Constructive advise needed....

Ok, I'm looking to get different views on my particular situation.

I am a single mom (with BF) of a 4 year old little girl. We have our own apartment (flat) but stay at my boyfriend's house frequently, this only after several months of dating (and spending alot of time together). He has an extra bedroom that is "hers" when we stay here. She has fun when she's here and likes to sleep over but I have some friends (married) who don't think it's such a great idea. I would not do this if I didn't think that there was real potential in this relationship and I have a feeling we will be together for a very long time. Just curious what you folks think about this. I am certainly not looking to get flamed but am looking for views on both sides of the coin. Also, I just want to add that there is no trust issue here. I completely trust my BF around my daughter and have no fear of him being some weirdo in disguise as a nice guy at this point (always sceptical at first though). Thanks ahead for any input

well hun i think if both you and your daughter are happy with the situation then carry on! you love this man and maybe one day you may end you having a place together so why not stay there a few nights! as long as you trust this man around your daughter then i cant see a problem!

what are there reasons for thinking this is a bad idea? do they tell you? xxx

I think you've got it really good. It's good you've stayed in your own place for now as far too many people move in together too quickly. But I think it's lovely when you stay with him your daughter has her own room. It must make her feel relaxed and secure to know she is welcome there. I say keep going; you all sound very happy and accepting of the situation and maybe your friends can't see this because they are not in your situation.

(maybe your friends can't see this because they are not in your situation.)...

I think that has a lot to do with it. The one who is really against it, says it's not good for Aaralyn. She also says that if she is ever a single mom she would never even allow her daughter around any man until she knows he is the "one". Well, I say how does that person get to know what your life is like if they never meet your kid?? Mind you, she's married to a man she hates (a really good guy too) so there's a good chance she will be a single mom and then see what it's really like. My best friend just thinks it may be confusing for Aaralyn but she's not judging me for it like the other one (who is really a friend of a friend, not a friend by choice). I do think that we will live together eventually (pretty sure of it) and it's just a preview in my opinion of what life will be like if we do live together. Thanks girls, still open to more opinions.

you have to do what makes you and Aaralyn happy hun. Jami and i moved 300 miles to move in with James. alot of ppl were dead set against it but i knew it was right, and 5yrs on were still going strong

Thanks Stacey... Aaralyn is happy and so am I so I guess we'll keep going as is. You sound like you made the right move to be with James that's for sure! From your posts, he seems to be a real "keeper" LOL

good for you hun. yr fella sounds a good un too. i know i must sound big headed but james is definately a keeper even though he is obssessed with cricket lol

I think if you feel safe and your daughter is enjoying it then keep going. It is fantastic that he is very willing to include her in your relationship.

I don't think someone married to someone she hates can really pass any judgement to be honest!

("I don't think someone married to someone she hates can really pass any judgement to be honest!")

I know, she is a very judgemental person. She is a good friend of my best friend's other best friend (hmm did that make any sense?) and my best friend Karyn has decided to end her friendship with this person recently. The girl made a rude comment about how my friend needed to go take some more pills (my BF was just recently diagnosed with bi-polar 2 and is quite sensitive about it at the moment)

Anyway, this girl is in for a rude awakening when her really, great, sweet awesome guy for a husband finally has enough and leaves her. She's a stay at home mom with a 4 year old girl. I have a feeling she won't be having a good time in the "meeting new people" world, if that happens.

Ok, back on subject... to elaborate more on my BF's opinion. She is worried that if things don't work out with Marc and I that Aaralyn will be hurt and confused after spending a lot of time over here. I just like to think positive that with things going as well as they are, they will continue to. She did get very attached to a man that I dated from the time she was 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 but he and I are still good friends and he still sees her sometimes. We never stayed nights together with him though because as much as I cared about him I never really felt deep love so eventually I knew it was just meant to be a good friendship.

we have to be optimistic about our relationships. cant live on 'what ifs' otherwise noone would be married. go for it hun

I think what you are doing is fantastic. At the end of the day, even if god forbid everything did go wrong with your fella, people come in and out of childrens lives. Their carers at nursery, then a different teacher for a year at a time. children are well equipped to deal with changes around them. If you and your daughter are happy then you should tell this 'friend' to shove it!

The only advice I can offer is...Follow your heart, if it feels right to you then it most probably is, if it makes you happy with no doubts, then you have hit the nail on the head. The only person who knows the right course of action regarding your daughter is you...friends are always the first to jump in with both feet, but normally the ones that envy your situation are the ones that cause the most problems...if ur Daughter is happy, and you are happy, then sod them and go for it all guns Blazing Best of luck and keep us posted.

Thanks to every one... it's nice to see that you all trust my judgement as well as I do . If there ever comes a moment where I have any doubts, then I will put her feelings, as I always do, as the most important to consider.