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seems like I’m here only to vent…

posted 4 years 7 months ago
Hey ladies! How’ve you been? How’s your TTC going? Hope you’re doing great. I’m back with a little rant. You probably already know that… It seems like I’m here only to vent… Sorry for that! So… Is everyone in the whole wide world pregnant at the moment? How in the hell did I miss out on the fertile train? About half the staff at work is pregnant, several close friends, my SIL, some random walking down the road... The list goes on. Even one of DH's buddies had a bit of a fling and now they have a baby on the way. I'm so frustrated because many of them have waited to the last possible minute to tell me. They thought I'd be upset at the news, which of course, selfishly, I was... But I'm upset that they waited to tell me!

Sorry to rant, I'm just bitter and obsessed and ticked and feel like I got ripped off. IVF just sucks. I had 3 of them, all failed. I hate having to do it. I hate having it run my life. I hate the stress it has put on my relationship with DH. I hate that our sex life is totally screwed because of it. I hate that I've changed because of it. I hate how my friends' eyes glaze over when I start talking about it, because I always talk about it because I'm an obsessed freak now. I hate not being able to plan things because I’m constantly into IVF route. I hate having to plan for another cycle when you're in the middle of one. I hate having to think of a future family in terms of how much it will cost us before it even happens. My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Now I’m waiting, AGAIN, to start mitochondria donation. Pls pray for me, girls! Chances are high, but I’m so nervous. After all those fails… After 5 long loooong years the hope is almost gone.

Sorry for this post. You’re probably so tired to read my rants. I don't want to step on anyone's toes or insult anyone or make them feel uncomfortable. I'm just so frustrated with everything these days.

posted 4 years 7 months ago
I felt like I just read the story of my life too... I know exactly how you feel. I see my friends tune out when I start to talk about TTC and IVFs, but I figure if I have to listen to them talk about their pregnancies, they can listen to me talk about my treatments. When did we get defined as the IVF chicks???? Why is it so easy for some people? Don't we deserve this???

One thing that I really struggle with is when my friends/family don't get it, don't want to hear about it, tell me to "get over it" or to “relax and it will happen”. It's heartbreaking, invasive, painful in so many ways, and completely does your head in! So vent away, it sure does make me feel like I'm not alone, although I would never wish this utter awful crap on anybody. I know none of us would! It's so good to know there are people that just get it and agree without trying to make light of the situation, cheer me up or give me some crappy advice.

posted 4 years 7 months ago
I can feel your pain through this post. People can say their sorry and feel sympathy but unless you go through this kind of pain, it’s pretty much impossible to understand. I wish we could talk over wine because I think we’d relate so much.
Pregnancy is constantly on my mind, and just like you, I tend to notice every single pregnant woman. I can’t help but feel a sharp pain of jealousy after my initial happiness for them.
You are by no means an obsessed freak! Be kind to yourself. You are a totally normal woman who wants to reproduce and have a baby. It’s literally woven into our DNA.
The hurt we go through doesn’t define our character and circumstances but what we DO with that hurt DOES. You’re going to get through this. Take it one day at a time. And good luck with your upcoming treatment!

posted 4 years 7 months ago
I’m going to vent too... I read this thread right after another failed IVF. I could have written your post word for word. EVERYONE around me is pregnant at the moment. Looking at my friends’ pregnant belly makes me physically ill with jealousy... I hate that she keeps wanting to meet up for coffee and I hate even more that I’m running out of excuses to not see a once good friend.

I am tired of wishing the days away so I can get to the next stage... I’m tired of the torture of the constant waiting... Waiting to get a bfn, waiting to start injections, waiting to start pills, waiting in line at the clinics with a bunch of new mums, waiting to transfer, waiting waiting waiting… I hate that I have changed beyond repair. I know I’ll never be the same again. Sure I'm more compassionate now, but the stress of this journey will stay with me forever. I hate that I am always sad.

It’s ok to feel like you've been ripped off because we have. I know there are people worse off but that doesn't change how S**T my life has become. I’m sick of saying "yeah, everything's going really well" when asked how I am. I really want to say, you know what? Life sucks at the moment. If I see that head tilted look of sympathy again I will punch them in the face. Yep....It sucks. Thanks for "listening" everyone! I would go mad without this forum.

posted 4 years 7 months ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It does suck. Try to keep your eye on the prize. I just had a cry session when reading your post. I think every person undergoing fertility treatments completely relates to you... You've summed it up really well. I really don't think anyone truly appreciates the pain and difficulty if they haven't been through it themselves. I used to get so snappy at people who suggested that DH and I take a holiday/relax/stop thinking about it for a while/get drunk... Oooh, the list just goes on. I get that they mean well and are probably relating personal experience, but seriously... The infertility ride isn't like anything these people have ever experienced. An advertising program needs to be developed to tell these people to shut the fk up... They are seriously risking their eyeballs.

posted 4 years 7 months ago
People who haven't been through this just have no idea. I've had so many comments that make me just want to scream, but somehow that's socially unacceptable. People think we should 'Be Positive' and 'Just Relax'. Call me a cynic, but hey! People who say that kind of thing just don't get it. And don't even get me started on smug pregnant people who conceived on their first month TTC.
Can't tell you how refreshing it is to hear other people put in words things that race around my head more often than I would like to admit! Thank you ladies!
Now I'm off to my SIL's b-day bbq with my DH's very extensive family. Two babies, three toddlers and another two kids. One new mum. One pregnant mum. Two other mums. Guess what the topic of discussion is going to be? Babies. Kids. Dummies, nappies, sleep issues, play, toys, tiredness. Poor me who gets no sleep. Poor me who has put on baby weight. Poor me who has beautiful children and only had to look at hubby to fall pregnant… Wish me luck! If any of them say anything wrong to me today they should fear for their lives. I am mentally strained and I have just read this post. I'm in the middle of de ivf cycle and I don't think I will take the "poor me, I'm a mum to several beautiful children" talk real well today.

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