty this guy sounds like a Angry . You are much better off without him, he sounds like a spineless waste of space that is so scared of being left on his own that he keeps going back to a wife that he clearly doesn't love. Do you really want that to be you in a few years? I'm sorry you are so miserable but the sooner you get rid of him completely the sooner you can start feeling happy again ((((((big hugs)))))) Kerry Kiss

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Kerry

I was so afraid of posting on here incase people judged me but I have been around a few weeks and getting to know you all. I guess I would be in her shoes in a few years. Its just about moving on why can't I be happy. I have my little boy and I'm divorced from his Dad now because of him cheating and then I end up in this situation.

Shell.x

BedheadBedhead
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I think the problem is that every time you have managed to start to get over him he pops back up! Could you change your phone number so he can't get in touch with you and then delete his numbers that no matter how lonely (or drunk!) you think you are it is impossible for you to get hold of him.

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Yeah I know you are completely right and I am not sure if things will work between him and his wife and don't want him to come back to me. The thing is though I don't really see it would be any point in changing my number for the simple reason he's had his phone disconnected so I assume he's changed his number so I can't contact him, instructions from his wife I guess so I assume she asked him to delete my number from his phone.
Shell.x

RichRich Moderator
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hey, this is a situation I would strongly advise you to be well rid of, this married guy has lied and cheated his way into your heart and now you find it very hard to let go, you say it takes two, which is completely true, but if you want shot of him, truly deeply know this is wrong and want out, then it will only take one to break the cycle...you! This guy wouldn't know the truth if it jumped up and punched him in the chin, something he probably could do with. Makes me wonder, did his wife know about all of this?? if not, then it's not just you he's messing about and hurting...unfortuanatley, when a guy who has a partner turns round and says " I don't love her anymore " usually means, " My sex life has gone to pot, I love my wife dearly and will never leave her to be with someone else..." it's a line, and alot of people are succeptable to such crap...if you really want to get on with your life, get back out there, find a decent guy, someone who won't treat you like a second rate person, and this married man will suddenly shine in the colours of bull Angry ... keep us posted on this, gotta be strong though hun, but we got faith in you. You say you know things are wrong, now it's your chance to stop it once and for all. Good luck Smile

glittergirlglittergirl
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
oh hun, its hard falling in love, even harder when you fall for someone who's married. They tell you the old chestnuts ' my wife doesnt understand me'..'we dont sleep together anymore, honest' and ' i'll leave her for you but not until the kids are older'...

do i sound like i've been there... Embarassed Shutup Upset

Just when you've gotten yourself weaned off them, they come back begging you for another try and that their marriage is 'well and truly over'.. only to find out that it isnt and they are playing happy families. Its a case of having their cake and eating it.

You need to be strong on this one hun. You dont need a relationship with a man who's been comfortable lying and cheating on his wife with you...who's to say that he wouldnt do the same to you down the line.

Kick him into touch, find happiness with someone who's able to give you 110% love and commitment. It hurts like hell believe me but it does get better in time.

Kiss good luck

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thank you all for your replies so far, his wife did know and she saw us together. When he went away Xmas I went round his house to call it all off taking his things with me. And she had known about me and then she said what is she doing back again well anyway cut a long story short infront of his wife he said I don't love you anymore its Shell I want to be with and I love her. She said your welcome to her and slammed the door in our face. Well then we went away for a week and a neighbour who is also this guys friend said to his wife that we had gone away so she phoned up giving abuse. I took Alex out cus I didn't want him to hear all the rows and then this guy got a text thru saying " I guess she wasn't there when u was having a go at me " so she did know and he did leave her for about 6 months but obviously they are back together now. There house is sold and the board is up and knowing him he will come back in a couple of months and say to me that he had gone back t o live there cus he had every right to because he was paying the mortgage and I don't want to hear it.
Nightmare, should never of got involved, I would warn people never to do it!! I would not ever do it again.
Shell.xx

GTTkelGTTkel
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Don't take him back, he clearly plays this situation to get his own way. You're lucky really that you're not the one that's married to him because if you find it hard to break away from him think what trouble his wife is in being married to him. Don't let him come back with the puppy-dog eyes, he doesn't appreciate you or his wife and if he'll cheat on her with you chances are he'll cheat on you with someone else one day too. BUT only if YOU let him so don't tie yourself down for him

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Thank you, when we was together I said to him that he cheated on his wife and he said I'd never do it again. When I told my parents I was in touch with a married man they was dead against it and I was never allowed to take him there while he was still living under the same roof of his Wife.

So would people not advise me to go to his work then and say what I need to say?

Shell.
x

Kelly_CaitKelly_Cait
posted 1 decade 3 years ago

shell said:
Thank you, when we was together I said to him that he cheated on his wife and he said I'd never do it again. When I told my parents I was in touch with a married man they was dead against it and I was never allowed to take him there while he was still living under the same roof of his Wife.

So would people not advise me to go to his work then and say what I need to say?

Shell.
x


Sorry to hear about that.

I wouldn't waste my time on him, your better than him don't fall to his level. x x

GTTkelGTTkel
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I think maybe going to his work would be like feeding your habit if you know what I mean. It would be you seeing him "one last time" but then another day there might be another reason to see him "one last time". The sooner you make the break the sooner you can deal with the hurt and come through it

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi Shell, I have to agree with the responses I've read to your post. He sounds like a bad drug you just need to go cold turkey from. I know that sounds harsh, but I think the sooner you get this guy outta your system the sooner you will be able to move on in your life. Think about yourself, what you deserve, which is not this guy! I hope you find the strength to realize you deserve and should have better sweety.

Keep us posted Kiss

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Your support on this as been great and I greatly appreciate it. I am so glad to be around and thank you for not having a dig at me. I let him into Alex's life and they was very close. Alex is only 3 and asks for him every now and again which is hard for me because Alex did not ask for him to waltz out of his life did he? and then for him to blame me for everything WTF why?
Shell.xx

pinknfluffypinknfluffy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
STAY AWAY FROM THIS PATHETIC WASTER!!!

you are a gorgeous wonderful mummy with a beautiful child who has everything going for her!!! please be strong and see this pillock for what he is!!!


sorry to be brutal but my ex was exactly the same and used my lack of self confidence and neediness to allow him to play around and do whatever he felt like. i have never spent so much time crying, angry, suicidal, desperate, low and worthless. i tried and tried to get him to leave me alone but he would always text me or phone just to see how i was and we would end up meeting and in bed again and the cycle would repeat!!

i finally had enough and stood firm changed my phone and started meeting people from internet dating sites - not really for a relationship more to have fun and feel good about myself again which it did. i met rich and wasnt interested in anything serious but he wooed me with dinner and flowers and compliments and wasnt wanting to jump into bed at the first opportunity!!

i married him!! and i can rest easy knowing he will never cheat on me and i truly know he loves me completely!!

please believe that there is someone decent, respectful, loving, honest, caring and worthy of you out there for you but while you are around this negative person you wont meet them!!!

good luck flower - be strong

esther Kiss

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Esther,

Thank you so much for your post you seem like you have been through alot yourself. It was nice when I had him around because he did make me feel special and the way he used to kiss me used to make my hair stand up and the spark that was between us. We could not get enough of each other and then 4 weeks ago when he came round and said what he said before he walked out the door his words was, I will always love you!! and you will always mean something to me, and I will be in touch in a few days, these few days never came.

Esther your right we have tried so much to break up before but we have always got back together. Maybe his wife made him change his number because she knows that we always stay in touch.

I was saying to my Mom today and Mom was like, well why would you want to spend the rest of your life with him for anyway? she said he's probably there now just lying about everything and my Mom is probably right.

I know I can't just get over him straight away it will take time but I have just taken all the photos off my pc of him and all the rest to disc so now that are done.

I just worry that I won't meet someone again who will make me feel the way he did. When you go to these clubs some of the guys are just after sex and thats it and me I can't and would never do a one night stand because its not my nature but I know it happens.

Sorry to waffle yet again.
Shell.x

pinknfluffypinknfluffy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
hunni

you wont get over him for a long time but you cant start the healing process while he is still hurting you by being in and out of your life. love is not treating someone with so little respect.

it is a lust thing - my ex used to make me weak and i could never say no he charmed me any which way which is wrong. i didnt truly get over my ex until i had moved in with my now hubbie but now i have had 2 and half years with a wonderful man who although doesnt make me swoon - he is secure, honest, loving, a wonderful father and 100 other fab things.

rich might not make me go all gooey and dribbley but on friday when our gorgeous girl pulled a cup of tea over herself he was wonderful - he knew what to do, he held me together, he didnt blame me and he got me through the worst day of my life and that is what makes me love him and adore him and i know i cant live without him. if it was my ex he wouldnt have been here as he rarely stayed longer than 3 nights and he would have fled at the first opportunity.

lust is great when your single and up for it and having a giggle but love is so so so much more wonderful and meaningful. i thank my lucky stars that i never stuck around with any of the losers and i finally gave someone who is NOT my type a go and it turned out he is the other half of me.

dont let your little man grow up thinking that the way this man treats his mummy is right!!

big hugs hun

pm me if you want to chat

hapydazyhapydazy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
---I just worry that I won't meet someone again who will make me feel the way he did.---

you won't, you'll meet someone who will make you feel really good and happy Very happy Wink

shellshell
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I guess you all think I am a nightmare but you girls have helped me so much and I really appreciate it.
I have sent you a message pink.
Thanks everyone,
Shell.xx

TabathaTabatha
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi Shell,
I have to say that the married ex sounds like a complete nightmare especially if he had a problem with you having a very close male friend.
I feel that you are well out of it and you will find a new strength for the next time he comes knocking you will say NO.
Nobody would hate you we can't help who we fall in love with and when.
If it's meant to be then these things have a way of working themselves out.

Join JustParents for free to reply

Search

Questions needing your answer

Latest Reviews