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need to hear your thoughts!

nooranoora
posted 2 months 3 weeks ago
Hello ladies! I faced a dilemma. As you probably know we are currently pregnant via surrogacy. We are 12 weeks pregnant. We didn't tell anyone about our surrogacy journey. Only my DH and my mom knows. We want to make an announcement to rest of our family and friends in a couple of weeks. The thing is I don't know what to tell... I don't feel like I want to tell that we are using services of surrogate mother. I really want to tell that this is me! I am pregnant! So I’m thinking about a fake belly… My DH told "It's up to you!"
Girls I know it may seem dumb to you. But this situation is so hard for me... I've been always dreaming to carry a baby, to have my belly growing, to be beautiful pregnant woman, to show everyone that I can carry a baby and I can give birth! I had 3 MCs and not only losses hurt but also those looks I receive from family and friends... You know, looks which are full of pity and sorrow as if I'm not a fully woman. This is the reason why I want to show them that I am happy! I am pregnant and I can carry my own baby! Even if this is not true...
I'm afraid that sooner or later my secret will be revealed and the situation(and their looks) will be even worse... I have to decide now which scenario to choose, to tell the truth or to pretend pregnancy. What do you think? What should I take into consideration if I choose the second option? I will be really glad to hear your opinions! Maybe someone here faced the same problem.


Time4babyTime4baby
posted 2 months 1 week ago
Are you planning on lying to the child also on how it was brought into this world? Cause if the whole community thinks this child was brought into the world naturally, then I would think you would have to continue this lie with your baby for the rest of your lives. Me personally, I would not be comfortable with this. Surrogacy is such a beautiful thing and shouldn't be hidden. You should be proud that you found a woman who is ready to carry your baby. And what happens when your child finds out? By hiding it, it seems a "dirty little secret" and no one should be made to feel that way. You'll also have to fake pregnancy symptoms. What if someone will touch your stomach? People do this, when you're pregnant. Sometimes even without your permission. What if someone finds out? I remember an episode from "Desperate housewives", when Bree was faking her pregnancy and someone found her fake bellies in the closet during baby shower. What if something like this will happen to you? I think this is not a good idea. Of course it's up to you, but you should think about it twice before starting such lie.

Camila707Camila707
posted 2 months 1 week ago
I agree with the comment above. The idea of having a fake belly seems really bad to me. You should think once again do you really need to fake your pregnancy? I can't see anything bad with surrogacy. Who cares what other people will think? The most important is you will have your baby you're dreaming about for so long time. I understand this is sad for you to except that someone else is carrying your baby. But you will be the one who will raise your child! This whole lie will only make your life complicated. You will have to fake it not only for a couple of months until the delivery. You will have to fake it for your whole life! Moreover you will have to lie to your baby. This is really bad thing to do. What if someone finds out about your lie? You will be embarrassed and you won't ever forget it. I think you should forget about other people opinions. You should forget about everything which makes you sad and unconfident. Just relax and enjoy your journey! You should enjoy each moment of it and to be proud and grateful you have such a great opportunity to have your own baby.

nooranoora
posted 2 months 1 week ago
Girls thank you so much for all your responses! I appreciate your advices. Now I can see that it was not a good idea to lie about my pregnancy. There are so many facts and symptoms which I won't be able to pretend. You shed a light on this issue. Now I see this idea was really stupid. It will be so embarrassing and sad if people know the truth. Also I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings lying to them. The most important is we'll have our baby very soon! This is the only thing I should care about. I told my DH that we won't hide the fact that we're having a surrogate. He thinks this is the best decision. Also we're going to tell our child about surrogacy. I think our baby deserves to know the truth. There is nothing bad in this procedure, am I right? We have nothing to be ashamed of. I should be proud and happy instead of hiding and lying about our pregnancy. I'm happy I can talk about such stuff with you here. Thank you so much for support!

emiliaemilia
posted 5 days 3 hours ago
Hi Noora! I'd like to congratulate you that you are going to be a mother soon. And trust me it doesn't matter how. Your choices aren't something you should be ashamed of. I know that the pitiful looks and the "sympathic" support people tend to offer is somewhat demoralizing. However, it shouldnt matter. At the end of the day, Its not about you and those people you see occasionally but about you and your child. The one who is going to depend on your for a long time. How he/she feels about the situation is what really matters. If someone lies about anything, even if it is nothing wrong, it does seem unfair to the person one lied to. You've made a choice and that too a brave one. A choice many open minded people are making these days. You should own it. There's absolutely no need to hide it or fake it. Not being able to carry a child doesnt make you any less of a woman. Not raising one properly and morally is what might. I'd suggest you to live with your truth and once you make your peace with it, everyone else will too. People sense when we are insecure about our choices so dont let them. Let people know, let your child know. Its nothing to be ashamed about. All the very best on becoming a mother. I'm sure you'll be a good one. Take care!

ElizEliz
posted 3 days 20 hours ago
Dear Noora, I'm so glad to hear that you're having a baby soon. Yes, by all means, Declare the Truth to the world. It's unlike you're abducting someone else's kids. The mode of parenting (what you call Surrogacy) is quite professional and in the news already. It's time we accept certain realities of our times/ Especially, the positive ones. For when we embrace goodness, it only spreads. Think how many couples are out there suffering in TTC. They may be running out of years until they have mature eggs/sperm. If they learn about such stories (as yours). The hope is naturally transmitted. And what's better than to transmit hope to the less fortunate ( I won't say unfortunate)? So, next time, someone questions your surrogacy. Lift yourself up and erect. Explain. Be a proud mother, now that you're going to raise a child also, the same way. I wish you confidence and faith in life Smile

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