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Interfering mother and father in law !!

lottielottie
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
hello. Im really having problems with my mother and father in law.We don't see them much but when we do they really really interfere and cause problems in my marriage and relationship with my baby.They push me out and they ruined my first six weeks with my baby and now and again ruin things now.The mother in law really pushes me out and wants time with my baby and doesnt listen to me.They really try and control things with my baby and push me out.I join them in and include them with things.Then the take advantage and I feel they are really using me to get time alone with my baby.They really are not "normal" with things and I have to except everyone is different, but when you feel trapped by people and it effects your relationship with your baby.my hubby is a very very weak when it comes to his mum, hes a really mummies boy and she suffocates him and smothers him.He never helps me and makes things worse.He just doesn't understand and I have really tried to explain things to him.
examples for my problems-
They always talk about babysitting, when she was first born all I got was.We are taking you to lego land and places.It really hurt my feelings,I have just had my baby.
They do not listen to me when I talk about my baby.
They interfere and stress us sooooo much.
Always pestering me to sleep around there with my baby and I just don't want to.Cause they push me out the door to go to a restaurant so they can babysit.
Says my baby is spoiled and uses names I really do not like.
They weren't sympathetic with my emotions after I gave birth and didnt give there seat up for me and I had to sit on the floor at my house.I and a extremely sore bum and privates and they knew that and I was so annoyed
She laughed at my nick name and made me feel belittled.
She always likes the opposite to me.
She doesn't like my baby's nick name, which I see it as a sign of affection.
She is very cunning and says and does things when others are not around.
Sad Face
It doesnt sound bad but this is only some of the things that go on.I would be here all day if i wrote everything !!! my health is suffering as well and Im having trouble sleeping.I want another baby.But because of them I dont want another one cause they will use that so they would take my first born away.I no child need a realtionship with there grandparents.My little does and I do not stop this at all, but when they take over and do/say things I dont like this is not right.My freinds and family are annoyed with things and try and advide me x

Does anyone else have similar problems ? I no I have to talk to them but im worried to offend them even thought they do it to me often !. Im worried I can hold back and say things how I really feel about them and make things worse.I do talk to my sister in law about problems with my hubby.But don't think I can talk to her about her parents.She left home at sixteen and rebelled against them.Thanks for listening xx my family have been wonderful and I don't no what I would have done without them x take care all xxx


alis378alis378
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi Lottie, I am so sorry to hear you are having problems with your in laws.

YOur hubby really needs to start defending your corner and stop being a big girls blouse as far as I am concerned. He should be making sure that everything is all right you with and not stand by and watch his parents push you to one side.

Also, if it were me, I'm afraid I wouldnt be able to hold my tongue. They need putting in there place, this is your time for your baby not theirs and they should be listening to how you want to raise your own child. I really wouldnt worry about offending them, with any luck they will take heed and take a step back.

I'm not sure if I would talk to your sister in law, it depends how well you know her and what sort of relationship she has with her parents now.

I really sympathise with you, but be strong and make your voice heard. Let us know how you go
Kiss
x

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Kiss hun things dont sound good. I think you need to talk to hubby and then maybe discuss things with his parents together.

I dont know how you have managed to bite your tongue I would have snapped a long time ago.

Be strong hun, you can sort this out
Kiss

GazelleGazelle
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I think the time has come for you to put your foot down, whether your hubby helps you or not.

You are a fab mother, no-one has the right to make you feel otherwise! You are in charge of your home and your life and don't have to do anything you don't want to. If your MIL calls your LO names you don't like, tell her in no un-certain terms to stop it, or start calling your MIL something she doesn't like and see how she likes it.

To be honest they sound like grown up bullies!

Stand your ground, assert your authority in your own home and be proud of who you are!

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, or spend time with people who make you feel belittled. I'd take a step back from them and see them less often. They need to understand that they are not in control of their relationship with your LO, but you are! They have no power of decision making in your LO's life and are there to support and respect your decisions.

Some people think they have an automatic right to be respected no matter how they treat others. Just because they are your in-laws doesn't mean you have to give them that. Respect has to be earned. Make them earn it!

If your hubby isn't prepared to make the first move then you'll have to, and I'm sure once you get a few home truths off your chest you'll feel much happier and in control.

It's easy for me to say all this when I'm not in your situation, but I truly hope you find a way to sort it out!

Sending you ((((((huge hugs))))))!

Ellie
xxxxx
Kiss

noababynoababy
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi Hun!!

See you're still going through the same cr@p. (((HUGS)))

The question is like this. If you put your foot down-what will hubby do? Will he take LO and go visit them without you and against your will?

Stand up first to hubby and then to inlaws. To hubby say-I have had enough and this is the way it's going to be. We will not visit them and they will not visit us and I will have their phone number blocked unless you stand by my side and stand up to them. End of story. He has to stop being a wimp. Then either way-stand up to in-laws.

Yes- a child benefits from a relationship with grandparents, but not from one that is causing this much stress and negative feelings. To hell with them. Lottie will be better off without them if this is the way they are going to behave.

(((HUGS))) again!

Susie

KeeleysMumKeeleysMum
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
I do and i dont get on with my inlaws. I must admit i do get sick of the sight of them as i have to spend every weekend with them so they can see keeley. i can count on one hand how many weekends iv stayed home with keeley. One day me dave and keeley went to the park with daves brother and we watched them play foooty. daves dad turened up...more than a little bit drunk. we sat on top of a huge mound and F-I-L asked to hold keeley who was about 5 months old. being as laid back as i am i let him but due to his state i was right there watchin his every move ready to take her. He then announced it was time to go and stood and went to walk down the mound with my baby. I shouted and threatened him not to go down. He did. He could barely walk on his own two feet, yet he proceeded to walk down the hill with my tiny baby. Well for all the little things id let go by in the past....no more. i snapped. dave and his brother were shocked. I screamed, i yelled, i swore and i told him if he ever went against my wishes again, he would never see keeley again. he was gobsmacked...for his laid back daughter in law had just done something no1 else ever does...CONFRONTED HIM and made him feel as small as he makes others. and my god did it feel good. since that day,...if hes drunk hes not allowed to even sit on the sofa and hold her.
and from that day...what i say...goes. he tries it on now and then , asking if keeley can have ice cream before tea. and il say no everytime he asks.

So hun, stand up for yourself. mummys boy wont defend himself or you, thats why they feel so powerful and try to put you down. If you fight back, they will realise your not as weak as your Other Half.

show them who's boss

xxx

lottielottie
posted 1 decade 3 years ago
Hi all xx thanks for your replies xx I had been on here but didn't reply straight away cause I then felt badly with how I felt about them.Anyway I have read replies and will re read them properly later when LO is Sleep .When I have wanted my own family for such a long time (years and years!!) then when I do I'm controlled by people who do really no me of love me.I want to create my own family life together and it annoys me I have to do so much that I don't want to do.My hubby hasn't helped me in many ways.I have yearned for a baby for years and he knows this and doesn't understand have cried many a night about it,I even got a job and my qualifications so I could be with babyies and toddlers cause and I cared for them as I would my own.I have to be strong and do what I want to do.They have put soooo much [b]stress in our lifes and make situations more complicated .All I want is everyone to get along like "normal" and let me be the mother I want to be.I have very low self worth and this doesn't help.I have wonderful family and friends who love and care for me and I do them.But with his parents they are so different and see things differently and its hard when that happens. They think in a little crazy person Crazy but I probably am.They do not let my hubby breath or think for himself and she suffocates him.I want to have more children but scared of them interfering with my older child cause I will be looking after a young baby Sad Face I'm going to have to confront them aren't I .I cant live my life like this and dread the weekends cause they put so much pressure on me to stay there and go out and live my baby with them.Thanks for listening xxx have a wonderful weekend better then mine !! xxxxxx

bye

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