They think it's all over .........

And it is now.

After my wife returned today from the wedding (see https://www.justparents.co.uk/ftopict-1279.html ) we sat down to have a heart to heart, or at least that is what I thought.

While she had been away I had done a lot of work around the house to make it more pleseant for her to come back to, and had also spent time reading one of the books that relate promote. I was hoping to convince her that we should give Relate a go.

Instead she tells me that she has realised that there is nothing left, and that she can't bear to see me hurting any longer, so it is over. She tells me that she has very strong feelings for this other man but has done nothing out of respect for me.

She told me that I have taken her from being a 19yo single mum who was fightened of men due to a previous relationship, had no self esteem or confidence. I treated her gently and earned her trust, gave her back her self esteem, and helped to get a job boosting her confidence. She has now developed and feels that she no longer needs or wants me. I'm my own worst enemy.

I now need to work out what to do. She wants to move near to her female friend from this other forum, also happens to be near this bloke. She doesn't want the house but I will be 1.5 hours away from the kids if it is successful.

Got to catch up on some sleep now but will probably post some more tomorrow.

I am so sorry hun. Thinking of you
x

Thinking of you. xXx

thinkin of u,

Very sorry to hear this hun - at least now you know how she feels hun - i know its hard but u can at least try and move forward a bit now *hug*

aw am thinking of you hun, sorry to hear this hun but in the long run its best to know this now rather than months down the line,

Sorry to hear this has turned out the way it has, but from your original post it looked horribly like it was going to. I am not impressed with the way your other half has gone about this, it's pretty obvious she had something planned...is the word disgusting too strong? When you have kids it's a whole different board game with regards to wanting to abandon what you have, they will be gutted not to have their Dad around all the time...maybe in the long term they will resent her for doing this...sounds like she wants all the cakes she can get her hands on and eat them! From a different point of view, maybe your better off without her...try and pick yourself off the floor and build a new life, make it clear to the Children you love them and want to see them as much as possible ( Which I am sure you do anyway )...as she did'nt even give the Relate thing a go, I think she's put herself accross as a very selfish person, good riddance to bad rubbish...I would offer this last bit of advice, if it all goes arse up with this new bloke of hers, no matter what she says to you...I would think twice about having her back. Keep us posted, and if you need to vent..you know where you are welcome to.

Thanks for your kind words.

Got in touch with a solicitor today to get an appointment so that I can understand where I stand with everything (house, money, kids). She says that she doesn't want the house or any money, but I know that the CSA (or whatever they are now) won't go for that so I already have something setup there.

I am concerned about her moving 1.5 hours away as I then have to decide to stay where I am or move down there as well to be near the kids. The problem is that altough my work is based from home it puts me 1.5 hours further away from just about anywhere I have to go for work, but at least I would be near the kids.

Does anybody have any advice on what to tell the kids. I don't want them thinking that I wanted any of this because I don't, but at the same time I don't want to be seen to be poisoning them against their mum.

I think that to try and keep the kids as settled as possible you need to try and look as if you and their mum are still friends. If you get into big arguements it may hurt and frighten them. It must be really hard to be told to keep calm but I think it will also help you to keep regular contact with your children if your wife moves away with them. If things get really unpleasant between you two she'll be more likely to say she doesn't want you in her life-thus you can't see the kids.
I'm so sorry you are hurting right now and I'm sure no words will ease you at the moment;but please try and take care of yourself

Poor you, i hope everything works out ok. you sound like a fantastic dad and i can tell it'd be awfl for you to be so far from your children. good luck, thinking of you xx

oh dear chick!!

i am so at her saying how you gave her self esteem and confidence and restored her faith in men and now she doesnt need/want you OMG!!! so she is going to become similar to the blokes who didnt treat her with respect??

i totally understand that people fall out of love and change especially after many moons and a few kids but if you loved and respected the other person you would be open and honest and do everything in your power to work things out, fall back in love, ignite the spark, go to counselling, work out any issues etc. and by then if nothing has worked at least the injured party has possibly gotten used to the idea and wouldnt feel so awful.

the sheer feeling of helplessness is one of the wort feelings in the world and i honestly feel for you. be strong, be civil, be there for your gorgeous kids and come on here and vent your anger, grief, your tears and the other 101 feelings you will go through.

huge

esther

i am really sorry to here what you are going through hunni it must be awful for you i really hope things work out for you soon x

Thinking of you at the moment, so sorry to hear it didn't work out for you.

At least you now know where you stand, little comfort, but one hurdle over with. You obviously love your kids it comes out strongly in your posts and you did everything in your power to make the relationship work. Don't be hard on yourself for it breaking down.

x

Thanks again for the kind words and support at this trying time. It means a lot as my only real close friend, my best man, has not been in touch since I told him about the situation 8 weeks ago. I have however been back in touch with some of my old school friends who I have been pretty bad at keeping in touch with and they are being supportive.

I have managed to convince the wife to attend Relate whilst she is making her arrangements to leave. Maybe they can make her see the error of her ways, but mainly I want to sort out the communication between us and get some advice on how to tell the children and handle their emotions afterwards.

She still wants to move 1.5 hours away which means that any access with the children will involve them spending lots of time in cars travelling which I don't think is fair on them. Driving doesn't bother me as I do 20,000+ miles every year anyway, sometimes driving for 8 - 10 hours per day, mainly so that I didn't have to spend a night away from home, as the company would have paid for a hotel.

im really sorry to hear the sad news hon. i really hope ur gonna be ok and i wish u all the best .

Aw man
Orc this sucks.

You were supportive and loving and now she's benefitted enough from it to play the field?? SHe will regret that one day.

Is there any way you can move to where she's headed? So you can be close to the kids?

Some people just don't know a good thing... it seems cruel to the kids too.

Hugs xxx

She has asked me to move there as well. Not so straight forward when you own a house. My job will not stop me moving there as I work from home, but it will add at least an hour to almost every journey I have to make as I normally travel north or into London. South west by an extra hour or so is not a good move, especially if I decide I want to change jobs in the future.
Have to see what she decides. Then I have to make a decision. I saw a solicitor today and I was told that I would have a good case for residence as I would be looking out for the kids best interests. I don't want to take the kids off her, but want her to think about them as they are the most important ones in this.

thinking of u hun hope u manage to get something sorted soon babe
xxx

It must not be easy on you.. i'm so sorry.....