He wants us to split up :(

My DP and I have had our problems and arguments and after the last blow out we had I thought we had gotten stronger and things were going fine. We have had issues with my eldest daughter which has ended up in my kicking her out of the house.

I was going to take her into town today to help her find a job and he started spouting on about mums not needing to hold thier kids hands to get a job blah, blah, blah .....

We then started going on about me going on Tuesday I said how he resented me going out and that I could have sworn I saw him stood on the corner of the road waiting for me to see if I was with anybody. This was where he told me he had been thinking all day about us splitting up.

I just went numb, put Leah to bed and walked out to a friends for a drink!!! I came back didnt say anything to him got my comp and went to bed. He didnt come up until much later. didnt say 2 words to each other morning apart from him sniping cos the new toothpaste I bought was still downstairs.

Thing is, I'm not on the mortgage, I have a bad credit rating so would have made it impossible for me to get one. I pay towards the bills (made sure of that in case something like this happened), we have 3 kids, 2 of which he is not named on the birth certificate (another story!!) and Joshua's he is on. We are not married and just officially living together - where the hell do I stand with my rights as am sure he is going to do me out of any share of the house. I also have my childminding business based here.

Anybody know what I can do - have just emailed CAB for online advice but that can take up to 5 days for a reply and cant drag all the kids down there with me

oh hunni ((((hugs))))

I dont know what to say! I think just speak to as many people as you can. Is it really over or do you think it is just something said in anger?

sending lots of love to you, sure someone who knows a bit more about these tings will be along soon . xxxx

Just got a reply from CAB which I'm impressed with as they replied within half an hour. This is what they have to say::

Dear Alison
I sounds as if only your partners name is on the title deeds and that
you have not made any direct contribution to paying for the house either
by paying for all/part of the deposit or making any repayments to the
mortgage lender. In these circumstances it may be difficult to establish
any rights with regard to the house. You need to speak to a solicitor, I
can arrange for you to have a free meeting with a solicitor. I need to
know what your monthly income is including tax credits and child benefit
to see if you are eligible for legal aid or not as this will affect
which solicitor I can refer you to.
As far as maintenance for the children is concerned under CSA rules your
partner will have to pay you about 25% of his net income but this may
vary depending on the number of nights the children spend wih him each
year. It can also be affected if there are any children living in his
new household. More details are on the Child Support Agency website
http://www.csa.gov.uk/.



So basically I'm stuffed cos I havent paid towards rent only household bills!! Just been looking at rental places and I cant afford them with my income and losing so many children at the end of July with parents leaving work and kids starting school full time!!

I am not giving in easily and am not moving out.I will just have to make it really difficult if he tries to sell from under me
x

Aww so sorry to here this hun

I was going to advise going to CAB but you already done that, they got back quick dident they

Do you think he was just blowing off steam or really ment it ?

I know this wont make you feel better right now, but you can apply for a coucil house, or find a private landlord that will accept housing ebnefit. You will get help towards your rent, council tax, your tax credits should increase if it becomes based on just your income. You may be able to claim income support over the quiet work summer months. ((hugs))...i had to go through all that when me and hubby split up (back together now - save confusion) and it is a royal pain in the arse - but i certainly wasnt living on the bread line, and I am sure once you settle you
will be fine financially. xXx

Some little pics for you x x xx

hipmomma said:
I know this wont make you feel better right now, but you can apply for a coucil house, or find a private landlord that will accept housing ebnefit. You will get help towards your rent, council tax, your tax credits should increase if it becomes based on just your income. You may be able to claim income support over the quiet work summer months. ((hugs))...i had to go through all that when me and hubby split up (back together now - save confusion) and it is a royal pain in the arse - but i certainly wasnt living on the bread line, and I am sure once you settle you
will be fine financially. xXx

Trouble with applying for a council house is that they are few and far between round here and really want and need to stay in this village. My work is here and if I move out of the area I am going to lose the mindees that I do have and try to start all over again. As for claiming income support I will still be earning too much as I do have some holiday kids coming.

I just have to hope that this is all going to blow over but not sure that I can forgive him for putting me through this now.

i would advie that you speak to someone with regards to council housing - as you partner would be making you homeless with children they would have to rehouse you and because of your business you may get points for that - it wont hurt to know where you stand with them.

council housing would probably be more secure for you and your kids as private landlords can always sell up and sometimes have problems with repairs etc..

definitely go see a solicitor to see what they say about kids, house, income etc...

is it past having a cards on the table talk with your partner??? maybe he's just got something in his head and is acting without discussing with you - maybe put kids in bed and have an honest chat and see what the root of this is.

good luck hun

Thanks for the pics hun

I think we definitely have to sit down and thrash this out, I still feel numb and feel guilty cos the kids are just sat in front of the tv so really need to get motivated to do something different.

Sun is shining now so think we will go for a walk after lunch
x

oh hunnie how terrible for you.
this happened to me to with my 1st husband, admittedly there was no kids involved.
you can get through this hun, i started again 6 years ago and now i have everything i ever wanted and nobody can take it away from me.
your a srong woman and a great mum and you can do this for u and u'r kids.
good luck hunnie

It is such a difficult one but if you do not work and you claim benefits then there is hope for you. What you need to do is look in your papers at houses for rent and look for the ones that say accept dhss. Well you can apply for one of these houses and you will get majority of the mortgage paid and you will also be able to get free council tax, let us know how things go.

If you can work at it with your partner try your best though.

Shellxx

Hey Alison I wish I could help you with more than just a hug but I don't know the laws over there. You seem like you have a pretty strong head and heart. Just hang in there and maybe things will work out after a heart to heart. If they aren't meant to be worked then you will do what you have to do just apply for every bit of assistance you can get. I've just done the same because I'm having a real hard time finding a job right now, so I'm gonna take what ever I can get to get through in the meantime. You do the same sweety

Hi alison how is everything

I'm no good with this sort of thing so sending some hugs

Hi

I am currently going through the mill with my wife leaving and taking the kids, so can kind of relate to what you are saying. I don't know the law but what rights you have will depend on how long you have been living together. I think more than two years will make you common-law husband and wife which will put you in a better position.

Investigate all options such as housing benefit for private rent, but as previously mentioned also get down to the council and put your name on the housing list as it can take a long time.

If he throws you and the kids out you could end up in a shelter for a while before being house and this will not be pleasant, but you will get housed as soon as possible afterwards by the council. Only problem with this is that there is no guarantee of where.

Seek legal advice about the house and don't leave the house until you have done this as it could affect your rights.

If you are considering private rental then don't accept the estate agents will phone you if something becomes available with housing benefit accepted as in experience they won't because in that market demand outstrips the supply.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you. It sucks whent the kids get involved in something like this.

Owen

Owen I have to agree it does suck when children are involved its the worst ever. All we want is our happiness, I tried to make my marriage work after my hubby decided to go off behind my back I forgive him but he did it the 2nd time.
arghhhh.
shell.xx

Thanks ever so much for your replies everybody. The upshot was we were going to try to work it out. He came back in Thursday evening and started being all nicey nicey and then he asks me if I can give him a lift back from the garage the following morning as his car was going in for MOT - any guesses why the sudden change eh!!!

Anyway, I didnt take him and told him it was a bit two faced after everything he had said, he turned round and said it was me who wanted to leave a couple of weeks ago!! (Must have said that in my sleep). He carried on being nice over the next couple of days and we went to a charity ball last night which was great until right at the end when he seemed to think I was getting involved in an argument between a couple we know!! Thing is, I'm more friendly with the guy than the woman and asked if everything was all sorted blah blah and Dennis seemed to think that when this guy came back in the room he gave me a smile and thumbs up and I smiled back!! Not sure I see any harm in that. Dennis got in a right strop and started moaning about me getting involved in things I shouldnt - what a crap end to a fab night!!

This morning was sort of okay until I asked if I minded if I booked a stall at a village fete for my toy business and he turned round and said that he wasnt looking after the kids for the day!!! FFS how selfish can the man get?? We went to Tescos and I just walked off and gave him looks and when we got to the checkout he told me i could shut up and started huffing the bags everywhere - what a jerk. I really wanted to try to make it work but the rest of the day has been really crap and think I do actually want out of this now but like Owen said I cant leave the house until I know what my rights are and I have no intention of upheaving the kids and disrupting them!!

I feel really down now and am looking forward to my minding kids to come in the morning and distract me - at least they keep me sane and I do have to have a certain amount of professionalism in front of them
x

I really do feel for you breaking up when a child is involved is the worst thing ever. At the end of the day you have to follow your heart, but to stay together for the childrens sake would not be the right thing to do however some people do it. Only you know what you want and you can't continue your life the way you are. You both need to make it work and if one isn't trying then you really do not stand any chance.

I send you lots of hugs and hope that after a sleep 2morrow you will be ok. PM if you need to chat, I'm a single mom and can offer advice should you want it.

Shell
x

aww hun im sorry to hear your having a tough time hun, i would be in the same situation as you if me and jamie split, as i dont have name on mortgage and dont play towards any bills (i am sahm) so i was only interested what would happen to me if jamie threw me out and the kids! (we are not married either )

i really hope u can get sorted hun and find a happy place for you and your children)