at the end of my tether with my mum and brother

I have had a row with my mum today. I hate falling out with her and its very rare i do but i cant take anymore.
It all started about 4yrs ago when my brother was 14 he started hanging around with so men who was in there 30s he then started acting like a "big hard man" constantly disobeying my mum shouting screaming and hitting her never listening to anything she said she would tell him to go to his room and he would climb out the windoW. i can remember after he had done it a few times she locked the door so he couldnt get back in to scare him he then picked up and axe and constantly hit her back door till she let him in. Since then she has been scared of him he thinks thats good because he can get anything he wants of her. My mum became very ill 2 years ago so i moved 28 miles to be with her to help her out. we now live on the same street. But he is just getting worse and worse. On the day i got my babies christened i had a phone call of my mum about 11pm that night she was screaming HES DEAD HES DEAD it was aaron my brother my uncle was having to resusitate him in my mums hallway he managed to get him to breath but my mum was a wreck. We later found out this was because he had over dosed on cocain he was 16 then.I was devastated as my mum always brought us up to be dead against drugs but he had got in with a croud that gave them him. Since then my mum seems to have took a back seat and stuck up for him no matter what he does. Just before christmas i was mugged and was in shock my partner was trying to help me through it and at 4am on boxing ady we was woke up so were my childrenwith aaron banging on my front door my partner thought he had been hurt so ran down to answer the door i heard aaron shouting at my OH so i went downstairs he was saying it was my partners fault i was mugged as he wasnt with me i told him to shut up and get out and told him he was being silly my 2 year old started crying so i pushed him out of the door and shut it he then started shouting i hope you get raped and slashed next time and shouted he was gonna slit my babies throat i told my mum and all she said is he shouldnt have done that nothing was said to him. I havent spoke to him since and i dont let my babies call him uncle anymore as an uncle wouldnt say that about his neices. Then today my sister come around cring saying he was accusing her of stealing drugs out of his room and that he was going to hit her my sister doesnt take drugs i went mad and told my mum i thought i was horrid that she was allowing him to have drugs in the house she started shouting at me and walked of i dont know what to do anymore i am conciderind moving away to be away from it all.
sorry for going on i have just had enough

oh Chez you poor babe,my thoughts are with you that is awful your brothers are ment to be there for you not behave like that.I can understand if he is under the infuents of some substances that he might get agressive but nor you or anyone else especially the kids do not deserve to be treated like that.I think you should do what is best for you and your family and if that means moving so be it.Im so sorry you have to go through all this hun i am here for you if you need to chat.I hope you find some sort of peace with your mum aswell. xxx

i'm so sorry!

I think you need to do whats best FOR YOU and your family hun. If that means moving away, then do it. I'm estranged from my own family due to them betraying me one time too many. It hurts but at the end of the day, its your life and the life of your babies that you need to focus on. It sounds like nothing can be done to help the situation with yr brother and i'm afraid he will have to deal with his own fate eventually. As for your mum, well sadly from experience i know how mothers back their sons up no matter what they've done.

Do whats best for you hun and dont let anyone else change your mind! Sounds like you've got a great supportive partner so go and be a happy family away from all this hassle, you dont deserve or need it.

xxxx

i agree with glittergirl and jo-jo hun. you poor thing having to go through this ((((((((((huge hugs)))))))

aww hun sorry to hear this, ((((((((((HUGS))))))))

i can relate ever so slightly to this as we are currently at war with daves mother! but hun at the end of the day you have to do what is best for you, your partner and most of all your children! you dnt need to live listening to things like that!

you have you own family now and you need to think of them! obviously your mother isnt listening to you, so you need to make the right decision for your family!

hope this helps hun (((((HUGS)))))

I cant even begin to contemplate how difficult this must all be for you. I can only relate in a slight way as when my brother was younger he smoked a lot of cannabis and was often violent and aggressive towards me. I moved out of my family home because of it.

Personally, if it was me (and yes I know easily said when you're not in the situation) If someone, anyone, turned up at my house and was aggressive and threatning, the first thing I would do is call the police.

Perhaps that is what it would take to make a move towards your brother sorting himself out. xXx

Thanks for all your replies he has now been caught with drugs on him and is getting done with possesion with intent to supply he is in crown court on the 16th july the solicitor has said he is looking at going to jail for 2 years. In a way i hope he does get sent down but im worried about my mum because she has a bad heart and its all getting to her and he has said if he does get sent to jail he wont be coming out as he will kill himself. So my mum is more upset and worried i do love him and do care for him just because he is my brother but when i see him i feel nothing but hatred for him. I just dont know what to do x x x

Hey chez, maybe this is a blessing in disguise i guess all you can do is be there for your mum.Maybe ask if the prison has re-hab services or sessions they offer?also let them know about what he said so they can keep an eye out for him.I know this is going to be hard on you all hun but all you can do is be there for one another.These issues have ways of tearing families apart.(sorry if im babbling on.)thinking and praying for you all.xxxxxxx Keep strong

Hey Chez, I missed this post originally, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It does sound like a blessing in disguise as Jo said. I hope he will come around with some help, it sounds like he needs it desparately. I commend you for still caring and not completely washing your hands of him as many would have at this point (and deservedly so) I hope this is the beginning a good thing for all of you I've seen people that I thought would never come back from the dark world of addiction to become incredible assetts to the world, it's not too late for Aaron.

thanks for all your replies and advice i really appriciate it. He is in court tomorrow but its a four day trial so will let you know what happens thanks again x x

sorry to hear this hun good luck at court case! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi just letting you know the court case was pursponed again till next month. I really hope he does get sent down now. He decicied to start shouting all sorts at me and my partner last week as he was walking past and we was talking to my neighbours. my partner told he to shut up and stop acting like a spoilt child and go away he the punched my partner a few times in the face my partner ended up hitting him back and they ended up fighting my sister pulled my partner away and i pulled aaron away he grabbed me by the throat and punched my in the face my partner grabbed him of me and aaron hit him again so my partner fought back my mum then pushed my partner to the floor and hit him in his head then aaron hit him in his eye and blacked it and cut in open i screamed at my mum and told her to sort her son out or i was calling the police she took him home and he ended up blacking my mums eye when she got him home she has said he keeps threatening to kill himself and she has forgive him yet again. We have decided to move now coz aslong as we are around here we have to see him and i dont want to look at him hes no brother of mine anymore. Sorry to keep moaning i just need to let of steam x

Oh Chez im so sorry that this happen to you again.I think you are doing the right thing in moving away as it sounds like its getting beyond the joke and to violent.I know he has problems with his habbits and all but that is no excuse!I guess prison is going to be on the cards for him and maybe he will get the help he needs?Hun all you can do is just move on and focus on the great little family you have made for your self.Take care babe and vent when ever you feel the need to!

jo-jo said:
Oh Chez im so sorry that this happen to you again.I think you are doing the right thing in moving away as it sounds like its getting beyond the joke and to violent.I know he has problems with his habbits and all but that is no excuse!I guess prison is going to be on the cards for him and maybe he will get the help he needs?Hun all you can do is just move on and focus on the great little family you have made for your self.Take care babe and vent when ever you feel the need to!

Hugs from me too hun, I completely agree with jo-jo. Maybe someday if he gets help, you could give it another try with him, unfortunately it sounds to me like it's pretty far gone now , you are making the right choice for you and your family.

Omg i cant belive u all got punched



I think the best idea is to move away hun, have a fresh start!

Thanks for all your support. Hopefully we will find somewhere else soon and will be out of here my mum is ment to be moving down south now so i have heard today but aaron is staying over here so we are looking for somewhere quick x x x