Please HELP!!!

I'm Writing this after finding another "lovematch" type website that my so called boyfriend has joined up to, i just need some advice on what to do.

I'm 17, my boyfriend is 26,ive been with him for 3 years.Im 20 weeks pregnant with his child.
He lives with me and my dad unofficially, and has done for the past nearly 3 years. I've been round to his mums the whole of 2 occasions which is fine because it is an absolute mess and i mean unliveable in. so i totally understand why he wouldnt want people there.

Now today ive just seen in the password protected bit on his pc all ginger and webcam porn which i suppose is ok coz some people do have wierd fetishes and also a picture of 2 14yr old girls with there bits out,which obviously i am not happy about but dont know wether to count this as kiddie porn???. another lovematch type website that he has joined up to i found 1 last week on his laptop which he totally denied and started slaging me off as per usual. and then finally admitted once his exscuses weren't washing, most people would have then dumped the person , but as i am not totally innocent and havent been totally faithful to him i felt that would b a "pot calling the kettle black" situation.
It wouldnt have been as bad if he didnt make me out to b a total idiot yet again by denying it when i clearly proven what had gone on.Or if wen i got found out, he hadn't made my life so much hell.

Having Attempted to make him feel the same way as he made me feel without success , coz nothing goes in to his head and if by some miracle it did he would just get into his car and drive off leaving me here crying and feeling like shhit and then reappear hours later as if nothing had happened.

anyway enough of the rambling basically i am not blameless for my actions i did cheat on him the once even though i got blamed for twice, and took the {Mod Edit} for twice it was once ,which he still doesnt believe and wen i got found out i was really really sorry and admitted what had been proved (unlike him) , said if u want to dump me i would understand and then let him treat me like {Mod Edit} for doing so

Anyway ive found like 3 of these love things now on his laptop and he is never in the house only to sleep and eat so obviously i dont know what hes up 2. i dunno wether to tell him i found another 1 2day wen he comes in just for him call me all the names under the sun and then to leave me crying here while he {Mod Edit} off out or not.it would just be an arguement and id take him bk as per usual and i really dont have a clue why i am still with him i mean hes not good looking or good in bed which doesnt really matter to me ,but would atleast give me an exscuse for being with him, for the fact that he is a total and doesnt seem to want me.

So as i have no hope of actually dumping him and keeping him dumped plus i want my child to know its father which wouldnt b possible if i wasnt with him because id have to move to live in surrey as i couldnt get a place of my own or go on living with my dad as there simply isnt enough room. he would still c his child but it wouldnt really know him. We have to find a place here to live together as we cant live as his mums either as it would be unhealthy and unsafe for the child so the place we'd b moving to wont have internet so he wont beable to go on and neither will i, and he wont beable to b out every waking hour in his car and have me sat in waiting coz,i cant go out and b accused and have to stay in so that wen he gets bk he can come in.
because there will b a baby to look after i just dont know what to do do i wait and see if it will get better living together or not and have to move and have a fatherless child??
I do love him god knows y but i do, i just dont c anything changing

i dont really have alot of choice please help.

Sweetheart I am on here at the moment but have to go and sort kids dinners out - I have read all that you have to say and will reply again in a little while - didnt want to read and run.

speak to you in a bit
x

thanks alis378 xxxxx

well this is my advice. Get your self out of there. you can get your own little place of your own easilly but you dont need you partner looking at child pornography. the fact that he is lying to you write in your face is bad enough. You are going to have his child. he finds child pornography exciting then who knows what he is capable of! you dont need him im sure you have friends that can help you. if you want him to know his child then that is you decision but in my opinion he wunt be going anywhere near my child!

alis378 said:
well this is my advice. Get your self out of there. you can get your own little place of your own easilly but you dont need you partner looking at child pornography. the fact that he is lying to you write in your face is bad enough. You are going to have his child. he finds child pornography exciting then who knows what he is capable of! you dont need him im sure you have friends that can help you. if you want him to know his child then that is you decision but in my opinion he wunt be going anywhere near my child!

Hi, that was my 16 year old daughter's advice and I have to say she hit it right on the head!!

Looking at 14 year olds on the web IS kiddie porn and I wouldnt want to be anywhere near that man!!!

I know that you want your baby to have its father in its life and that truly is admirable but it sounds like he has given you so much heartache already that you really do not need him in your life.

Have you been to see a housing officer with your local council - if not, do it and get your name down.

This man has absolutely no respect for you - he's proved that by putting you down, calling you some nasty things and not even being there for you.

I know this sounds really harsh and you probably dont want to hear it - if you want, PM me with your MSN addy if you have one so that we can chat further or even via PM if you want.

you take care of you and your baby

Hey there hun, how are you doing??

I think alis378 is right hun. You need to get yourself out of there or kick him out. I know it is alot easier for someone on the other end of a laptop and not been through it, to say just like that but he is making you feel guilty for what he is doing to you, I'm sorry to be harsh but thats classed as domestic abuse, he is mentally controlling you.

If my husband was looking at 14 year old girls I would take my kids and leave it is kiddie porn if they are under 18. I wouldn't be happy at all either if he was signing up for dating websites. It sounds like he has some terrible issues, you are carrying a child that will be brought into this mans world hun, do you really want that?

I'm sorry to sound so harsh I'm just worried for you hun and your little bubba, please keep us updated on how you are doing xxx

When you got together he was 23 and you were 14, right?

I'm willing to believe that in rare instances love can develop between someone who's an adult and someone who's a child (In the eyes of the law, as you were when you were 14) - after all, maturity isn't solely down to age. The fact though that he's been looking at 14 years old naked on the internet is VERY disturbing, and yes I would suggest you should get away from him.

You can't just stumble across 14 year old kids on the internet - not even on porn sites. He must have put some effort into getting such pictures, so don't believe him for a second if he lies and says he downloaded them 'by accident' or didn't realise they were there.

As for signing up for dating sites, this shows he has absolutely no respect for you as a partner, and no respect for your unborn child.

This comes from a male perspective - GET RID OF HIM. He doesn't sound like the sort of man you want as a father figure for your baby - and I certainly wouldn't want someone like him raising a child, especially a girl.

There are plenty of great men out there, do yourself a favour and think long and hard about what you really want, and if you're simply staying with him because you're scared of bringing up a child alone. Plenty of people do it, and you'll have the support of your family, friends and even us on the net!

I think you need to get rid of him now!

Downloading and surfing for child pornography is a criminal offence and carries a long jail term. Get out, and don't let that man near your baby. His actions are perverted and despicable!

Sorry to be so blunt!

xxx

I think that from what you have written you know what you should be doing.

You have told us some pretty shocking stuff about your bloke's behaviour. It seems to me that in your head you have decided to leave him, but your heart needs that final shove. If it's help raising a child you are worried about - pah - I'm sure there are plenty of girls on here who will tell you they get sod all help from otherwise perfect guys. Don't fancy your chances of getting that one to do the night feeds. I shouldn't need to tell you to leave him - you know what you should do. Your baby comes first. No baby needs a father like that. Give the poor wee soul the best chance in life and be the responsible one.

Got in after confronting him as usual he wanted to talk whilst in the car we were up on the mountain he became so pissed off smacking the stearing wheel the airbag went off. He said he didnt no how they got there and that they must have came down with some other porn he downloaded , but how am i ment to believe that? wen he has looked in that particular folder since the pictures were downloaded? im stuck 4 even coming up with an exscuse 4 him that they might b there, as much as i may want to. i just don't know wot to do he doesnt even seem that bothered he said he knew i knew the password and that if he knew they were there would he really b stupid enough to leave the folder with the same password? but i think it would have been quite simple to have forgotton to change the password within a week of me founding out wot it was from the sex and swingers love match type sight.
i cannot see him as being a pedophile he seemed like he would b such a good dad wanting to b different from his which he didnt know but he isnt leaving me alot of options but to think that. i really dont want to have to split up with him 4 my child to have no father, but even though i dont truely think he is a pedophile id b putting my child at risk if he was. id just like him to admitt it instead of making me think im an idiot thanks for all your advice everyone i'll let you know what happens i know what i should really do its just doing it thats the problem love katie xxxxxxxxxx

Hun, you need to take some time out from him at least. See how you get on.

I would have been terrified if I had been in a car that a man was so annoyed he managed to make the airbag blow out! Does he often do things like this?

Keep us updated on how you are doing xx

Katielaura said:
He said he didnt no how they got there and that they must have came down with some other porn he downloaded

I'm sorry, but that's bollocks.

I work for a web company, and know that the authorities online are VERY good at removing such stuff from the net. You don't just come across that kind of thing by accident.

Get rid of him. Your baby is better off without that sort of person in their lives, and you're young - you'll meet someone else in due course who'll seem like a perfect guy in comparison to this idiot.

Well said Rob!

OMG Babe, get away from that man!
I was in a similar position to you wen i was younger (wasnt preggers tho)I was 15 and was seeing a man who was 24, he turned out to be just like your man but he got so much worse after a while, he would calling me the most horrible names, accusing me of the worst things which i would ahve never done and in the end he started hitting me, Now to let you understand, thsi guy used to be in the army, he was huge and very strong and one slap could send me flying across the room. I took this for a year then one night he accused me of sleepingwith his dad and walloped me, well I lost my temper and basically smash his stereo over his head reaptedly until his dad and best mate heard what was goign on and stopped me.

I worry for you and your baby because your man sounds the same as Mike was if he throws a tantrum and beats the steering wheel because your found him out can you imagine how violet he's going to be when there is screaming baby in the house.

Please sweetie, leave this man, I did it and im the biggest coward there is, thsi man may not be hitting you but he is abusing you verbally and you dont ahve to put up with that. Run sweetie

I love you loads and loads x x x x x

if he's looking at kiddi porn, it won't be long before the police come a knockin. This sort of surfing gets alerted to the authorities & they'll soon be round taking all the computers etc & looking at what else has been looked at. i know this from experience, someone i know looked at similar images & got banged up for 18months. He now on offenders register! & banned from ever owning a computer (with internet access) again. Be Warned. Prison is no fun for "paedo's".

get u'r self out of there hunnie.
there is no way on this earth u can trust this man with u'r baby , what if he did do something?(god forbid!!!) u'd never forgive u'r self and some people....probably a lot of people, would think 'u knew about this but u still stayed with him and had a baby, that will make u just as bad as him in eyes of some'. would u want people to think that of u?....no!
u can be a great single parent, there are millions out there.
do the right thing for u'r unborn baby!

goodluck sweetheart and lots of hugs

also, no disrepect to u hunnie but what the hell does a 23 year old see in a 14 year old kid or want with them (the thought makes me feel ill ....please!
that alone tells me theres something wrong with this man.
sorry if that upsets u but its true!

aww u poor thing, can i just say if ur relationship is bad now it'll be 100x worse wen baby here. I do think u should leave him he sounds a bit pervy. Im in similar situation apart from the pervy bit. My bloke loves gambling and is obsessed wiv online poker! as well as other things like not spendin time wiv baby, bein lazy etc. Sometimes i wonder why im with him. Since baby things got alot worse. Your better to leave now before its too hard. Im here 4 chat wenever u want. xx

aww bless ya, i know things are hard and you might feel like you are unable to leave this man but i think you should! things will only get worse for you both when the baby comes, alot say they either make or break relationships and by the sound of yours it should be broke!

sorry to sound so blunt but its what i think and am sure deep down you must be feeling this!

love to ya xxx

katielaura xxx big hug to you xxxx hope your ok xxx