Marc and I have broken up....

.... and I am so upset right now I just want to crawl in black hole and never come out again, but I can't because I have my Aaralyn to take care of.

Basically, we were having a conversation last night that took a very ugly turn and now our relationship is over. He says that as long as Aaralyn and I are in his life that his daughter won't have anything to do with him. I will never make him choose between us and his daughter so I have opted to get out of the relationship as it seems there will be no future for us as long as his daughter feels the way she does.

I've never done or said anything to make her feel the way she does, she just doesn't want to share her dad. I thought maybe after we met that things might be different and they are, just worse not better.

I made the mistake of moving in here because I thought Marc and I had a future together, now I'm in a situation that I don't know how to get out of. I've only just gotten my first paycheck, I can't afford to go get my own place yet, but I can't stay here with things as they are. All I've done is cry since last night. I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do, my car broke down last week, been driving one of Marc's vans to and from work...

So, here I go again, I start to think my life is going in a positive direction and then boom! I get squashed again. Seems it's always this way though so I should be used to it by now.

So, just after my 38th birthday, I have a great job and a great kid and nothing else... WTF am I gonna do now???

Oh sweetheart, that sounds awful. It seemed like you were bending over backwards to fit in with her that its such a shame that you split up due to his daughter. Ultimately theres not much you can do- its his decision to choose between you and his daughter and a child will always come first.

I have to say that I think its setting a really bad precedent for his daughter who probably now thinks she can control her dads life and manipulate him in this way.I fail to see why it wouldn't be good for him to model a loving relationship (eg. you and him) to her, after all whats he gonna do, never ever date anyone until she is in her forties?? and she says that its ok? I don't see how being single is going to suddenly make him a great dad. Its not as if you asked him to choose or were trying to come between them, or that you were mean to her is it?

Its very sad but you have to prioritise yourself in all of this now and your daughter. You must be devestated but maybe it would help to focus on all the practical things you need to do re: splitting up- eg, where to live etc.. write a list of all the things you need to do and this might give you some feeling of control over it. It might also help you stay focussed when deep down you just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Could you stay with friends for now? Thinking of you hon, hugs..

omg hun. im so sorry. i dont know what to say. im sorry but i think marks daughter is being a selfish little girl. like angelbaby said is there any friends you could stay with?

((((((((((((massive hugs)))))))))))

like i said to u on msn hun, so he's going to stay single for the rest of his life coz his daughter dont like him being happy with a lady, thats no life for him and very selfish from her.

thanks Angelbaby and Stacey....

I can say with all honesty, other than me just being in her father's life, I have never ever said or done anything to take away from their relationship, nor would I ever... I don't know if it's just because she's at that age where she wants to just be with her boyfriend and not her parents (normal 17 year old behaviour) and it's hurting him so he wants someone to blame for it, or if she really isn't talking to him because of me... I can't talk to her so I don't know exactly how she feels, I only know from what he tells me...

I agree Kel, thank you hun... maybe that will be ok for him, but I want to move on and eventually be in a relationship where all involved are happy or it can just be me and Aaralyn, I'm definately ok with that!

Oh hunni im very sorry

Cant you chat to his daughter tell her that your not going to be in the way of his and her relationship make her see that you are no threat

how old his is daughter? is she old enough to understand?

hope you can really work this out

oh hun ( i have just seen this couldnt get logged on- but that is another post)

Im so sorry to hear about you and Marc. his daughter has done nothing but make trouble for you both- she is obviously very jealous of anyone who has daddy's attention other than her- i think she has to grow up a bit (im sure I recall you saying she was a teenager!!)

If it really is the end of you (and I nope not- i hope you can sort it out) you maybe have to weigh up all you options i,e stay where you are or go home!

xx((HUG))

aww hunnie I have just logged on and seen this! How crappy for you! Am not sure what to say other than his daughter is one selfish brat! does she not realise that what she is doing is urting many people and that she needs to grow up! if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me and I will give you my msn addy hunn! xxx

Oh no I can't believe this, you'd seemed so happy moving in together and starting your job. I can't believe though that so soon you are having to think about moving again, that's not the easiest thing to do when you've got one wage and a child to take care of. I totally agree with what the other girls have said about how his daughter will always do this to him. The thing is then if you move out he might come back saying he still loves you. I really think you need to clarify with him that if you split and go that it really is finished because you can't keep yo-yo-ing around, it's not good for you or Aaralyn. Seriously hope you're ok

Sorry to hear this hunny. I hope his daughter has realized what shes caused and grow up a little. I'm sure everything will get better in time.

he is guna be on his own all his life if he lets his daughter rule him
she should understand that he needs a life to.
so sorry hun hope you are feeling better now.

Thanks guys, I'm actually feeling better about things... I just have to sort out what I'm gonna do... just don't know quite yet what it's gonna be.

You are all right, he is going to end up alone, he thinks that when she goes off to college everything will be fine... my thing is I don't want to be in a relationship with someone when I know that it is the cause of problem between he and his daughter... he knows and agrees with the things said here (not that he read the thread or anything), he knows she is selfish, he knows I've done nothing to make her feel this way... he says it is just the way she is and regardless she's his daughter and he wants her in his life. He keeps telling me today that he doesn't want our relationship to end, that in maybe 2 years time that it won't matter because she'll be away at college but I want more out of a relationship, then to be waiting around for 2 years and hidden away or have to leave in order for Brandi to want to come over here. I'm not gonna hide my daughter because his daughter has a problem with us... he said today that it's more jealousy she had toward Aaralyn than toward me, he says that if I tried to talk to her about it then she would get even more mad at him and resent me more... ok then, I'm moving on.

Just to add to it all, Aaralyn's dad will not be seeing her anymore for a while because I will not let him until he becomes more responsible for her. I let him know that I was going to be needing more money from him weekly in order to be able to pay for her schooling, he flat out said that he could not give her any more time, nor would he give me any more money.. he actually said that, not I'll think about or see what he can do, but once again, a flat no, that's it. So, I called his mother to let her know of the situation and that things might get a little ugly between us and I wanted her to know that it had nothing to do with her.... she bashed me too, she said that I should be her sole provider and that's the way it should be because I'm her mother. Maybe she thinks that because Scott's father denied him and he never saw him or anything, never once. I told her that if he wanted to be part of her life than shouldn't he take a little more responsibility and she said that I was using Aaralyn as a pawn to get at her son!! That was all she needed to say, I"ve now washed my hands of her too... it's sad for Aaralyn because she loves her daddy and she loves her Grandma, but right now I feel neither of them deserve all the love this kid has to give.

I've decided that all I am going to focus on is Aaralyn, my job and my true friends (which I do consider you all in that category btw )

Just one other thing on the whole Marc perspective... he is also extremely angry with Aaralyn's father but he made a bit of a racist statement about him out of anger, but it made me see that maybe there is a different (not so nice) side to him that I didn't see before, that I would never want Aaralyn exposed to. I know people can say things they don't mean out of anger but I did not like what he said at all... gist of it is, Aaralyn's dad is bi-racial and Mark blamed the fact of one side of his race was the cause of his selfishness, and if there's one thing I don't like is to base a group of people on one person's ignorance, ect... it hit me in a sore spot that Marc has never touched on before.

Thanks again for the responses, I want you all to know it means sooooo much to me that I have support here from people that understand what I'm going through right now

Love you guys!!

I can see why the racist comment is a problem because obviously Aaralyn is partly of that race and he was thoughtless to say that. I do feel so sad for you I really do because it all seems so harsh on you and your ex sounds so selfish and irresponsible. Don't let them break you hun xx

Thank you sweety! I won't let anyone break me, I promise... if that was gonna happen, I would have been broken a long time ago Too many good people in the world to let the selfish one's (not referring to marc as selfish, because that he definately isn't), the a**holes, the abusive one's, the just plain mean ones, to ruin it for all the wonderful people this world has in it

hey hun. ive come on to see how yr doing. i cant believe mark said that to you. that was low.noone should be judged by their race and i also cant believe he expected you to wait like 2yrs till brandi was at collage. some men are hysterical.

you hang in there girl. yr worth a million of those men xxxxxxxx

thank you Stacey!! ... the sad thing is he really is a great guy in so many aspects I'm going to be missing out, but I won't comprimise Aaralyn's or my happiness, and I won't ever give him an ultimatum.

thats the important thing hun. You both come first and you have to be happy

I agree, it's good you have the strength to be decisive

i completely agree hun