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Disciplining 16 year old - am I too harsh!!

LadybugLadybug
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

ya sappy get Love Love Kiss Kiss Love


alis378alis378
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hey ladies, no fighting over who can give the best advice!!

Just to say thank you to both of you (and to everybody else). I have had conflicting advice and it is very helpful to have advice from a mum who has been through practically the exact same thing and from those who work with this age group. I have taken a lot of info on board and hope to be able to put some of it into practice. It will take time on my part as my emotions towards Andrea and I do feel a lot of anger and resentment over all that she has but me through but at the end of the day she is my daughter and that will not stop me loving her - just hope we can get through this as friends and not enemies
xxx

LadybugLadybug
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
hee hee heeeeeeeee
xxx Razz

adamsmumadamsmum
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi alis,
sounds like you're having a rough time. I was a 'terrible teen' and gave my parents hell (which i realise now,, being a 21 year old responsible mother). My mum ended up saying to me one day ' you give me rent or you can leave.' I laughed at her and she threw all of my stuff on the step ( I don't blame her). After doing this my mum and dad felt terrible and wished that i was home and begged me eveyday but by that point I was angry and upset and totally rebelled. I never did go back home and my parents went through hell (their own words). If you were to ask my mum now she would say it was a huge mistake kicking me out.
I am now a youth worker and try to gain an understanding of young people and the issues that they have to face during adolescence. It might be useful to enquire about local youth clubs, asking school about learning mentors who can help. If your daughter doesn't want to talk to you and your husband (for whatever reason) it might be helpful for her to talk to somebody impartial. Also I would say give her some responsibility, so that she feels like an adult. Give her the choice to help you eg, could you help me with this please, rather than say do this or that. Another possibility would be to ask for her advice, making her feel valued and that her opinion is important to you. Could you have a chat with her and ask her to put herself in your shoes? Maybe this would give her something to think about. Also tell her that you love her everyday and as hard as it must be, try not to argue with her. If she is in a mood give her space and tell her that she can talk to you whenever she wants, about anything. Try to form a friendship with her and tell her about when you were young and you had your own issues. If you can find a common ground you should be onto a winner.
Maybe have a mother and daughter day, go shopping with her on your own or go for a facial/ swimmming/ whatever she is into at the moment.
I hope this helps and if you fancy a chat send me a PM.
Love becs x

miarubymiaruby
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
- My blog
[i] hey just thought i would give you a little advice as it wasnt that long ago that i was giving my parents all the hassle! i totally realise how wrong it was now of course. but the one thing i really longed for from my mother is closeness!

my parents were great parents but because my mum had to work alot to bring in the money i felt i never see her, and as silly as it sounds i was very jealous of my younger brothers who are 6 and 9 years younger than me!

i found it hard to sit and talk to her because she was always so busy! so please take the time to sit and talk even though being a parent its hard to find time, and i understand that now!

i really used to wish that me and my mum could spend some time alone out of the house away from my brothers and my father! i wanted her all to myself sometimes as selfish as that may seem! maybe you could take her shopping with you or just out for some lunch just to get some time alone away from everyone else to build that closeness up between you both!

i hope things get better between you both and i hope that maybe my advice of how i used to feel may be of some help!

good luck hun Kiss Kiss Kiss

noababynoababy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago

miaruby said:
[i] hey just thought i would give you a little advice as it wasnt that long ago that i was giving my parents all the hassle! i totally realise how wrong it was now of course. but the one thing i really longed for from my mother is closeness!

my parents were great parents but because my mum had to work alot to bring in the money i felt i never see her, and as silly as it sounds i was very jealous of my younger brothers who are 6 and 9 years younger than me!

i found it hard to sit and talk to her because she was always so busy! so please take the time to sit and talk even though being a parent its hard to find time, and i understand that now!

i really used to wish that me and my mum could spend some time alone out of the house away from my brothers and my father! i wanted her all to myself sometimes as selfish as that may seem! maybe you could take her shopping with you or just out for some lunch just to get some time alone away from everyone else to build that closeness up between you both!

i hope things get better between you both and i hope that maybe my advice of how i used to feel may be of some help!

good luck hun Kiss Kiss Kiss


Kind of freaky-cause I was thinking more about your whole situation last night and this morning and the one thing I wanted to add when I thought about the things my son had been feeling was the possiblitly of being jealous of his younger siblings and not getting the attention they were getting. So I definately second miaruby's advice. Also it did work with all my kids one time or another, when for a period of at least a few months we had a set time and date when they would have one on one time with one of the parents out of the house. Do try that with your daughter if you can.

alis378alis378
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Andrea broached the subject of having her ears pierced this morning. I did say to her that she could BUT she would make sure she went to school all of this week and also added that if she finished the term (which isnt long due to exams) I would take her clothes shopping. She did get a bit of a strop cos she wanted her ears done there and then (!) but I said this was a compromise I was willing to make. I was a bit proud of myself that I didnt say a flat no - mind you she had her ears pierced before and said it hurt too much and she wouldnt have them done again Suspect
x

noababynoababy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Good for you!!!!!!!!! I am sure you feel loads better about yourself having handled the situation the way you did.

I think that one of the big problems we all have in this age of internet, cellphones, take out...that we want things yesterday and we don't know how to wait for things-it's all here and now and disposable. People think ok things are not working out, onto the new thing...no trying to work things out, think things through. Life is so much more impulsive-part of that may be good, but I personally (my view so no one get up in arms)think that everything is too fast paced and not enough thoughts go to the consequences of things.

I did want to point out that the fact that she asked you is a big step. It means she still wants your love and approval and is still looking to you for guidlines and limits.

Good job and keep it up!!

Not easy so hang in there!!!

Susie

GTTkelGTTkel
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I don't know if it will be of any help to you now but one thing I feel I'd like to comfort you with is that in my teens one of my friends was terribly behaved. She was worse than your daughter at the hole school thing and was out sleeping around,telling lies,being selfish,rebelling against any authority figure BUT now she absolutely ADORES her mum. Her mum is her best friend,the first person she turns to,she thinks her mum deserves happiness and she knows how much s**t she put her through in the past and now shows her mum more respect than anyone. So my point is that just because it's bad now doesn't mean it will always be like this.

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