problems with x partners

i was married in 2003 for a very short period of time, if was a nasty relationship and literally lasted 4 months. in that time i fell pregnant with my first child. as a result of the constant abuse i recieved i move from inverness back to kent with my parents. i ended up havin a c section at 28weeks 5 days due to sever per-eclampcia that couldnt be controlled. my little boy was born weighin only 2lb 1oz.
my ex husband came to see him when he was born but wasnt present at the birth, my mum as instead. he stayed for 6 days then left and has never looked back. we had a very stick divorce as he refused to sign papers 4 times, even thou he had a new partner that i didnt relaise he had all the while we were married, and thats who he walked away from our son to be with. he was in jail for assult on that girl just 4 months after that.
anyway after eventually him signin and admittin the abuse he used to give me we got divorced and i met my husband now. he's absoultly amazing, hes bought paul u as his own and allan is all paul has ever known as a daddy. just resently i had to get back in contact with my x to ask for his permission for allan to adopt paul and ive had nothin but hassle since! constant emails of abuse. hes even said he never wanted paul but wont give him up now. just so he has control still. how bloody nasty! i really dont know wot to do now, allan is still very very supportive and ive since had 2 other children but adopting paul would make things complete

oh hun I know how you feel. I fell pregnant in a short relationship (although I knew the guy for ages before we got to together) and he became very abusive and violent and I left, althrough my pregnancy I recieved nasty letters and phone calls and for the first 4mth of my sons life and then they stopped. Although I havent met anyone else yet (trust is a big issue for me) I am dreading ever having to make contact with my ex because I believe it will cause huge problems. Speak to a solicitor hun and see what they say.

Hope you get it all sorted.xx

I dont envy your situation at all. I would agree with alex, getting some legal advice, even if it is from citizens bureau, would be a good place to start.

xXx

hi

i assume your ex has parental responsibility of your son?? if not you can do what you like. if he has see a solicitor pronto and keep all emails, texts, diary of calls abuse etc to give to your solicitor.

if a court can see that you are in a stable loving family and your son would benefit they will give the go ahead - though they dont really let you adopt these days as it means u also have to relenquish your rights to your son and then both adopt him, they prefer you to go down the same route as i did -

what i did was change sons name (his choice) once i had married and gave hubbie parental responsibility for my son so he has the same rights as me and should anything ever happen to me, he would be his guardian.

good luck

esther

thanks for all the comments on this. pinkynfluffy, as we were married wouldn't he have parental responsibility anyway? as i always thought it was different if u were married to just being in a relationship, if ya get wot i mean. i have been told that going for my DH to get parental responsibility will be alot easier than adoption , i have written letters to my local council and asked for as much info on step parent adoption as poss so i shall keep u all posted.
also i am keeping all emails and text's from ex in case he does cause any more problems.

kirst said:
i was married in 2003 for a very short period of time, if was a nasty relationship and literally lasted 4 months. in that time i fell pregnant with my first child. as a result of the constant abuse i recieved i move from inverness back to kent with my parents. i ended up havin a c section at 28weeks 5 days due to sever per-eclampcia that couldnt be controlled. my little boy was born weighin only 2lb 1oz.
my ex husband came to see him when he was born but wasnt present at the birth, my mum as instead. he stayed for 6 days then left and has never looked back. we had a very stick divorce as he refused to sign papers 4 times, even thou he had a new partner that i didnt relaise he had all the while we were married, and thats who he walked away from our son to be with. he was in jail for assult on that girl just 4 months after that.
anyway after eventually him signin and admittin the abuse he used to give me we got divorced and i met my husband now. he's absoultly amazing, hes bought paul u as his own and allan is all paul has ever known as a daddy. just resently i had to get back in contact with my x to ask for his permission for allan to adopt paul and ive had nothin but hassle since! constant emails of abuse. hes even said he never wanted paul but wont give him up now. just so he has control still. how bloody nasty! i really dont know wot to do now, allan is still very very supportive and ive since had 2 other children but adopting paul would make things complete

i know what you are going are going through hunni i was with my ex partner for a short while i did know him for years befors but when we got together he changed. I was only 16 at the time and he was 24 i left home and moved 30 miles away with him. when i did that i was beaten constantaly and he took all the money i hardly ever ate and was in a right state when i thought things couldnt get worse i found out he was drug dealing from our house i was also late on my period i went and had a test done and it was positive thats when i knew i had to get out. I plucked up all my courage and went back and packed my stuff he caught me he went to hit me so i shouted dont hit me im pegnant he screamed and shouted then beat me then left the house i knew i would only have a minute before he was back so i ran out the back way got to a phone box and rang my mum she came to pick me up straight away. she couldnt belive what state i was in coz i always made things out to be brilliant when i spoke to her i moved in with her then but constantly had nasty phone calls, texts, etc i couldnt even go out on my own because neighbours had seen him watching my mums house it was a nightmare. then they stopped for about 2 months then just before i was due to give birth i got a phone call of a girl crying telling me she was sleeping with simon when she was with me and had a little boy to him and he had kiddnapped him and sent her a text saying he was going to get his daughter coz he knew she was due to be born because me or that poor girl was not fit to look after his kids. I got on to the police and they was watching for him but luckly he never came then. Untill the last time i seen him when my baby was 3 weeks old when i was on the train with her going to see my dad when i stood up to get of and lent over the pram to put my baby in and i heard his voice a felt a pain in the back of my head he was punching and kicking me there was a train full of people but yet only 1 man tried to help me he grabed him while i ran of the train with the pram when the doors opened I was then going out with my parner now and he took my daughter on as his own.and we have 2 more children together she has only ever known phill as her dad and loves him more than anything. We are going to try and get it so phill adopts her but we are not sure weather to wait till she is older so we can ask her whats she want coz shes only 3 now. i am just so scared of her asking to find simon because i couldnt do it we have all had to move including my mum from a house she loved so that he cant find us.

That sounds like a very scary situation,I imagine a horrible feeling was hanging over you all the time. I commend the fact you were strong enough to get out quick as many poor people get so caught up in bad relationships they can't leave. I hope all of you who have had threatening partners are now happy and loved

GTTkel said:
That sounds like a very scary situation,I imagine a horrible feeling was hanging over you all the time. I commend the fact you were strong enough to get out quick as many poor people get so caught up in bad relationships they can't leave. I hope all of you who have had threatening partners are now happy and loved

my mum was in a violent relationship for 9 years and couldnt get out of it and i seen what happened to her so i knew i had to get out quick before my baby went through what i did when i was growing up. I couldnt be happier now though hunni x

hi kirst

is he on the birth certificate?? if so then yes he will have pr as you were married but if he's not on the birth certificate - i dont think he will have pr.

if your ex is arsey about your DH gaining pr (as ex should also sign the pr agreement form) then you might have to go court to get it without his permission.

i downloaded pr agreement form from hmcc website and got it signed in court and sent to the registry and it didnt cost anything - but going to court does im afraid!!!

good luck and if you need anymore help give me a shout!!

hello pinknfluffy
yeh he is on birth certificate. he has days where hes fine with it then all of a sudden he'd of had a drink n starts with the abuse ive even changed my mobile num n that cos i wont have him doin it to me anymore. i think obnce all paper work is in front of him he'll sign then he'll b gone but i just wish he would stop tryin to control my life still. hes re married as i am and has another child on the way, i feel so sorry for his wife cos she must be gettin the brunt of it

hi hon

http://www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/cpra2_1205.pdf

here is the link to the step parental responsibility form you can just print it off but both you, DH and ex will have to go to court (dont need an appt and it doesnt cost anything just say you need a clerk to witness the document) where you will have to sign under oath. then you make 3 copies of the form and send them to the address where they will record it.

your ex will still have pr - so if you want to change DS name or leave the country he would still have to give permission - not sure if you can take pr away from him.

then you can send a copy to school or anywhere needed to prove that your DH has pr

be strong you are doing the best for your child

just an update,
after finding out his new wife is almost due to drop ive had several nasty calls 2 of which happened when i was at my parents on a long weekend.
he doesnt see why he should have to pay c.s.a until the adiption goes throu as hes got a wife who is almost due to drop?? please tell me if im bein nasty but what the hell has that got to do with me anyway???

your not being nasty hunni i would do exactly the same x x x

hi, dont know how you do it. i like life to be easy, but its just horrible when some people try to make things difficult. your new guy sounds great, and im sure your little one doesnt need any papers to know who cares about him.
maybe im wrong, but im a believer in the fact that deep down people are good, just that some cant show it.in time things will get better and you can maybe both get on to some degree.
us men can be arse holes
male pride, trying not to show we are hurt, jealous, unable to express how we feel incase it makes us look weak. all things that make us not think and make bad choices.
anyway, not sure if ive helped or missed the whole point