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Stopped my 15yr old daughter from seeing her boyfriend

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
My daughter is nearly in her last year of school which is yr10 and this is the most variable time of her life so me and my husband have chosen that she is not going to see this boy outside school only in school .
She is always up to date on all her work and her grades are good but i don't wan her to make any mistakes is this wrong ?

All she does is cry and look unhappy all the time what can i do to make her happy again ?

I always wanted her to have a good relationship and his boy has given her one he wanted to take her out this Friday to the cinema and he even wanted to pay for her i was well happy but then she came home one day from school and just cried and said what a rubbish week she has had hadn't been out or anything so i told my husband and he told he that she is not able to see this boy anymore out of no were how can i sort all this out ?

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Hi.. I'm confused.. are you not letting her see this boy because you are afraid that her grades are going to fail if she's spending time with a boy outside of school or are afraid she may make wrong decisions and do something with him she may regret later?? It sounds like if she's doing well in school and is a well behaved teenager, it is my opinion she should maybe be able to see him on a limited basis. I know from experience when I was 15 my parents forbid me to see a boy (for good reason) but being quite rebellious I saw him anyway and endured an abusive relationship because I didn't want to end it just because "my parents said so"... I know, that's really stupid, but I think that's just how some teenagers think. It sounds like your girl is on the right track, maybe just give a chance to see how it goes?? Good luck, keep posted

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
I think as long as her school work doesnt suffer I dont see why she cant see him on your terms like she cant see him on a school night (therefore giving her the time to do her coursework) and seeing him on maybe a saturday and on a sunday provided she does her homework on a friday after school or something and make it clear to her if your grades drop then we'll have to review the terms she can see him.

Can I ask is this boy older than her? As this maybe why your husband isnt keen on her seeing him as most dads see there daughters as there baby girls and dont like them growing up too quickly whereas mothers are more understanding as they have probably been in a similair situation when you were her age.

Id recommend you and your hubby having a chat and find out his reasons why he doesnt want her to see this boy and then coming to an agreement your both happy with along with your daughter.

RichRich Moderator
posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Hmmm tricky, tricky, tricky!

I remember back when I was at school and had girlfriends, I remember how exciting it was, not on a sexual level, but because it's the start of something that makes you feel alive inside. I was never stopped by either sets of parents from seeing her, only not allowed to go to the house during the day if they were'nt in, which is fair enough...not allowed to go there until she had done her school work, again, completely fair..Her dad actually took the time to get to know me, and he felt comfortable with me being round there, and we saw eachother most every night! We were only allowed downstairs, as you all know what happens...upstairs lol, well not in every case, but the bed room is always associated with hanky panky is it not?...

If your husband is being protective of her, then invite the boy over for dinner and get to know him, question him if need be, but don't alienate yourselves from your daughters needs, she needs this boy right now, he makes her feel good, and not being able to see him is probably making her dislike your decisions because no rational explanation has been given to her as to why she can't see this's going to happen sooner or later, better it's under your rules, than theirs in my opinion...because the more you say she can't see him, the more they will try and be together by other means. I hope you can come to some sort of mutual decision that allows her to see him ( under your own terms and conditions ), and not have her turn complete rebel on you both. I have no doubts that you are just looking out for her, but think how you would feel in her shoes also...think if you guys were stopped from seeing eachother..thats how she probably feels now, she's displaying unhappiness due to not seeing this guy, well...only one thing is going to make her happy right?...give them some trust, give them some ground rules, but be supportive too.

I hope this helps some from a mans perspective, open, honest opinion there.

Keep us posted

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
I just have to say Rich, that was so well put... man's persective or not. Very happy To Smithy, I think Rich said what I was trying to say about the rebellion thing but he just said it way better Wink

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Couldnt have put it better myself Rich so ditto what he just said Very happy Very happy

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
excellent response rich - being a parent is the hardest job in the world but if you can think back to what it was like when we were kids and how much responsibility our parentst placed on our shoulders (too much or too little) and then try to strike the right balance.

it is extremely healthy for this young woman to be in a relationship - she will learn so much about her feelings and those of others and if you support her and actively take an interest you will be there for the smiles, the tears and all thats in between.

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
KissI know how your daughter must feel i went through the same thing at 15 but my parents didn't let me see any boys at all (ethnic family).I had to constantly sneak around with my boyfriend and i took days of of school to be with him.He lived 45 minutes away from me.In the end my school work suffered and i dropped out of school.It sounds like you have a great daughter and trust isn't a issue so how about trying to have a chat just you your partner and daughter and find a compromise that will work? maybe she can only see him on weekends?just a suggestion hope it all works out for you all. xxxxxx

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Smile I agree 100% with what Rich has said, I think by stopping seing each other her school work will suffer more as she will feel unhappy, you need to sory some king of arangment out so that she does all her course work etc then can see him on your terms otherwise i think she might rebel against you decision.

Kiss Kiss Good luck with it not looking foward to my Daughter getting to this stage must be so hard Shocked

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
Ok. I should remember this, only 9 ( Shocked ) years ago!

If it was me, I would trust my daughter unless she gave me a reason not to. As other have said, set rules, times etc.

I was stopped from doing anything in my late teens, had no trust or freedom from my parents. I hated every second, because why on earth aren't I dont the 'normal' things that everyone else I know is doing?

Hope you can resolve things so everyone is happy xXx

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
It's hard making choices for your kids. Maybe have a routine where there are set days for home work and then days for socialising.

posted 1 decade 7 years ago
i kinda know how you feel on this one hunni exept i was the child in this one
when i was in my last year of school i got a boyfriend
who was the next door neigbour
also 13 years older than me i didnt tell my mam for 5 months she was horrified when she found out ( naturally)
he told me i had to stop seeing him it lasted a few weeks i just went behind her back

we are stil together 9 and a half years klater

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