Join JustParents for free to ask for advice and make new friends! It only takes 60 seconds. Join JustParents

need to hear your thoughts!

nooranoora
posted 11 months 3 weeks ago
Hello ladies! I faced a dilemma. As you probably know we are currently pregnant via surrogacy. We are 12 weeks pregnant. We didn't tell anyone about our surrogacy journey. Only my DH and my mom knows. We want to make an announcement to rest of our family and friends in a couple of weeks. The thing is I don't know what to tell... I don't feel like I want to tell that we are using services of surrogate mother. I really want to tell that this is me! I am pregnant! So I’m thinking about a fake belly… My DH told "It's up to you!"
Girls I know it may seem dumb to you. But this situation is so hard for me... I've been always dreaming to carry a baby, to have my belly growing, to be beautiful pregnant woman, to show everyone that I can carry a baby and I can give birth! I had 3 MCs and not only losses hurt but also those looks I receive from family and friends... You know, looks which are full of pity and sorrow as if I'm not a fully woman. This is the reason why I want to show them that I am happy! I am pregnant and I can carry my own baby! Even if this is not true...
I'm afraid that sooner or later my secret will be revealed and the situation(and their looks) will be even worse... I have to decide now which scenario to choose, to tell the truth or to pretend pregnancy. What do you think? What should I take into consideration if I choose the second option? I will be really glad to hear your opinions! Maybe someone here faced the same problem.


Time4babyTime4baby
posted 11 months 1 week ago
Are you planning on lying to the child also on how it was brought into this world? Cause if the whole community thinks this child was brought into the world naturally, then I would think you would have to continue this lie with your baby for the rest of your lives. Me personally, I would not be comfortable with this. Surrogacy is such a beautiful thing and shouldn't be hidden. You should be proud that you found a woman who is ready to carry your baby. And what happens when your child finds out? By hiding it, it seems a "dirty little secret" and no one should be made to feel that way. You'll also have to fake pregnancy symptoms. What if someone will touch your stomach? People do this, when you're pregnant. Sometimes even without your permission. What if someone finds out? I remember an episode from "Desperate housewives", when Bree was faking her pregnancy and someone found her fake bellies in the closet during baby shower. What if something like this will happen to you? I think this is not a good idea. Of course it's up to you, but you should think about it twice before starting such lie.

nooranoora
posted 11 months 5 days ago
Girls thank you so much for all your responses! I appreciate your advices. Now I can see that it was not a good idea to lie about my pregnancy. There are so many facts and symptoms which I won't be able to pretend. You shed a light on this issue. Now I see this idea was really stupid. It will be so embarrassing and sad if people know the truth. Also I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings lying to them. The most important is we'll have our baby very soon! This is the only thing I should care about. I told my DH that we won't hide the fact that we're having a surrogate. He thinks this is the best decision. Also we're going to tell our child about surrogacy. I think our baby deserves to know the truth. There is nothing bad in this procedure, am I right? We have nothing to be ashamed of. I should be proud and happy instead of hiding and lying about our pregnancy. I'm happy I can talk about such stuff with you here. Thank you so much for support!

emiliaemilia
posted 9 months 2 days ago
Hi Noora! I'd like to congratulate you that you are going to be a mother soon. And trust me it doesn't matter how. Your choices aren't something you should be ashamed of. I know that the pitiful looks and the "sympathic" support people tend to offer is somewhat demoralizing. However, it shouldnt matter. At the end of the day, Its not about you and those people you see occasionally but about you and your child. The one who is going to depend on your for a long time. How he/she feels about the situation is what really matters. If someone lies about anything, even if it is nothing wrong, it does seem unfair to the person one lied to. You've made a choice and that too a brave one. A choice many open minded people are making these days. You should own it. There's absolutely no need to hide it or fake it. Not being able to carry a child doesnt make you any less of a woman. Not raising one properly and morally is what might. I'd suggest you to live with your truth and once you make your peace with it, everyone else will too. People sense when we are insecure about our choices so dont let them. Let people know, let your child know. Its nothing to be ashamed about. All the very best on becoming a mother. I'm sure you'll be a good one. Take care!

ElizEliz
posted 9 months 20 hours ago
Dear Noora, I'm so glad to hear that you're having a baby soon. Yes, by all means, Declare the Truth to the world. It's unlike you're abducting someone else's kids. The mode of parenting (what you call Surrogacy) is quite professional and in the news already. It's time we accept certain realities of our times/ Especially, the positive ones. For when we embrace goodness, it only spreads. Think how many couples are out there suffering in TTC. They may be running out of years until they have mature eggs/sperm. If they learn about such stories (as yours). The hope is naturally transmitted. And what's better than to transmit hope to the less fortunate ( I won't say unfortunate)? So, next time, someone questions your surrogacy. Lift yourself up and erect. Explain. Be a proud mother, now that you're going to raise a child also, the same way. I wish you confidence and faith in life Smile

TinaHendersoTinaHenderso
posted 8 months 3 weeks ago
The idea to have fake belly is not going to help. If you are trying to make a baby then you have to be strong and you have to face the realities. You are going through the surrogacy process. I don't know why people think bad about surrogacy process. It's just something helping you to have a baby that you can't have naturally. I found it perfect and I will suggest you, be bold to tell the world about this process.

FreidaPilcheFreidaPilche
posted 8 months 3 weeks ago
Hi Noora! Congratulations on the upcoming baby! This must be the best time of your life! I haven't gone through such situation. However, the desire of having one's own baby always exists! Therefore I would recommend that you attempt going for a fake belly. I'm sure it will be exciting for you to go on this journey!

qiaraauqiaraau
posted 2 months 3 weeks ago
Congratulations!!! It's such a good news though it's not through the common way, it is still a blessing and knowing that you are passionate on having one makes the waiting more exciting. Being pregnant is a goal and I know that you will be a good one soon. The decision is up to you as long as it results to your goodness and for everyone.

Diana1998Diana1998
posted 2 months 1 week ago
Hi Noor,
I am glad to hear that you are pregnant through surrogacy. It guarantees that you will no longer remain childless. Also, your hubby will be a proud father and so life will be complete as soon as the baby arrives. However, I just want to offer you some advice. You said that you have not told your family members about the good news. You also said that you are planning to fake some pregnancy just to prove that you can carry a pregnancy. Oh sweetheart, don’t do that. Just explain to your immediate family members that your womb cannot carry a baby to full term. Already you’ve had three miscarriages and this is common knowledge. So they know that you can conceive. It is only unfortunate that you cannot carry the pregnancy. So tell them that you have gone the surrogacy way and they will appreciate and respect you. Note that the goodness of surrogacy is that it guarantees that both you and your husband will be the biological parents of the baby. It means that the child that will be joining you will be related to you and your husband’s family. This is a good thing which every member of your family will be happy with. Trying to fake pregnancy has its own demerits. It will not be easier for you to sustain the lie. Moreover, when the truth will be discovered, you will lose your face. It will be difficult for them to appreciate your effort. So my dear, just be honest and tell them the truth.

Join JustParents for free to reply

Search forums

Latest Reviews