Emotional Coaching- the bedrock to raising happy, resilient and well adjusted kids.
Has it ever happened that sometimes you wish you were a happy-go-lucky child? Just bag pack and leave aside all the errands(work, family, relationships) and free yourself from all the jollity?
However, reality is completely insane as it seems though, childhood is not an easy period. As a parent, our major disposition lies in distributing warmth , care as well as portraying an image of a loving parent, which is in fact highly appreciable. However, being an emotional tutor for our kids is perhaps one of the most challenging and cringing topics of discussion today, especially in this demanding world. Therefore , this needs our rapt attention .
Today, amidst all the stress and hustle bustle , majority of kids are enveloped with the fear and embarrassment of what others would think about them if they approach for help. Moreover it is uncommon in our society , where male are immunized against deeper emotional honesty and right from the childhood are labelled as “Real men smile” or oh! “you are a man “. Why you should cry? These feelings have been drilled right from the starting and male (kids) are forbidden to shed tears as it would question their masculinity. We ought to break this vicious cycle they have been trapped in as it would have devastating consequences in the long run. So, it is very important to let them come out of this shell of stereotypes and let them freely express their emotions through tears . I personally feel that these feelings if suppressed are bound to hamper our child's mental growth. At the same time I understand that the motive of every parent is to raise resilient kids. However, how to bring up such kids, is one skill that they are completely unaware of and is a matter of immediate concern.
One thing that I would like to talk about is that many people have the perception that raising mentally strong kids means that they are hard and tough and never cries, rather it means helping your child to trust his own abilities and polishing his/her confidence in order to achieve their goals.
One of the reasons why most parents fail to achieve success as an emotional mentor is instead of allowing a child to fully experience a negative emotion , we often react as emotional Pilot trying to overtake their problems and not letting them board their own plane of difficulties. As a parent we tend to empathize with our child with all our platitudes, advice and ideas. Common parental strategies like leaving no stone unturned in minimizing the emotions or the underlying problem or rushing to the rescue. Adopting such strategies to help would however minimize the self rationality among children and they always go mad searching for options that could spoon -fed their emotions and could rescue them from being despondent to assuredness.
Emotions we all have them ! So does our children. However identifying the type of emotion is a crucial step towards emotional coaching . We (as a parent) have been involved and engage our child in “Soft Pedagogy”, but have ever wondered how about helping them being mentally strong ? So let's see how we can raise mentally strong kids in this stressful world.
- Endorse your child's perspective and empathize: Even if we all are well aware of the fact that we can't “Do anything” about our child's upsets, just by cottoning to and subscribing to your child's emotions will make half of the troubles vanish. After all who doesn't like to be acknowledged?We all humans love if someone is there to encourage and listen to us. We find ourselves in safe heaven. Now, we are free to move on. By understanding your child's emotions we are indeed helping them to reflect on his experience and what triggers his feelings. For little one's just by assuring that there is a name for their feeling is a primitive tool in learning to manage the emotions that bummed them.
- Give a green signal for their explicit expressions: Little ones lack a proper understanding of how to vallicate between their emotions and 'selves'. Acceptance of your child's emotions rather than extinguishing them or covering them is good enough to send a message to your child that it is completely sinful or objectionable. Opposing your child's anger or fear won't let those emotions fade away, as feelings have not been freely expressed. Instead they are loaded and are looking for a way out . Sometimes they balloon out unmodulated.So an effective way to deal with such a situation could be to tell your kid ”Yes, I do understand that you are mad at your brother, however it is not a good thing to hit him” in a very gentle and polite manner.
- It's okay to let your child Struggle: Struggle is healthy, if we take it in a positive manner. Indeed, it is good and is critical for lifelong success. We always remember are tough coaches and teachers, rather than easy ones. Are some of them still in our topping list?... of course . One thing that must be learnt is that never accept behavior from mentors that admonish your child of their ability. It would be better not to entertain these demotivating groups in your child's life. Letting your child struggle simply doesn't mean that let them face all the hardships and difficulties alone, just make them realize the power of struggle and also the fact that you as a parent /coach are always by their side, whenever they fall. This would bring a transmogrifying experience in their life and help them succeed by leaps and bounds. Create a neighborhood for your kids with coaches and teachers that give honest and painful feedback. Accepting negative feedback would help them overcome their flaws (weakness) which would turn into opportunities and positive traits, that everyone would aspire for.
- Stress is good: It has been suggested that moderate levels of stress helps children become resilient to stressful situations in future. We all know that as our kids grow older , we cannot be there with them in all situations and at all times. So why not prepare them to face the harshful situations right from starting. Imagine the effect it would have when your child would be all jam packed to perform at a high level, when others around the crumble. I feel that it would be an exuberant experience in itself and all our years of hard work would pay. It is not at all easy to raise mentally strong kids especially in today's stressful world. However following such practices can help bring up our kids as hard and tough as this world.