oooooooh... let's get a little controversial...

Someone recently brought this article to my attention and some of you who've read my recent blog may have an idea of my stance on this.... So, with out anyone getting ugly with any one else because some may have opposing opinions, I'm just curious to see what you guys might have to say about the article and the comments that were made about it.

I won't elaborate on my views of this until after who ever reads it has a chance to read it.

I'm also curious to know what the tolerance level is in the UK in relation to the article and it's content... you'll understand the question more after you've read it and the comments.

Whew! done put ma self in tha hot seat there, when sometimes maybe I should really but that's just not mwoi!

here's the article http://babble.com/content/articles/columns/badparent/008/

I've moved this to general discussion because I'm really interested in getting responses on this topic. Don't be afraid to speak up with your opinion regardless of what it is....

It's not a bad thing to get a little controversial topics going here sometimes

i tried reading it but all i could read was the first paragraph about smoking pot when she aint with her kid and thats all i got cos it wouldnt let me read cos i dont have java script

Hmmm... I'll ask Rob when I see him on if I can just copy the article and put it in the post, but I also wanted to talk about the comments on the article, which I wouldn't be able to copy and paste, I don't think.

I found it interesting. I would never do that in front of Caitlin however stressed I was, and as I don't do it, it will never happen!!!

I can see why she wanted to escape from that situation, and being in a mall around other people prob best for her and her boy, even if she did get into trouble for being high.

I'm a very moody person and its got to be my way or none and Cait is the same, so I think I will try and let her be in charge at times and just let her wonder and follow.

Good article Tammy (sorry I'm like wtf drugs bad parents)

mmmmmmmmmmmm well I think doing any drugs is wrong around kids,but I am a very anal person I dont like smoking or drinking around children either,but found that artical quite sad that she had to smoke pot to be able to not only handle her child but also enjoy her child,we all have days where we think we could scream but there is no way I would take drugs,think to be honest it sounding like a excuse to take them,

I think I have to agree with JOJO that its sad the mother had to smoke pot to enjoy her son, also it sounded to me that it made her smoke it more.

As a small child he won't notice his mum is 'high' but maybe later he will and wonder why other parents don't do it and maybe resent it and cause future problems. If anything was to happen and she had to take the boy to hospital and she was high and the hospital staff noticed, that could lead to social services for example.

I'm not personally bothered what people do in their own time, if this woman smoked a bit of waccy baccy in her own time when she had no responsibilities then fair enough. I personally don't agree with being stoned infront of kids though or in charge of them, I actually don't even agree with drunkeness infront of kids either.

Put it this way would the mother have been happy to let someone else who was stoned look after her son?

Thanks for the comments, keep em coming!

I'm going to kind of speak on this mother's side... as some of you may know, I do like to smoke ciggarettes and the "other".... never around Aaralyn, never with her in any reach of "smoke" nor could she ever have the opportunity to be around it... but! I personally have no issue with people smoking and then being around their children.... my personal opinion and also from experience is that it does not impair me in any way from being a good mother, and I will admit to sometimes even using it as a "mommy's little helper" during times that I have absolutely no patience (specially when PMSing, it is used medicinally for me, mentally and physically) there have been times that I may have gone off yelling at her had I not calmed my nerves in the fashion that the mother in this article did. I don't like or do any other "substances" (well ok, tabacco and cafeine too) and I even feel that a few drinks would impair my mothering abilities more than a little weed ever could which is why I personally choose not to drink very much at all around her or any time really, rarely (choices I've made while drinking have gotten me into big trouble in the past which I'm still dealing with) the only thing that smoking ever cost me was a job that I made the wrong decision to smoke a few weeks before the interview and then failed a urine test... stupid on my part yea, but it wouldn't have impaired me from doing the job.

I think I am a great mother, I am very active with my daughter, I never put anything as a priority in front of her, but I enjoy a lil smoke and when she gets to be a young lady of an age to understand it better, I will be totally honest with her about my lifestyle... and I think she'll love and look up to me in high regard, just as she does now

and just a reminder, this is about weed and/or alchohol, not other harder substances....

Now keep coming with the opinions, negative or positive I want to know people's views of this on both sides

Well I don't agree with smoking dope or ordinary cigarettes around kids or other adults who don't smoke as I think everyone has the right not to have their body contaminated by other people's 'substances'. However, although I don't smoke I am not opposed to others doing it as it's their choice and is a far cry from harder drugs. Although I think it's sad this mother had to resort to getting high to co-exist with her child, I did like the nostalgic view she had of her child's interests and how she then allowed him to 'lead her'. I would like to be more relaxed with the kids in the way she described, but without the aid of intoxicating substances.

I don't think anyone was suggesting they smoked in the presence of children - both the article author and Tammy mentioned they would never do it around their child, but kept the actual 'smoking' away from the kid. I hate seeing parents blow smoke around their children, and wouldn't be averse to making that illegal. (This comes from a smoker.)

I think people's opinions of this topic will vary considerably between those who have smoked weed and those that haven't. It's one of the most maligned substances on the planet. I have, and I would consider the effects to be far less than drinking in terms of the ability to care for others and take control of any situation that arose.

Weed tends to make people relax and appreciate simpler things, whilst taking a lot of anxiety and pressure from your mind. I can fully appreciate how being a bit stoned could make you interact with a child on a level far similar to their own, as the author of the article writes about.

I'm really against drunk parenting - I think alcohol's ability to make you incapable of dealing with situations even at low levels means that it is an irresponsible thing to do. Being totally stoned and incapable would be just as irresponsible.

In an ideal world, people wouldn't need or want intoxicants to feel that they are enjoying their child's company more, or have any need for weed to make them feel more relaxed and good tempered. In an ideal world, there would be no need for anti-depressants, councillors or drugs of any type.

Unfortunately, this world is far from ideal and if a parent feels that they connect better with their child or improve their quality of life and state of mind, and isn't harming themselves or anyone else.. then in my personal opinion fair play to them.

All in my humble opinion, of course

I totally agree with all of that.... I was on antidepressants for about 8 months and although it did help me get through a situation, I felt kind of numb while on them. I find that smoking takes the anxiety away but still leaves me with my normal emotions, and I find it a much better form of antidepressant than what any pill could do for me.... I'm not saying that any one on them should stop taking them and starting smoking of course . Aside from medicinal reasons, I just plain enjoy it in a social setting or just as a nice way to get me in a relaxed state and to take away the "edge" sometimes. I prefer that over alcohol any time, for me anyway . I'm not one to judge what anyone does in their own time either as long as they are not putting anyone else in harm's way. I don't ever smoke to a point of not being able to function normally, although I do know people who do and just want to knock and go to sleep after, that's not me.... and, I can get into some serious cleaning and enjoy it after a toke or 2

I have BIG issues with alcohol and parenting ,most of my friends and family enjoy the ocasional "smoke" and they have done for years and i feel i have been brought up very well and stable.I personaly would be more inclined to have someone that has had a few tokes around than an alcoholic or a social drinker that has gotten to intoxicated.I think everyone is entitled to live there lives as they choose as long as there main priority is there childs well being.
I wont have more than a glass of wine when i know my child is around if i want a night out i will make sure my child is being looked after by my dh or my family,i just feel comfortable that way.

This is a great topic/debate Tam.

I haven't read the article yet as i haven't had time - however i will read later and then post my thoughts!

Very interesting post Tammy - well done!

(becs sulks off feeling ashamed after reading jo-jo's post - knowing she had a few glasses of wine in the garden last night whilst dd was asleep! but only 3 small ones)

It's probably the act of going off for a few minutes as well as the effect if the weed that are doing the good - if it works why not There was nothing to indicate that she would carry on when the child gets older - things get better. As with anti depressants she may not need to carry on!

can I just say I have smoked weed in the past about 10 years ago and it was the worst experience ever,I was so out of it and was couldnt make sense of what was going on around me,I have also been a good drinker being a northern lass and used to be out every night of the week also I smoked ciggys as well,but meeting my hubby changed me and having kids I have become even a bit of a health freak,I just worry about the inplications of weed such as breaking the law and getting a criminal record plus like yourself tam failing drug tests,also I wonder about the mental health as isnt weed supposed to increase mental health problems,and of course how easily could someone give it all up if that lady was to become pregnant again, http://cyber.law.harvard.edu/evidence99/marijuana/Health_1.html

Hey JO JO, thank you for posting the article. I won't have time to sit and read until I get to work this morning (that didn't sound good ) but I have skimmed over it and looks interesting.

I'll speak more on my point of view of the medical danger side of smoking when I get a chance to as well.... gotta go get ready for work now!

Good keeping those going with your comments guys! Thank you

i couldnt read the article but judging by other peoples responses to it i have a fair idea as to what was in the article.

im personally quite liberal and openminded about issues like this. i do NOT agree with people smoking weed or any kind of smoking around there children but i do not see why there should be any issue with alcohol as long as its juts say one every now and then.

i was brought up all prim and proper that a lady should be a lady and that they shouldnt swear all that sorta stuff and my father was very strict. i, in turn rebelled against this and became goth listened to heavy rock music drinked alot etc etc etc.

if and when my kids (talking into the future here) want to try alcohol then i will let them my parents were the same if i wanted to try a little bit of their wine or beer or cider then they would put a tiny drop into a glass and top it up with lemonade. I would much rather izzy have alcohol that i have got her as a teenager and drink it whilst she is in the presence of my company so i can monitor what she drinks and she will therefore learn to respect alcohol and what it can do to you and not like some people i know whos parents wouldnt let them have it so they used to go down the park or the beach and drink a like litre of voddy or cider pass out where anything can happen to them, at least i am keeping my daughter safe from that and treating her more grown up as thats what all teenagers want they want respect and to me respect is a 2-way street and parents cant just expect their child to give them respect and not give their child any in return but parents should in turn give their child respect aswell if they want respect from their child.

children arent stupid and they understand whats going off and they resent the fact that they are sometimes treated as though they dont know whats going off but they understand alot more than what people give them credit for.

i actually know someone and they smoke around the kids they actually did it when i was there with izzy which i wasnt happy about and i actually walked into the other room i dont mind infected my lungs but im not having my 10month old child at the time of this incident having her lungs infected by that aswell.

so to sum up smoking etc to me is okay as long as you dont let it affect your children therefore in effect do it in secret and dirnking is ok as long as its not excessive and it doesnt effect the way you bring up the kids (constantly with a drink - no/occasionally with a drink - thats alright as long as yo dont go OTT)

sorry about the long and probably make no sense ramble i have hurt one of my fingers so its been hard to type this as i had to use all my fingers except my right index one which if anyone who can touch type knows its very hard.

I still haven't read the article yet, but I will... as far as it being a problem when someone becomes pregnant, well I stopped no problem at all during pregnancy because I didn't know what problems could arise and would never want to take a chance like that, and although I don't agree with it, I've known people to smoke during pregnancy and have had normal healthy, smart children.

The legalities of it, well that could be a complete other debate. I personally think it should be legalized if not atleast decriminalized.... seems to work very well in other countries where it is not such a criminal act to smoke a joint or posess a little personal. Our economy could really do well if they legalized hemp, it would help with the state of the world's enviromental issues that's for sure and I would be glad to post articles explaining in many ways how that can be if anyone is interested. I'm not sure the laws or the tolerance legally-wise in UK or Australia but would love to hear more about that as well.

As far as alcohol verses weed debate, I think Rob put it best... you should never be expected to be a responsible child care giver (parent or otherwise) if you're in any state of complete intoxication, weed, alcohol or otherwise. As far as me personally, a few drinks impairs me, where as a bong hit or toke off a pipe or joint only relaxes me and puts me in a better frame of mind sometimes when I'm on edge. Both of those substances can and do affect people differently, so it may not be the same for someone else .

what concerns me is that, yes weed will make her relaxed and more patient with her child but she will be less active and assertive. Her child will be more prone to accidents as its mothers eyes will not be as alert and her reflexes will be so much slower

I smoked weed in my teenage years and even after one joint there is no way I could have possibly coped with a child, thankfully I gave up about 10 years ago (showing my age here)

I do however understand the need to see a way of better parenting, she is trying but she has just gone in the wrong direction in my eyes

I think the less active may be true for some but not for all. I tend to get more motivated and into things when I've had a little smoke. I personally don't find that it makes me less assertive or slow my reflexes down but again, it does affect people in different ways. I've never personally smoked a whole joint by myself in one sitting cuz I wouldn't feel the need to so I don't know if that would make me not be able to cope with my child, I also wouldn't drive with her in the car if I smoked a whole joint by myself because that would probably bring me to a point of buzzness that I would not be comfortable with around her or not around her.

Just want to thank you guys again for your responses on this post, I think it's great that we are having some opposing opinions yet it hasn't gotten heated at all!! Just another reason why I love JP and it's members!