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I am a parent with a lot of guilt

posted 8 months 2 weeks ago
My name is Tracy and I am a new member in this forum. I will highly appreciate sharing more with you. Guilt had started gnawing on me. This time my kid was in high school grade 12 when he started focusing on doing his final exams. He started performing dismally and never adhered to the teacher’s instructions. One day I recalled my character in grade 12 was still the same as his. I remember vividly the courage and excitement that was boiling in me as I misled other students to indiscipline. In the wake of the final exams, my kid’s performance was now at the rock bottom. Stressed about his life, I sought the services of prominent counsellors. None seemed to work and the behaviors started dwindling more and more. I got hypertension as I remembered vividly this is the chip off the old block. Guilt was eating me to an extent of avoiding meeting the teachers face to face. My child did the exam and I never had the excitement of him finishing school. The results came out and still, I was in a total loss of my senses. Surprisingly enough, he got the same grade that I scored. A dismal grade that can’t even get admission to a college was what that landed on my table. It was an evening of shame, guilt and conscience-stricken times.

posted 8 months 2 weeks ago
Hi Tracy. I am so much motivated by your confession. The behavior of a child is merely dependent on what he or she observes from the surrounding. The problem is not yourself but from those peers they engage with. Again child behavior is not genetic so its not spread through generations. The best approach is to sit with your child, talk with him or her and at this point pamper them with what they like best and they will open up everything to you. Don't shy away as this is your child. I know this will help you too. I have also learned something from you and i will be very glad to always have an insight from you and from everyone in this forum.

posted 6 months 4 weeks ago
Wow, Tracy, first of all, congratulations on being so courageous. It takes a lot to confess such things. I relate to it because I drew such parallels between my Mum and I and I must say that it was dismal. Some questions in life are just too difficult to solve on your own and you have chosen to do the right thing by admitting it here. Have you considered walking your child through your life and admitting your faults to him? Maybe with the help of foresight, he may want to lead his life differently. I mean what else do we give to our progeny if not our experiences? It may not go very well if your child is not receptive at this moment but tactfully approaching the subject could lead you to actually becoming friends with your child on a deeper level.

posted 6 months 4 weeks ago
I feel that you should take it easy on yourself if you really want to help your son. Parenting is not easy but you must not allow the repeat of history so stop you from being a wonderful caring parent

posted 6 months 17 hours ago
Hello Tracy , first of all welcome to the forum. its really great about your child.

posted 4 days 12 hours ago
Hi Tracy
I am sorry that your son is behaving as you used to. It points to the fact that behavior can be inherited. However, I want to differ with you Tracy. The environment also plays a critical role in determining how we behave. I am sure you have not brought up your son in the same environment you were brought up in. If you have, then you should be ready to shoulder some blame. However, all is not lost because behavior can be modified. How best you do this determines whether you achieve your goal or not. Here I suggest that you sit down your child and discuss with him what is happening. You are free to use yourself as an example as long as it helps you to get the point home. Let the child realize that there are things he is doing which are not right and are likely to lead to problems in future. Demonstrate to him that his behavior has impacted negatively on his performance. Show him the results he used to get before he acquired new behaviors. Point out to him that you are not pleased with his behavior and that you regret. If he does not change, you can choose to seek help from a professional counselor. Now as you do all this, you need to remember to show your child a lot of love and empathize with him. Let him know that you still love him but you dislike the behavior in him. Lastly, always remember him in prayer even when he is present.

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