11-yr-old with skin trouble

hi

My 11-year-old has a painful skin condition and has recently been referred to a specialist. Our GP says it looks like psoriasis but won't commit himself. But there is another issue which is worrying me.

His skin is most painful in his upper, inner thighs and the small of his back. If he wears shorts or trousers of any kind, this causes him unbearable discomfort, so he is presently off school and has been hanging about in our house in his dressing gown. I'm hoping we can get his condition under control before he starts school in September.

Next month we have a 3-week holiday booked in Jordan which he is really looking forward to and was horrified when my hubby suggested we cancel it because of his condition. We told him he can't travel wearing just a dressing gown and he can't wear that for 3 weeks while we are touring Jordan. The only thing we could suggest is that he wore a plain-styled girl's dress and, to our amazement, he was up for it. I bought a cotton school dress from Woolworths and he says it's fine and doesn't irritate his skin, so I bought him some similar plain dresses.

Our next door neighbour, who happens to be an education welfare officer, saw him playing in our garden in one of the dresses and told us that allowing him to wear girls' clothes in this way is tantamount to child abuse even though we explained why he was wearing it. I disagree - it's not as if we're purposely dressing him up as a girl or anything. These garments mean he no longer has to be imprisoned in our house and will enable him to come on holiday and see the sights in beautiful Jordan.

What do others think?

Katz

What a load of codswallop!!! As long as your son is happy to wear it and he is comfortable and happy and not in any pain then he should go with it.

I hope you manage to get an answer for his skin problems, does he have creams to rub on to help ... any sort of emollient??

hope you have a fab holiday
x

hiya i think that if wearing a dress helps to relieve his discomfort how can that be abuse.if you made him walk around in heavy trousers wouldn't that be worse.just an idea,have you tried getting a pair of loose fitting dungarees,they would probably be less abrasive on the skin than normal trousers and shorts and you can buy some nice ones out of many shops now.hope this helps a little and i hope your son starts to feel better soon.

Our GP won't prescribe any ointments until Kyle has seen a specialist. He won't allow anyone to touch his affected area - he screams if we go anywhere near it - but he will apply tea-tree oil to the area which he says soothes it.

Unfortunately, he can't wear anything that makes physical contact with his inner thighs, so even dungarees are out. To be honest, he looks surprisingly "normal" in the plain dresses we have bought him - Last week I bought this one from the Next catalogue (without the leggings):

http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/children/girls3-16years/22/3

It's not a particularly girly dress and he actually likes wearing it. He wore it today when he came shopping with me and nobody gave him a second look. Perhaps they ought to start making these for boys! LOL

Katz

someone has verbal dohoeroea(sp)!!
how can relieving your son of pain ,count as child abuse ,,ditzy people .
if you were making your son wear clothes which were rubbing the sore areas then ,ye ,id say that was more a form of abuse.
if hes happy to wear it ,leave him be ,and tell the nosey neighbour to get off her high horse!!!

i think your neighbour is an idiot. it would be far worse for you to put your child in pain so that your neighbour thinks he looks "normal". good on you for being so supportive and tell your neighbour to back off.

Thanks for all the support!

There has been a development. This morning we had a visit from Kyle's headteacher - we have known her for quite a few years and she is lovely! She understands Kyle' condition and she suggested that he returns to school tomorrow! I have to bring him in a school dress to arrive at 10.15am after assembly because, during assembly, she will address all the children and explain that he has to wear the dress because of his illness and for no other reason and that she thinks he is supremely brave to come back to school in spite of it. She says she will make it clear that if anyone says a word out of place about it, or taunts or bullies him, she will treat it as seriously as she treats racism and their parents will be called into school. So this afternoon I took Kyle into town and he tried on some blue gingham cotton school dresses - they fit him fine so I bought him two. The lady in the shop was lovely. Something I didn't think of was that he will have to wear white knee socks, too, because boys' grey socks just look weird with the summer dresses. Kyle is absolutely overjoyed that he is going back to school and isn't bothered in the slightest about having to wear dresses or how others will react.

Now we have the blessing of Kyle's head teacher, I don't think our nosey neighbour will have any further grounds to accuse us of being cruel to him.

Katz

Thats really good news - I wish your son the best of luck with school tomorrow - please let us know how he gets on
x

aww hun glad your son got to go back to school today! how did it go hun? hope all was well, xxx

I hope your son had a great day at school today. He is so brave and must be very secure with himself too, that is so awesome. I'm glad to hear that the head teacher is being so supportive too. Send some hugs to Kyle and his teacher from me!

your son is so brave (good for him I hope he is always like that) Hope he has a great time at school and I think you have a HT in a million

Thanks for all the kind messages! Kyle has read all the threads here and is sitting by me now as I type this. I have just had to instruct him how to sit properly when wearing a dress - something we don't have to think about but it doesn't come naturally for boys. He tends to sit with his legs spread apart and that shows off his underwear! He also has to learn to gather the skirt of his dress under him as he sits down and to check the hem is pulled down. I never dreamed I would have to teach such things to my son!!!

Kyle says he has had a good day at school - mostly the other children just ignored what he was wearing. He has two really good friends who are boys and one who is a girl and they stayed close to him all day. There were only two small incidents which happened, the first was at lunchtime and involved a member of STAFF!!! While Kyle was queuing for his lunch, one of the school dinner ladies said out loud "Hey, why the frock? Are you wearing it as a punishment or something?" One of Kyle's class mates, a girl, said he has to wear it because he has a medical condition".

The second was when Kyle was approached by an older boy called Sam on his way home from school who started chatting to him about football - this was a boy he has hardly spoken to before so Kyle was a bit suspicious. Before leaving Kyle, he told him that everyone really respected him. Sam also told him that he thought it was unfair that boys normally had to wear grey trousers on warm summers' days and girls could wear "cool" dresses. He also told Kyle that if anyone gave him any "hassle" about his clothes, Sam and his pals would "bang them out" for him. That made me laugh when Kyle told me, but I think Kyle felt a bit embarrassed at it because he just wants people to ignore his dresses.

The weather here has turned a bit cooler today and so Kyle will be going to school in a grey pinafore dress tomorrow rather than a cotton sundress, so we'll have to see if that makes any difference. Hopefully it won't.

Katz xx

I think its fantastic that he had such a great response. Perhaps the dinner ladies weren't told about it?? I think sometimes they get overlooked when it comes to being told things!!

I hope tomorrow is just as good.

Hello Kyle
x

You have a really amazing boy there, let me tell ya!! and sounds like a pretty good bunch of school mates too. I had to LOL when you said the boy said if anyone messed with him he "would bang them out" LOL, I thought that was just an American term.

I hope Kyle has an even better day tomorrow, please tell him I said so

your boy sounds like he has amazing confidence ,hope he carries on like that ,,best way to get on these days ,,well done kyle xx

wow. what a brave boy you got there hun. and what great friends he has. good luck to him and i hope he gets to see a specialist soon.
my brother had really bad psoriasis (sp) on his feet. he couldnt walk cause his feet split. my mum had to fight to get him to see a specialist. but when he did they gave him this cream and it cleared it up, and touch wood hes not suffered since

im really pleased your son has had a good return to school.hope this continues.give him lots and lots of hugs and kisses for being such a brave young lad.hope he can get some help for his condition soon

Some developments. The head called me into her office yesterday and told me Kyle has been given permission to use the male staff toilets because he felt awkward using the boys' urinals. She also told me that she has been called by a reporter from a local paper who wanted to run a story on Kyle. She told him to contact us directly, but that she doubted we would want that. She's dead right - we don't! Not heard anything yet, though. She also told me that when she had spoken to the classes before Kyle started back at school, she saw Sam smirking and guessed he might give Kyle some trouble. Sam has a reputation for being a bit of a hard-case. She decided to nip that in the bud and so she collared Sam afterwards and told him that she wanted him to do a very special job - to keep an eye on Kyle on her behalf. Sam was flattered by this and that appears to explain his friendliness to Kyle.

Perhaps you can give your views on a disagreement Kyle and I have about one of his dresses. We have just returned from the library and Kyle was wearing a dress he chose himself but I'm not comfortable about it because I think it is a bit more "girly" that the others - he is my boy after all. But he's decided he really likes it because it is really loose and airy and he says "a dress is a dress, mum, if I have to wear them why have I got to wear boring colours only?". We bought it from Next along with a couple of more plain styles and both Kyle and I would to read what others think. This is the style:

http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/children/girls3-16years/3/8

Thanks

Katz

it didn't come through??

I've some how managed to miss this thread untill now but what a great little boy you have! I must admit that that dress is quite girly but I guess he has a point that a dress is a dress so if he is comfy in it what the hell!