Blended family troubles here

Hubs has special set of rules for his chikdren 10&13 than mine 5. My son 5 is expected to fold and put away his own laundry, not allowed to have food or drinks out of the kitchen, cleans his room, keeps his toys out of living room, clears his plate, is expected to ask before getting into the pantry or fridge. I dont mind these rules bc it helps him be self sufficient and helps me around the house. It builds his character. However my husband's children have no rules. I try and ask and encourage them to follow the same rules as my 5 yr old does but i get no back uo from husband at all. If i say something to one of his kids about having food and drinks out of the kitchen they dont listen. Husband acts as if im being mean. They leave food wrapoers in the sofa and on the ground, they leave partially eaten food on their dressers and even in their beds. I left a note in 13yr old st.daught room reminding her of the rules when she left a half eaten poptart in her bed for 2 weeks (theyre at our house every other weekend) my husband was not happy about it at all(the friendly note i left) my step son 10 yrs old has a bed wetting issue yet my husband refuses to have him wear training pants to bed bc it embarrasses him. I find soiled underwear feces and urine hidden in his room and he has even gone so far as hiding it in my 5yr olds room (i know the difference between their underwear) he leaves soiled pants on the hardwood floor and ive literally peeled them off of my floor before yet my husband refuses to confront him about the unsanitary issues. Step son also collects dead animals and stores them in his room! My husband actually gets angry with me when i throw them away!!! He claims hes just a boy. My husband also gets angry with me when i dont do his kids laundry but i make my 5 year old do his own. Im at a loss. Idk what to do. Im not allowed to discipline them though my husband disciplines my 5yo. My husband also clean his kids rooms for them even though i ask them to clean their own room before they leave on sundays. They dont do it so my husband does it for them, yet he has never helped my 5yo clean his room. Things were easier when his kids were little, i met them when they were 8-9 and 5-6. I also did not live with them so they weren't my responsibility to clean up after during the week. My hubs works out of town m-th or f. Now that we are married he has high expectations of the household cleaning schedule. If he comes home to a messy house he can be down right mean about it. Again we didnt live together until we got married so i had no idea what i was in for. We planned a pregnancy which happened almost immediately. We were thrilled. But that is when these feelings began creeping up on me. Im 3 months along and instead of feeling closer and more bonded with the family i feel an unrelenting desire to distance myself from hub and 2 step children. I never realized how much I resented the way he raises those kids. Now that im expecting all i want to do is get away from this family. I find myself dreading visits from his children where i once enjoyed going out and doing things with them. The way they leave the house in a disatay and get everything they want leaves me feeling disgust. When we told them we were expecting my 5yo was overjoyed! My steps however are less than thrilled. I asked them if they would come along to the gender reveal scan and immediately sd says no offense but NO! Ss says he isnt looking forward to listening to a baby cry while hes there. Hes also mean to my 5yo son and my son gets in trouble for everything when they visit. Im worried about how he will treat the baby, im worried about my 5yo sharing a room with him when the baby comes. Im eorried about the filth step s seems to enjoy living in and bringing into the house. Im worried that hubs wont back me up on my rules (as he diesnt do so now) im so worried about my biological children suffering (for lack if a better word) to the hands of step son and hubs neglegence. I lay awake at night mulling this over in my head and its become so deep seeded in my mind that i can hardly even PRETEND to be happy in this family. I want to run away. I live for mondays when his kids are gone and hes out of town. I rest easy those nights knowing nobody is judging me for letting the laundry go one day bc im so tired. I love knowing nobody is being mean to or getting my 5yo in trouble for petty things. But come Thursday morning im running around the house making sure everything is spic and span before hubs gets home....or he will call me lazy, give me attitude and then the cold shoulder. He says if im going to be lazy like this for the whole 9 months im going to cause problems. Add to that the fact that he expects me to to his kids laundry straighten their rooms and pick uo all their junk theyve left around the house. Recently I went on a silent strike. Since he wouldn't make them clean up after themselves I began taking matters into my own hands. They leave mounds of laundry for me- i put it in the laundry cabinet out of sight. They leave toys AND DANGEROUS WEAPONS AND MEDICATION on the floor-i hide it in a trash bag in my closet. Step D had 14 bath towels on her bed under it and in the closet and strewn out all over their bathroom- i piled it on her bed and took all the towels out of their linen closet and put them into mine (she can now do thise tiwels that have accumulated if she wants a clean towel for her showers and exhuberant 13yo makeup and skin care routine) this has been my routine now since i conceived and has relieved so much of my stress.....until my hub discovered what id been doing this weekend. He is so angry at me. He thinks im a step mom from hell. He was so angry he went through and did all their laundry fir them and deep ckeaned their bedrooms and bathroom and dudnt soeak to me all day. He left whike i was in the shower and sent me some hateful text messages saying that the least i could do is ckean their messes up since hes gone during the week. I keep feeling so much that i want a divorce, but the thought of him letting thise kids around my newborn doing reckless things scares me to death. Ive built a wall of protection around myself and my biological children. I cant think of anything but making sure my babies are treated equally and raised to be self sufficient.

Hello, well from this I am gathering he isn't acting like you guys are a family, it's his kids before you or your child. You're doing a great job with your boy and you are not being mean or too hard on the other kids. If your husband cant figure out that it takes 50/50 to work as a team in a marriage, it's not going to get far. Sweetheart, keep doing what your doing it's awesome. As for your husband he has his kids on a pedestal and wont ever bring them down, he believes they do no wrong ever that's not a good thing to do. One of these days he gonna try and put down some authority and they are going to ignore him. That's his mistake dont feel like it's yours. Keep raising your boy right and address your issues with him if he loves you he will respect it and hopefully things will change.