Every mothers fears this....Scarest moment of my life -and now anxiety attack

From my Archives

Jul 9, 2014

Anxiety attack
For the third day today, I feel not so well, anxious of something that I do not know. It all started on Sunday evening when I lost my baby girl aged 2 years and 10 months in the crowd. She had left the house, as she usually does to play with other kids downstairs and I knew she was well coz she would run out and come back safe. I never thought it could be a disaster. That Sunday at around 6.30PM I sent her sister to check on her and whoa, she couldn’t be found. I called for a search. She was nowhere and it was dark now. I didn’t know what to do but just continue searching. I didn’t know if I should start blaming, and who to blame, her sister or her dad? It was terrible. The thought of what could be happen to her, who took her, where is she going to sleep the night, even walking was becoming difficult, but I had to carry on. We had to retire back to the house and pray that she is safe wherever she is and that in the morning at or by 9 AM, we should be able to get her.
Such a long night sat I down; far from the bed coz I wasn’t going to sleep. i thought of what measures to use to find her, Which directions i should follow. I cried, i prayed, i begged God to protect her and send an Angel. i prayed that the baby be taken in by a good woman who will provide her food and a warm place to sleep, just thinking that i could get into bed when my baby was in the cold finished me. But i still kept the faith. i trusted that there was a God who listens and answers prayers and so, though with little faith, i continued praying. i called all my relatives to pray, there was no going to be peace with a missing baby. i still believed that God was going to do wonders and in my mind, my baby was safe. The Devil is a liar, there were instances, and many of them that i thought of the worst. The next day was 7/7, the most awaited day and it wasn’t going to be a good day and with a baby out, you never know. i thought of human sacrifices, i thought of kidnapping(but i have no grudge with anyone i know and i don’t have the cash worth ransom). i thought of baby selling. i thought of the last moment before the baby left the house, and it being that i last saw her in the toilet and she asked me for a tissue paper which i gave her. i thought of the happy moments with her that i would never see again. i felt pain, i hurt inside. i couldn’t cry much coz i had to be strong for the other kids. i hugged them and promised that the sister will be back in the morning. Then i posted on Facebook and begged people to help search and pray for us. the hours dragged, but i couldn’t sleep. i let the others retire to bed and i continued praying for the baby’s safety.
in the morning, i woke up early and went out to continue with the search. my team did so also. i started checking if someone with evil intentions did something bad to her and then left her at the gate(weird but true), i checked the sewers and tunnels, nothing. i asked and nothing, i walked aimlessly, stranded where to move and i walked back to the house to prepare to go out for bigger search. i had to take photos to all rescue centre and report to court on the same. On my way out, i decided to first check with the area chief’s office if there was any report. The desk officer asked me to call a woman who was seated outside and it was her- the God sent Angel. she described the baby she collected by the roadside when she realized that she was alone at night and could be hit by vehicle and stayed there at her roadside kiosk waiting for the mother(or family member ) to pick her, but none came along. she hosted her for the night and in the morning reported the matter. i confirmed the baby is mine and she was asked to go get her as i waited at the office. Another loooong time before she returned and i thought it must be another joke, she wasn’t coming. i started to think that she might have seen the Facebook posts and decided to prank me. i was restless and then my brother called to to say that she has found her. i was relieved. He just saw the lady as she brought the child to the chief’s office and now i held my baby
God gave her back to me. i will ever be grateful to the God of all Creation and you Mama Ruth. God bless her and all about her, the family , her businesses and all that she touches may it prosper. the search was now officially called off and the OB was closed. Mama Ruth is now my friend and will remain so ever. and i invited Ruth, her daughter to the house as she had to take back a change of clothes they had provided my baby.
Now 3 days later, am suffering the post traumatic effects of the ordeal i went through. I have this empty feeling i dont know what to call it but i know i will get through. i still imagine what would have happened but i remember that God was and will ever be in control. I have therefore decided to put these feeling down so that they get out of the system and my heart settles again. I will fear no evil, for the Lord I serve is Great and with time i will be well. the ordeal made be blackout on everything that i knew. i was prepared for an interview but on entering the interview room, i had nothing. I just told the interviewers that i had a crisis and should they feel that it was important, then, they can consider it when awarding and deduction marks. But it isnt a big deal as long as me and my family are safe, i have all the chances in this world for more interviews. I thank God for the job i have currently and will continues doing my duties right.