multiple MCs, unexplained infertility

Hi everyone! I’m new here. I came here to find help and support. It happened so that I can’t carry a baby. I had 6 MCs. I don’t think I will be able to cope with another one. It’s so hard and so unbearable! I feel miserable and I feel ashamed in front of my husband. I lost 6 children… I hate myself for this. I don’t understand why me? What have I done to suffer like this? All of my friends have families. They have kids, they have everything! And here I am who can’t even carry my own child. Of course I’m happy for them! Sometimes they ask me to stay with their kids, when they have work or some other staff. I love to play with them, read fairytales and buy toys for them. I feel so happy at that moment! I imagine how it would be if my children were alive, with us… Doctors said they don’t know the reason and advised us to try ART. I don’t want to waste time any more. It’s hard to live like this, tearing myself with guilt. Now I’m looking into surrogacy. But I’m so scared. I receive support from my husband. He thinks that surrogacy is a very good option for us. But both mine and his parents think that surrogacy is wrong and unnatural. I read here, how girls are grateful to their families. I have completely different situation. My parents blame me all the time. They think I do something wrong and that’s why I lost my children. My mother told me, that all women in our family have an amazing health and no one ever had problems with carrying their children. I tried to explain them that it’s not true. They never listen and we argue all the time. My husband is the only one who supports me. I just really hope that everything will change! I hope surrogacy will give us chance to be happy. Any advice? What should we consider? Where to start our search?

Hi there Stella. I am so sorry for your loss. Even one miscarriage is so hard. OMG, you had 6 MCS. That's really hard. You are so strong hon! The strongest woman I have ever seen in my life. Surrogacy is the best option for you. Go for it. It will give you the power of becoming a mother. Good luck!

Stella you have really shaken me. It is a big loss. A woman waits for such moments. She feels proud and strong when she comes to know that there is a new life developing in her body. Nothing is more precious to her than the little zygote transforming into the life. She cares for the soul inside. She spends all energies to give the little soul the best. In this happiness, if she loses this treasure then she falls into the ditch of stress and anxiety. It is not less than a war to fight this miserable condition. Stella six times MC is more difficult to cope with. The first thing is to consult your physician for the causes. If it has something to do with your personal weaknesses or deficiencies then change your lifestyle. Add healthy foods. Stay positive. If the doctor feels that your reproductive system is weak to carry a baby, it is better to contact some fertility clinic. They would give the diagnosis and help that is worth following. In case of permanent infertility, you can try for surrogacy or IVF. One thing that would never let you die is the hope.

Hey there, how are you doing now? I hope you are fine. I am really sorry to know about your situation. I empathize with you on your loses. This is too much to take. 6 M/Cs are something really very difficult to take. You are a strong lady, I must say. Darling you don't need to panic over anything. With the advancement in the medical field, there are ways to help you. IUI, IVF, and surrogacy etc. are the ways to help you in this situation. I also owe my baby to IVF. I went to this clinic in Ukraine. I was successful on my first attempt. I would suggest you go for some checkup. Search for clinics. You may also visit the one I went to. They are really nice and friendly. You will be happy to see them. Lots of baby dust on your way.

hey, stella that’s a terrible situation. Visit your doctor as early as possible. Multiple times MC can lead you’re towards unexplained infertility. As it happened to you. one reason may be that I know is your ovaries are not producing enough ova. That makes your eggs not strong enough to grow further. Maybe you got some type of infection in your womb. Embryo didn’t find enough space to live. Several possibilities are there. Try to have tested and then make a decision.

I am happy to see so many replies! Thank you so much for support and advices. I needed to hear all these kind words. All information I see here will definitely help me in my search. I will consider everything you've told me and look into options you used in your journeys. I should say I'm a little bit stuck now with my research on surrogacy. My mind is full of completely different thoughts. The reason of this is upcoming baby shower of one of my friends. As I've mentioned already I try to avoid relatives and friends who have kids. I should say it seems to me that everyone have children. I literally don't talk to anyone. I received an invitation from her about a week ago. All I can think about is upcoming event. I've been to many baby showers and this was always a hard time for me. I'm thinking about this whole terrible experience I will have to go through again. I don't know if I should go... I can't say we are best friends but we were very close in the past. She supported me when I had hard times. But when I think about all those people who will come to the party I'm terrified. At the previous baby showers I've been on obviously everyone was talking about kids. This is not the worst thing. The most terrifying thing for me is that people asking me about kids and why I don't have any. I literally get panic attack every single time I remember about moments when people asked me those questions. Why people don't get it? Why don't they understand there're some questions which can really hurt? They will never understand I get it. They didn't have to go through a nightmare when they decided to have children. For them conceiving was easy. They don't know how hard it is for us to try to conceive for years. They don't know how hard it is to have a miscarriage when you put all hope and belief in your pregnancy. When they asked me those questions I want to cry and shout. I want to punch them in their faces. I know this is not their fault. But I don't have polite answers to such questions. All I want to do is run away from that place full of happiness in which there is no place for me. How do you cope with baby showers? Do you have answers for those painful questions? I haven't decided yet if I go to that baby shower... I dream about having my own baby shower. I imagine how wonderful it would be. Such thoughts help me to go through this nightmare.

soomal said:
Hi Stella! I feel very sorry for you. 6 Mc's are a lot. You've suffered so much. Now you need to relax your body. Opting for surrogacy is the right decision for you, really. It has helped many couples around the world. I would suggest that when your husband is with you, just don't care about someone else. Go for it. Start doing research and take reviews from people. I hope you get a baby very soon. Good Luck!

Thank you so much for support! I really needed to hear those words. This is so hard when family tells me all those horrible things. They don't understand... And I think they never will. But it's my life and my choice. I hope this infertility struggle will be over soon. I'm so grateful you shared your experience with me. Thanks again for being by my side.

Marie450 said:
You came to right place Stella.
Here people are present to help and support each other.
It feels to good to be supported by people.
I also post on here when i feel sad and lonely.

I guess surrogacy is the last option for me now to have baby of our own.
I have contacted many surrogacy related clinics and had gathered quite good info about surrogacy.
I also contacted some surrogates who are willing to cary our child in their womb.
I was pregnant thrice but had miscarriages every time.
I had many complications while getting pregnant.
During my first marriage i had no luck with having children although i conceived for 3 times.
I know today surrogacy is a common thing but i am worried about many aspects of having a baby via surrogacy.
I guess we will find a surrogate wth the help of clinic we are consulting.
I am married for second time i want to have baby of my own to live with.
But regarding and having a look at my previous pregnancy period i know its not a good idea to be pregnant again.
So i talked to my husband and have agreed him to go for surrogacy option.
Although clinic has many surrogates working with it but we want a good surrogate to carry our child.
If someone has some experience regarding surrogacy please do share your experience with us.

Hello dear! Thank you so much for your support. I'm really glad I came on this board as I am receiving so many kind words. I really need some inspiration and motivation now. All of these are really help to move forward. Sometimes it can be so hard to keep going. Thanks to all of you I can get support I need and information to start my path to motherhood. I'm so sorry you've also faced infertility. As I see you've also chose surrogacy as an option. Haven't you started your journey yet?
I can't agree with you more. Infertility seems to me as a curse. The question I ask most of the time is "what have I done to deserve it?" I wish we could change this world so all couples who really want and ready to have children could have them.

I still have doubts about price. I've checked some websites with clinics(US and Europe) and their prices. Obviously USA has the highest price. Now I'm not sure we can find $150 000-200 000 to have surrogacy there though I read many stories about great experience from couples who had the procedure there. Greece’ costs varies from $80 000 to $100 000. It's a little bit less, but still a lot. Anyways there are many clinics to choose from in Europe. I hope we will find the one which will suit us the best.

pearl said:
hey, stella that’s a terrible situation. Visit your doctor as early as possible. Multiple times MC can lead you’re towards unexplained infertility. As it happened to you. one reason may be that I know is your ovaries are not producing enough ova. That makes your eggs not strong enough to grow further. Maybe you got some type of infection in your womb. Embryo didn’t find enough space to live. Several possibilities are there. Try to have tested and then make a decision.

I appreciate you replied to my thread. This process is not easy at all. I'm only at the beginning but I see already that everything should be done very carefully and every detail should be learned very attentively. I was fully tested and nothing wrong was found. We have already made the whole check of my husband's health, including the semen analysis. We made it in a reliable andrology laboratory which does sperm testing. They say this test can be done in every laboratory, but we had some troubles with a couple of them. This sperm check seems to be easy, but its simplicity can be very misleading. In reality it requires a lot of skills to perform a semen analysis accurately. However, it’s very easy to do this test badly (as it often is by poorly trained technicians in small laboratories which we faced during our previous checks for these years of TTC), with the result that can be very misleading. Also a couple of weeks ago we visited urologist. He gave my DH a physical exam and asked some questions about his lifestyle and medical history. My DH was asked about surgeries he had, medications he takes, his exercise habits, etc. We had to replace some of his medications. Also he was advised to quit smoking. This is probably the hardest thing for him to do! He quit cigarettes a couple of times, but when he has some sort of stress he is immediately back to them. Now he takes it seriously so I really hope this is for a long-term. Moreover I forbid him to carry his phone in his pants’ pocket. I've heard it may also influence male fertility. Also my DH had physical exam and hormone check. We’ve even done genetic testing. I'm relieved to know my DH is fine. I was afraid if he has problems with fertility we’ll never escape from this vicious cycle. His analysis is not perfect but little changes in the lifestyle will level his fertility up.
Again thank you for your support. I wish my parents supported us as much as you do. Anyway it's my life and my parents will have to cope with our decision. There is nothing they can do about it.

Hi there. I am really sorry to hear about the miscarriages. It's really breaking my heart. No one should go through it. Don't blame your self. Surrogacy is the best option. I wish you good luck.

Hi sweetie! First of all i really hope everything work out well for you in the end second off don't lose hope just yet. I know even now after all this progress and technology not everyone is supportive of surrogacy. There are many things you can consider. Give yourself some time. Take care of your health. There are procedures like IVF, IUI, surrogacy and adoption. You and your Husband can decide well for yourselves. there are many fertility clinics too they'll guide you through the procedure of surrogacy it's totally normal to have a child this way. Not everyone is supposed to understand your struggle because only you know what you going through still i hope your family should be more supportive. If you want children then surrogacy is not a bad option to consider. Stay strong and take a decision for yourself, good luck have a prosperous life ahead.

Hey there , I am deeply disturbed by reading your story. Your life has been miserable just because you are unable to give birth. Life does not end here dear. There is still hope for people like us, who cannot get a baby from their own womb. Just don’t lose hope in yourself and tell your family that there is still a ray of light left. I am glad your husband is supportive enough. My family was supportive but my husband is not. I know the pain of not getting a baby too. My husband just does not support me. He thinks all this is a scam .I, on the other hand, am very hopeful that one day he will support me. I will then opt for surrogacy maybe because I so wish to hold a baby in my hand.The reason now, why I am so hopeful is that I have many live examples of people in my family getting their children through surrogacy. I wish to be one of them one day and I hope the same for you. Do remember me in your prayers and I will do the same. I hope we get what we want soon.

Hello everyone who is following my thread! How are you? What news do you have? I hope you're doing fine. I appreciate your answers and support. I should say I'm stuck with my search on surrogacy. I was really depressed lately. I was thinking over and over again about my miscarriages. I'm always thinking about them but this time I felt like I had some kind of panic attacks. They didn't let me to free my mind and continue my search on surrogacy. Now I feel much better. I hope 2018 will be great for our family. I want to believe that this time all our dreams will come true. I want to wish all of you best of luck!
We decided to go to Europe. The question is which country to choose? I know that each country has its own laws which regulate surrogacy. We’ll have a consultation with a lawyer in January. Which questions should we ask? My husband and I did all medical tests again. As I know we will have to prove that we really need surrogacy. Also I would like to talk to someone who has surrogacy experience. How did you choose surrogate mother? What criteria did you have? I hope you will talk to me! I would really love to hear some success stories!

Recently I met my old friend. We haven't seen each other for a while. We decided to go somewhere and have some girls talk. We had conversation about our families and having children. She also doesn’t have any kids. She was always overweight. As it turned out she did some medical tests and she was diagnosed with PCOS. She was in treatment for years but unfortunately the disease doesn't go away. Despite this, she seems happy. I think this is amazing that she enjoys her life no matter what. She thinks it’s pointless to worry about things we can't control. She has her business, she goes abroad for vacations with her husband and she does charity work. She has no time for depression and sadness. I was listening to her and I was amazed! This is so great she doesn't put infertility in the middle of her life. I think maybe I also have to find some distraction because I feel like last few years I do not live at all. I exist and hope someday when I’ll have children I’ll start living and enjoying my life. I think this is not supposed to be like that. I really tried so much to find a hobby or distraction which would make me feel better. And I couldn't. That's why I decided that I should deep myself into surrogacy. So we’ll be able to start our journey as soon as possible. My friend gave me inspiration and motivation to become a person I always wanted to be. I want to be a mother and I will be a mother soon! Wish us luck!

Hey! I am so sorry for MC but Glad to hear that you have a supportive husband. Having a supportive husband is what every woman wants. And you have been through such awful journey. And you should not blame yourself. Which women would do this for herself.She is the one who desperately waits to be a mother.She counts on each and every seconds of her pregnancy. Being infertile or being not able to conceive is such a painful thing to observe. I would suggest if your husband is saying you to have surrogacy you must go for it.You may find your happiness in this.but you need to relax your body first.You have gone through such tragic journey. Because surrogacy is long term process and this requires you to be mental, physically and emotionally strong.this is not one day process. Take your time, rest, consult your doctor and then go to your doctor's advice. And to your knowledge yes this is not a natural process but this is a fruitful process. Many of the women are being gifted with such beautiful babies. This effort is worth to do.

Hey Stella, so much support and motivational replies here. I am no expert, but surrogacy and IVF treatments have proven to be successful for many. There are several possibilities for your MC's, with age women tend to develop low ovarian reserve and over the age of 40 may experience diminished ovarian reserve. Also, yeah getting your DH checked is a great progress because many men are reluctant to the idea. The infertility in men is caused by excessive drinking and smoking. He must be having a hard time to call it quits because mine is having one Moreover, couples who are TTC should avoid quit smoking, excessive drinking, excessive exercise months before TTC. Make certain changes in your diet. This would enhance the quality of the ovaries and increase chances of conception.

hey Stella!!! We give you a warm welcome over this forum. We will try our best to answer your post as much accurate as we can. We will not advise you in the wrong direction or build your decisions on false statements. It hears to me so bad that you can’t carry a baby. there will be multiple reasons for this condition. If it is your first baby, then chances are there to get treatment. Try to have treatment as soon as possible. Multiple times Mc’s can lead you towards infertility issues. Infertility is a worse condition as compared to Mc’s. I can imagine your feelings. How bad you feel their deficiency. It’s really a diverse thing. Don’t be upset by your relative’s kids. You will have your own one day. Just think positive and stay happy. don’t let your disappointment to overlap your positivity and determines. Next choice is yours. Don’t afraid of your future just chill and enjoy your present.

So sorry for your loss. I’ve been crying for almost 24 hours. It is awful... It hurts so much… This is such a nightmare… I think I am going to wake up soon and think it was all a dream... So sorry you’re going through this... I know how heartbreaking it is. I went through this ordeal… I had IVF last month. I’ve got pregnant but m/c last week. This’s so hard to see people around you getting pregnant. I stayed at home today b/c I need to take a personal "mental" day. People at work are understanding. So I am just going to clean, clean, clean. That is how I de-stress... This whole thing makes me sick enough not to eat. Hope all is well with you...

I am so sorry. I understand there are no words of condolences that will ease the pain. I cannot imagine the pain of losing 6 children. I do understand the lost though. My heart breaks with you. Please know there is an ultimate plan... I know it is difficult to take refuge in that right now. The pain will always be there, but it will ease. Give yourself time. Allow yourself to grieve. Know we are all here for you. If there is anything we as a community can do to help...let us know! You and your family are in my prayers. Please know that you can always come here and be comforted. Know that we love you. We all get so close here that we all feel like you are a family so we also feel some of the pain.

It can take a long time to recover from a miscarriage – if, indeed, we ever do. Thinking about it brings me to tears. It never leaves you. A lot of people don't appreciate that women who have miscarried may find it difficult being pregnant again. We are scared it will happen again. After the first m/c, I worried constantly throughout my second pregnancy, which unfortunately ended up with m/c. It was my 4th cycle of ivf. I don't want to try again. I think it's time to think about donor eggs.