Breaking the “wall of Silence” between parents and children
Teenagers not listening to their parents anymore- Are you one of the parent struggling with such issues?Here's the right place to tackle this issue. All you need to do is just follow the below given guidelines and create a healthy parent - to -child relationship. It is not uncommon these days that teenagers do not want to listen to their parents anymore. They just can't bear the brunt of sermonizing anymore. No patience left. But have ever cogitate what makes them a victim of this kind of aggressive behavior?Did we even try to mellow down by politely discussing with our child? I certainly agree that many of us would have surely not . Reason? Lack of time, engaged in materialistic world, hectic life, whims and fancies and many more .Personally, i feel that this is a thought provoking concept that needs hooking attention. If not given due consideration, it could even sabotage your child's life. Let's discuss how we can we as tough- as -nails in dealing with this pitfall. All you need to do is just follow the below given protocol.
1. Build an ambiance to pay attention to what your child is saying.
Often, it has been observed that we do not pay much attention to what our child is talking. May be we are engrossed in our own world that we tend to ignore little talks of our child. Unfortunately, this is one of the biggest causes today that builds a wall of misconception between parents and children. As a result they tend to feel despondent, desolated and the effect is so severe that even if they are to share something substantial with us, they would not and hence step back. It is imperative, however to break this bridge of silence and as a parent we must foster care and be willing to listen to them. Listening is paramount here as it would make your child feel respected as well as accepted. I am sure that some of us might think that why we need to listen to them? In this competitive life style, we are not left with much time to pay attention to our young ones and as a result the child feels isolated even though we all are dwelling under the same roof. The only barrier to this is lack of proper communication.
I have found many parents often complaining that their child doesn't listen to them at all and displays tantrums and sometimes obnoxious behavior when told not to do something that is not appreciable. This is bound to happen. Children are like tender buds that need to be nurtured with care and we need to make sure that are words are cushioned with love and kindness - the only alternative left today to win your child's heart. We ought to think from a child's perspective. Imagine how would we feel if we are ignored and our talks are considered flippant and hoax? Naturally we would be sailing in the same boat as our child. Therefore, the need of the hour is to break this glass ceiling and listen as well as openly communicate with our child.
As a guideline, one of the best measures is to have at least one meal a day together and discuss with your child how his/her day went today? what he/she did ? whether they faced any problem or not? If possible make it a daily habit to pray together in the morning. " The people who pray together stay together". This practice would definitely seal the fate of this barrier and very soon we will observe a change in their behavioral pattern.
2. Act like a friend rather than a Boss.
Teenager's are so inured that they tend to do the opposite of what exactly is told to them. That's because this is the only way they can assert their authority. Here comes the role of a parent. Step in and try to facilitate the decision making process rather than nagging them. Nagging your child is highly unfavorable and bound to make your child petulant. They end up being trapped in this vicious cycle. Furthermore this would annihilate their future as it would question their character when they grow older.
As a parent , what we can try to do is open up our heart to them and provide a very convivial environment so that children do not experience any inconvenience. Rather feel comfortable and begin to trust their parents. Once the patches of fear fade away they would get a sigh of relief and begin to consider you as your true friend. The moment this is achieved, half the task is done. As I personally believe that acting as a friend rather than a manager would help children to share their ideas more openly with their parents.
Hope now you must be aware of the drill and would implement it in our daily life!
3. Engage in one- to -one colloquy.
Perhaps, one of the best discussions parents can engage is to have one- to -one conversation with your child. The way we talk and the kind of questions the child is exposed to makes a dramatic difference. One of the key components here is to ask open ended questions rather than close-ended one's. This would be quiet influential and in turn weaken miscommunication to a great extent.
An interesting trick is to do this while you are engaged in some activity like cooking, driving somewhere . Do not look at each other directly and emphasize on your activity. This would yield positive results and both the parents as well as your child will be at ease. As parents we often tend to frame a fantasy picture of the world, however discussing even frivolous issues helps convey the fact that most problems are common and can be dealt with. As a result whenever the child faces any problem, you will be the first point of contact for your child.
4. Set up a room for Privacy.
Respecting the privacy of your child is one of the most pivotal factors that should be the nexus. Many times, I have observed parents that keep digging into their child's personal belongings like reading out their personal diary, hearing their conversation with friends, checking their mobile phones etc. Completely agree that as a parent you are very much concerned about your child's life . However, this is not the time to be a nosy parker . Keep aside your ego and false perception that pulls you away from being constructive. Make your child feel liberal . Make him /her feel that this is their life and have the right to be their own self and that they are in safe hands. Just try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine that how would you feel if someone tries to break your privacy? Obviously you would not be in a position to tolerate such behavior. Same hold for your child as well. Although , it is completely understandable that sometimes we need to interfere in their privacy , but let's break this monotony . It's time for a change, a time of testing. Give them a space of their own to grow. This space would allow an understanding between the two and therefore it would be a win-win situation. After all we are intellectual enough to understanding that they are entering into a new phase of their life where unexpected feelings and experiences are bound to happen to them on a daily occurrence.
"Parents need to be more accepting of who their kids are and less concerned about what society thinks they need to be".
posted 6 years 3 months ago