Join JustParents for free to ask for advice and make new friends! It only takes 60 seconds. Join JustParents

am I too selfish?

AmberAmber
posted 6 months 6 days ago
DH and I were invited to a 3 year old b-day party from one of his work friends. I hope I don't seem selfish, but I told him I don't feel comfortable going. I feel like I just cannot go there. It would be too hard for me. I woke up feeling very sad today. It's been 4 years 4 months of TTC and today it's hitting me hard for some reason. I have good days and bad days… Today is not a good day. I can't seem to stop thinking of how much I want to have a baby and wondering why it has to be so difficult for people that really want to be parents. I had a conversation with DH. I explained that all I'm going to see there is people with their kids and hear about girls getting pregnant… Today I can't handle it. He understood and I love him for that. Does anyone feel like that sometime? Am I too selfish?


StelllaStellla
posted 6 months 6 days ago
I know I felt that way a lot. Personally I skipped a few showers. It’s just too hard! Both mentally and emotionally. Even physically it’s hard. It feels like a barrier inside you just don’t let you to go there. You just can’t. I felt like having a panic attack even thinking about going there!
I just can't understand why it is so hard. Especially since the RE couldn't find a single thing wrong with me or DH. It just didn't make sense. If you do all the right things, you should get the result you want, right?? Well that is what I thought anyway. Part of me wanted them to find something wrong, so we could fix it. It's wonderful that you have such an understanding loving DH! You're not selfish, you’re emotional and dealing with a very personal situation. I would feel the same way. It's totally normal to feel this way.
Go take a walk with DH or enjoy a glass of sparkling water with a slice of lime. Light a candle if it is dark enough. You have to try to get yourself in an even toned positive flow. I know it’s emotionally hard but do it for yourself! Don't think of anything and make DH rub your shoulders. This has worked for me.... It's nice to have a supportive DH! I put the fountain on in my garden/ yard and listen to birds and watch my pups play. It helps me relax. Do something good for yourself! Give yourself a break from thinking too much. You deserve it!
Hang in there and just keep believing it will happen. Not as soon as you would have hoped, but just keep believing that it will. Don't allow doubt to plant itself in your mind or heart.

LindaGeoLindaGeo
posted 6 months 6 days ago
I have been TTC for years. I totally understand what you are going through. It's hard when many of your friends are bragging about their kids. It’s even harder when people announcing news like, "I'm pregnant and we weren't even trying!!" That happened to me last week. This is so frustrating when each and everyone around you get pregnant… Seems they conceive right away, from the first try. We’ve tried so many treatments, medications, herbs, etc. but nothing. And everyone around thinks it’s their mission to ask “why don’t you have any kids yet? what are you waiting for?” This is so hard. Anyway, it's very hard because you are grieving that child that you do not have. Grief is a complicated thing. It's totally normal to feel the way you do. I hope you and the rest of us get pregnant very soon! In the mean time we can concentrate on our relationship with God and our relationship with our DH. I try to remember every day how blessed I am, and that makes me feel better.

Zoni09Zoni09
posted 6 months 4 days ago
Hi sweety, I am sorry to hear about you. I understand your feelings. I know this situation I have also feel this hurdle. One of my friends having the same issue. I felt hard to manager her mentally and physically. I don't think you are selfish. Just take it positively. I wonder why we people feel so difficult and sometimes we lose all hopes at all. But if we struggle for it and keep on the right time. Soon we will able to achieve the goals. But if we think negative that I am not a good person, selfish etc. Then we can never do what we want to. So you can be successfully pregnant and I am really excited for you. GOD Blessed you.

qiaraauqiaraau
posted 5 months 2 weeks ago
You are not being selfish dear. I know the feeling. I've been there before. Thanks much to my hubby, he never misunderstood me.

grelinegreline
posted 4 months 3 weeks ago
No, you just acted based on what you feel, and your feelings are valid. It's really hard to be surrounded by families who have children while you feel frustrated all along. I know others will understand how you feel too. You're not selfish, and I'm sure time will come that you will show to the world that you're a good mother.

Diana1998Diana1998
posted 4 months 2 weeks ago
Hi Amber!
Sorry to hear all this. I know how difficult it is for you especially when we consider the fact that you have been in the marriage for over 4 years and you have not conceived. However, I feel that you are somehow jealousy. If I were you I would feel free to interact with ladies who have conceived and given birth. Chances are high that you will have an opportunity to learn about children. You will also know some of the things that you need to do to help you conceive. The other reason that I think should make you attend the party is to help you appreciate yourself. It is true that they will talk about so many things including how their children behave and perform in school. This should not make you despair. In fact, it will help you resolve to use all the available technology to make you conceive. Notice that the modern technology has made things simpler and women who want to have children can do so stress-free. IVF, IUI, and surrogacy are some of the options available to you. However, it may be necessary that you visit a fertility clinic so that the cause of your problem is identified. This way, it will be easier for you to get assisted. If you have a problem with ovulating, you may be put on IVF on a donor egg. In cases where the uterus is blocked, an egg may be retrieved from your ovules fertilized in the lab and transferred to your uterus.

astrridastrrid
posted 2 months 2 weeks ago
Not selfish at all. Sometimes it feels my facebook friends decided to get pregnant at the same time. Of course, it's amazing news and one must share it on a timeline so that everyone can see it. It is painful and there is nothing you can do about, just accept this. Don't blame yourself for this because it's natural. Your dearest should understand and good for you your husband gets the point. No need to face what upsets you most I think.

samstevensamsteven
posted 1 month 2 weeks ago
No, You just did what you felt was right Very Happy

Megan1Megan1
posted 1 month 2 weeks ago
It's normal. I have a friend (not very close) pregnant right now. She is 9 weeks and she is 40. This is her first baby. We have 12 families in the club. Each month we get together and hang out. When I heard the news, I was so happy for her. I even called her and congratulated her. But when I saw her on Sunday little green monster get into me. I’ve got little jealous. I was talking to her, but suddenly I realized I don't like her at all. I feel really bad. But I guess that’s because I want a baby so bad. And when I hear someone has one, I get jealous. It's normal and it's ok to be that way.

Join JustParents for free to reply

Search forums

Latest Reviews