DawnTTC said:Believe me, I hate myself for feeling the way I do. Everyone deals with infertility differently. And yes it has turned me into quite a b**ch. Have you any suggestions on how to change my thinking? How do you cope? I saw a counselor for a while... She didn't help much.
Really? I'm sorry I'm new here. I'm a bit shocked as I've just read another thread similar. Are you really unable to be happy for a loving and close friend? Are you seeing anyone that you can talk to about this? How can you not support a friend who's pregnant? I'm also ttcing, but I'm so happy when my friends or family tell me pregnancy news. Last week my sis told me she's expecting. I'm so glad and so excited!
Please don't hate yourself, regardless of your feelings. I don't feel I "cope" as I don't really regard it to be an issue to "cope with" as such. Does that make sense? For me infertility is something that just happens. Pretty much the same as pregnancy just happens to others. It's totally random and largely outside of my control.
While I agree that you might need some down time to process your feelings away from what's upsetting you, I don't think that cutting off your close friends will serve you in the longer term. They have loved and supported you. And will continue to do so, if they're as loving and kind as what you're suggesting.
I think you probably need to start working with a really good therapist. Ask everyone you know if they can recommend someone. You need help to change your thinking about your situation. Sometimes life just sucks. I can empathize with that part but I largely believe in choice and not becoming a victim of circumstance. If one counselor didn't work then keep looking until you find someone you click with. If you're feeling constant disappointment then there are ways to deal with your feelings and refocus your energies. I'd definitely look for someone who can give you the tools you might need to lift yourself up.
Both of your posts are shocking. While the second one I can see where you have tried to offer your support... I guess I'm just shocked that you handle it so well. No emotions from your post... I wish I was that lucky... I do need to 'cope' with my infertility 'issue', of recurrent miscarriage... of a million tears, of emptiness... of the feeling of letting my husband down, of not feeling like a real woman at times, of seeing my friends blossom in pregnancy, then play with their children... the empty nursery set up in our home, of the endless ache in my heart... This and so much more... I refuse to believe that infertility just happens... Or like pregnancy just happens, because I have to work for it, to plan, to be tested, to be jabbed, to be prodded, to take pills, to take temps... And I'm not even on this path as long as others... But I will continue on this path as I am not a victim. It IS in my control to do something. And I will continue to be inspired by so many others, who can share this journey, can empathize, and who can support each other. Here we can talk openly and share when sometimes, we are unable to seek that support from within our own circles of friends and family.