Kids on the internet - worried

Hi All

Im really starting to worry about the dangers of the internet - I have noticed that my 14 year old is using it more and more, locking himself in his room every evening after school - its not that I don't trust him but you just never know - I have tried talking to him but he is very defensive - anyone got any suggestions?

take the lock off his bedroom door and remove his computer if you are worried.

either that, limit his internet time to 1 hr a day after school and under supervision.

I had to use these hard lines with Tom not so long ago and it earned some trust with both of us, he was spending way too much time in his room.

It forced him to go out and get some excercise and make more friends.

Id also talk with him calmly and if all else fails take the 1st option, removal

As an extra level if you are worried about the sort of sites that he could be going to there are certain restrictions that you can apply to the internet access from some or all machines. You may also be able to generate a log of what websites have been visited. All sounds a bit big brother but it can be done.

May be better in the long term to talk about the concerns as otherwise if he finds out that you've been monitoring his access that could cause a problem.

I would suggest selecting sites he can visit. It's easily done with a little Internet know-how.

Jas was on a perfectly innocent site the other day to do with Pokemon and playing some online games on it. However, when I popped my nose in to see if she was winning, she was on YouTube! Apparently there are links to YouTube videos on the site but whilst some were innocent, some were most definitely not and nothing whatsoever to do with Pokemon I was a bit annoyed as the site itself seemed harmless but it's where they can navigate off to that's the concern. I explained why I didn't want her going onto YouTube and she was fine with it and decided she'd had enough of the site anyway.

You can't shield them forever but you can try and explain why some things you might not want to see.

Good luck.

why does he have the computer in his room?

It is well advertised that computers (when children and teenagers are using them)should be in a public room where parents can see EVERYTHING that is going on and what sites the are using. If he has a facebook/myspace/bebo account ask him to show you it and check to see if he has a public profile or a private profile.

I would take the computer out of his room and put it in a central location like the family room maybe? I would also be concerned that he's being defensive about it.

If you can't move it to a central location I would not allow him to have his bedroom locked with the computer in there at age 14.

Also as others have suggested you could restrict what sites he goes to by applying certain settings to your computer.

some great advice let us know how he goes

i wouldnt let any off my kids av pc in there rm in the dining rm so i can monitor what they are doing

I wouldn't allow the pc in his bedroom either - I'd remove it. Mind you her room's so small there's no room for tv or pc!

I have found the perfect solution which still allows my son to use the internet, but i can make sure he is protected from certain sites.
I did some research and spoke to friends and the solution is called sentry parental control which will block and monitor certain websites. I have recently uploaded it onto my sons PC, and now feel happy with my son using the internet.

I still think that 14 is too young to have a computer in their room with a locked door....

edited because I said tv instead of computer in the room the first time....

my son is 14 and he has the internet in his room, but im very careful what he does in there.

and he doesnt have a lock on the door thats a big no no!

hes more responsible now as hes older but we once was a nightmare.

a firm hand took care of that. he know that if he misbehave hes got not computer.

I don't disagree with them having one in their room but the locked door to me would be a big no no!!

I can see it being a great thing for leverage too when they are misbehaving a threat to take the computer away might make them think twice, I agree with ya Lucy!

pretty sure this was a spam post.... but, it brought up a good topic here!!

Charlotte uses my laptop to play on Cbeebies, she has her own profile which she clicks on and it brings up the website automatically and theres no other icons on the desktop.

Obviously, only being 4 she can just work the mouse and can't type in anything on the address bar, but I can still veiw a parental report of what she's being looking at on my profile, its actually on the PC already, nothings had to be bought or downloaded!

Tammy I think the same as you!

Can I also add for fire safety you shouldnt have locks on bedroom doors.

I don't have teens yet, but my sister does and keep the computer in the living room so she can monitor the use of it. They still manage to do things they probably shouldn't, but at least they have to be a little more mature about it.

Like Maria0000 I am using sentry parental controls - I saw it in the paper and it came highly recommended so I thought I'd give it a try - and it has been great. It can send you texts when the kids are looking at things they shouldn't be - and does all the usual stuff like logs all their viewed pages - and they don't even know it's there! My 12 year old daughter has a computer in her bedroom and I don't have to worry at all!

Hi Pauline, is that also why you and Maria0000 are posting from the same IP address... possibly you two are the same spammer

oh for gawds sake whats wrong with these people! why do they do this?

pauline and maria0000 how do you explain that?

Nicely spotted hapydazy We seem to be getting a few of these now don't we.

Most standard internet security suites will allow set and custom levels of security that you can use. If you are happy with your children using specific sites, you can set those up as 'safe zones' and ones you know you don't want them to use as banned sites. It's pretty easy to do.

Have a look around at the different tools available - many of which are free to download and easy to use.

Personally I use Kaspersky but that's because I used to work for them and the tools are good for both business and personal use which I need.

Shout if you need any more help