I'm so stressed

Hello everyone! Hope for your help. I’m stuck, have no idea what to do. I’m 33, married, no kids. I was diagnosed with PCOS 5 years ago. Of course those were shocking ‘news’. We were TTC for a long time. We’ve been dreaming about having children for 8 years already. But my doctor told me about medical treatment, that medicines will help and I have all chances to get pregnant. We put all our hope in this treatment. I spent years in clinics, buying pills and other stuff. We spent so much nerves and money on this. Unfortunately no result. Only now I understand that everything is not that easy as I thought. I really believed that I will be that lucky one, who gets pregnant thanks to treatment. I can’t understand, why me? What have I done to deserve this. I’ve read so many stories about successful treatment. I’m happy for those women, but it makes me so sad nothing helped me… There are so many reports in the news about women, who throw their new born babies out. I personally know a couple of women, who made an abortion and not once. I’m not judging in any way! Different situation can happen in life. I’m just asking why God gives them unwanted children? And here I am, who wants to have kids more than anybody else, but I can’t. I don’t mean to be rude. I just have all this feelings and thoughts inside… They don’t let me live happily. I can’t accept childless life. What should I do? What options do I have?

Hello everyone who is still reading my thread! How have you been? A couple of weeks ago I decided to search the internet. I was hoping to find some information or stories of other women who have same situations as I do. I thought maybe I could find some ways out from my infertility struggle. I found some information about donor eggs. I was thinking maybe this option will suit our situation. But my research stuck even not started. The reason of this is actually I am back to my depression after breaking out of it for a couple of days. The thing is I went to hang out with two of my friends. We didn't see each other for quite long time. And they invited me for a dinner. Usually I refuse to go but this time I was feeling a little better so I decided to go. We had a little chat. We were laughing and remembering great moments we spent together. And then one of my friends said she has some news to announce. And guess what? She's pregnant with her third baby. I was shocked and I could barely hold my tears back. I feel myself such a bad person. Instead of being happy for her I felt sorry for myself. I know this is wrong and of course I made everything to seem like I was so happy to hear those news. But I actually wasn't. And it's not because of her or her news or her third baby but because of me. I know that they didn't even plan to have a child. They didn't even plan to have the previous two. For them it's just easy and they can have a child whenever they want (or don't want). And then she was like "At first we didn't know if we want to leave this baby or not but then we decided we will keep this child". Well I didn't know what to say. I was just sitting there, trying to smile and not to cry. And then when I came home I let my feelings out. Later that evening I went on my Facebook page. I was hoping to talk with one of my internet friends who also struggle with infertility. And guess what? I was scrolling the news and I found out that one of my ex-friends will have her second baby with a man who made her to do a couple of abortions in the past. I'm not judging. I just don't understand what have I done to deserve infertility?

Hello everyone who is reading my thread! I decided to update it with some news. As you guys know I went to hang out with my friends recently. And my friend announced her pregnancy. So she called me on Saturday and we had a really weird talk. She told me that she noticed that I was upset by her news. I tried to explain that I was happy for her but I was just sad because of our long TTC. And here the weird part started. She was interrupting me all the time, telling some nonsense. Then she told me “this's not my fault you will never be able to have children". And I was just like "what are you talking about?!" She hung up on me and left me in shock condition. Honestly I had no desire to call back and argue with her, trying to defend myself. Yes we've been trying to conceive for 8 years and nothing worked for us. But that doesn't mean that we will never be able to become parents! She already made a decision for herself as she said I will be childless forever. I really didn't expect to hear such words from her. I don't know if I should continue to be friends with such a person. Instead of support I received a knife in my heart. How could she be so mean? She knows about my fertility struggle. I guess she knows that those words are painful for me. And she throws them to me so easily. Words can really ruin everything. Though I was really pissed and then I was really sad... But I don't let this situation influence my intentions.
I've already mentioned that I'm thinking about using donor eggs. I made some research. I think this option is perfect for our situation. My next step will be consulting with my doctor. If he approves I will start a thorough search. It would be really nice if someone shares the experience using donor eggs!

Hello everyone who is reading my thread! As I've told you already I was planning to meet my doctor. I wanted to have a consultation about my health condition, infertility and the most important - if I can use donor eggs. Today I met with my doc and I did some more analyzes. The results will be ready in a week. My doctor told me that he will look through them. Only then we'll be able to discuss if I can be a recipient of donor eggs. Also today I met my old friend from college. As it turned out she's also looking into donor eggs option. I should say I was so happy to talk to someone who gets the whole idea of the situation I'm in. I should say when I saw her I wanted to pretend I didn't notice her and just escape from the street. But she saw me and she came up to me and started the conversation. I was preparing myself for questions about children. I just wanted this to be over so I could leave. But our conversation went in a completely different direction. I'm really glad she came up to me! I think it's a destiny which brought us together. She's the person I needed in this period of my life. She advised me to visit a new reproductive center which opened in nearby town a couple of months ago. Prices there are pretty high. My friend(let’s call her V) told me there is a really great doctor and I should visit her. V had a consultation with her a couple of months ago. V was very satisfied both by doctor and by the center itself. V made all needed tests and the doctor advised her to use donor eggs after looking through the results of her analyzes and medical history. So I've already made an appointment. I asked my husband to take a couple of days off at work. We could visit the doctor together. I'm so excited though very nervous! Next two week I may get all answers I need. I really hope to receive good news. Wish us luck!

Hi Minamina!
It is true that some women struggle and toil to conceive while others conceive easily and end up aborting. That is nature, and it is very little we can do about it. However, I just want to give you hope. You should not worry one day one time, it will be your chance, and you will choose whether to carry the pregnancy or abort. That aside, I want to tell you that you still have a chance and that you will not die childless. The modern technology allows couples to conceive through assisted reproduction techniques. I am absolute that you will benefit from it. I want to recommend IVF. In full it means In vitro fertilization. They are Latin words that mean outside the body. So fertilization takes place in the lab. It is one of the hi-tech methods that is being used to treat infertility. It is used to help a couple who cannot conceive without help. It can be used in case of a closed fallopian tube, or to help women whose tubes have been removed. The doctor needs the sperm and the ovum to conduct fertilization in vitro. Fertilization will take place in the tube and the resultant product transferred into the alvus for development. The procedure is widely used across the world. So far, over million children have been borne across the globe courtesy of the procedure. Other reasons that may necessitate the use of the procedure include endometriosis of any form, or could also be used where ovulation is lacking. It can also be used where there immunologic factors that make it difficult for a lady to conceive. Lastly, it is a good procedure in a case where the cause of infertility is not known.

Hello! I am so sorry for what you are going through and I love it how you have been keeping us all updated. Firstly, You are very right about people who abort and take this beautiful gift for granted. I have been infertile and there's nothing else I the world that I want, I just want to have at least one child of my own. It is very nice to let out everything inside you every once in a while but I have noticed in my case that people around me started to get annoyed about me being sad and depressed because of a genuine problem. I do not get how people are capable to be so heartless. Due to this, i decided to keep everything inside me and that started to put me int some very serious depression. Then my husband advised me to join these forums so that I can meet people like myself and share my problems with them. Secondly, I have a suggestion for you. Why don't you try going for surrogacy? Look, the point is to get a baby of your own and it does not really matter how it comes and where it comes from. The main goal to achieve is to get your baby and happiness and complete your family. I wish you find your happiness somehow. Keep us updated!

Hey Minamina! Sad to know about you. My heart cries out for you. It seems like you are suffering a lot since forever. I can feel your pain. My DH and I are TTC for more than 3 months and I have already lost my mind. I am afraid of being infertile because of the endometriosis. I have been searching for this clinic since then. I have gathered many good reviews about it. I visited it once too. I have had a nice experience there, but still confused and afraid.
I just want to say you that darling, don't lose hope. There is good out there for you out there. You just hang in there and keep yourself calm. There are methods which can help you in making this journey beautiful. IUI, IVF, and surrogacy etc. They can help you in no time. You just have to consult some good doctor and discuss it. The choice of method will definitely depend on your condition. I wish you luck and strength in your future. Many positive vibes to you.

Hey there. I hope that you're doing good. I'm really sorry about your whole situation. You must be going through so much pain. I'm really glad that you came here to express your feelings. It will help you to cope with your depression. Moreover, you'll only get love and support from here. Having a family is a dream of every woman. And waiting for it is probably the most difficult thing ever. PCOS is really a dangerous disease. They can even lead to infertility. You have been trying for such a long time, why don't you opt for surrogacy? You have spent a lot of money to get pregnant naturally. But trust me, surrogacy will help you out. With this constant stress of not having children, problems can occur in your fertility too. Stress affects it too. Just go for surrogacy for once and don't stop TTC naturally. You'll have a family, you'll be relieved. I had also experienced it. And trust me, it was a wonderful experience. After two years of constantly trying, I was so tired of everything. I then chose a clinic in Ukraine for this. The staff and the doctors even the surrogate, all were so kind. Plus the procedure there is less expensive than any other fertility treatment. They have different packages and programs in this regard too. I have a baby boy now and I'm totally grateful for that. So I think you should go for it too. Don't waste your time anymore. I hope that you'll choose the best for you. Stay strong.

Hello everyone! I'm sorry I wasn't updating my thread for a while. Thank you for your comments! I appreciate each of them. I have some news and I really want to share with you. As I've told you in my previous post, we were about to visit the reproductive center. My husband had a couple of days off so we went there together. The center was really great! I did all needed checks and analyzes. When results were ready we had a consultation with our doctor. I really liked her! She was so open hearted. She told me I have low ovarian reserve which means that said our chances to conceive naturally are very low. As we've been trying to conceive for 8 years already, it will be better for us to turn to donor eggs option. She told that of course we can wait a couple more years, but chances are very low. We've been talking for like an hour or even more. I think she was the first doctor who got me. I am so happy we had this meeting! It's kind of sad that our chances to conceive naturally are like 0%. But now I know what we should do next.
I have already started my search for a donor and information about the procedure. But now I have so many questions! I really hope you will help me to find answers! Is there anyone who was donor eggs recipient? I hope you will share your experience with me. Where should I start? What should I look for? Any information will be nice to hear.
There is one thing which bothers me actually. I wanted to share it with you and ask for advice. The idea of using donor eggs was on my mind quite a long time. But I can’t say we discussed it(with my husband). I told him that I think about it but we never went in depth, if you know what I mean. So now when doctor told us to go for donor eggs it seems to me my husband is not fully on board. I tried to talk to him about it but he avoids the topic. Actually I didn't catch if we have de ivf or not. At the same time he doesn't tell that we should wait for a couple more years. What should I do in such a situation? How did your husbands react to the fact that you should use eggs of a donor?

Hi, I knew without kid life is not full of enjoyment and contentment.When I was getting married. I really want to baby. Wanting a child so bad that I just cry and I would have dreams of giving birth to the baby. But life is not spending in our conditions.there will be must hurdles and difficulties.I am suffering a lot. After sacrifice of our young age, we are able to conceive.Dear keep your thoughts positive.Hope everything will be going fine soon.

dear minima, feeling this way is quite genuine.In your situation, anything is justified.You just want a baby and this has nothing to do with you that you cannot.I have been through every procedure as well but no luck.The thing is sometimes the doctors or the clinics do not take us very seriously.They just take us like another random patient.Like that we get depressed because of wrong treatments.So you must start checking abroad.They have better options

sorry to hear that you are suffering. Don’t relate it to your past experience. In past do you have success.? If no, then why you are comparing. If yes, they might be different scenarios and conditions where a woman stuck. This all depends on your type of treatment. In the first cycle might be you are injected with light dose. But now with the passage of time your dose is becoming heavier to avail maximum success rate. So it’s natural. Don’t be panic about it.

Hi OP! I feel your pain. I’m so angry at my friends for getting pregnant without trying then feeling like a horrible person for doing it. For me the hardest thing about infertility is that no one can ever understand what you are going through. Unless they have been there themselves. And maybe this sounds terrible but I don’t like hanging out with our pregnant friends anymore. All they do is talking about childbirth, children and how it’s exhausting for them to be pregnant. This makes me depressed. I am happy for them, but sometimes it’s too hard.

I think this is how nature works. I am really sad about your struggle. You seem very stressed. It shows that you are very much keen to have a baby. Don’t you think you are degrading your self? I mean if you do not have a baby then it is not your fault. One out of every five couple face this issue. There are many infertile couples in this world. They go for the options like adoption or infertility treatments. Rather than cursing yourself you should think about this. You should move on to some solution. In this way, you will stop blaming yourself. You should also engage yourself in other activities till the time you are not having a baby. It will reduce your pain. All the best.