my girlfriend is pregnant

hey, my girlfriend is a few weeks pregnant, we both want to keep the baby and i was and still am really excited, but before we found out she had doubts about me as a boyfriend and told me she wasn't happy, but i promised to make more of an effort even tho she was just being silly, but i thoght if it assures her that i love her then ill make more of an effort. she was cool about it, and we were discussing moving in together.a few days later she takes a test and says she needs to be alone, she always told me she wanted kids and i said like wise,so i found it a bit strange when she decided she didnt know if she wanted me anymore again, hurtfull as it was i tried to confince her i still love her and she cliamed she still loved me.of corse by this time i got hardly any chance to make an effort as she always says she is with friends and only texts if i text her, she is really laid back about making appiontments, but ive always said that i couldnt possibly know what she is going through and that ill be patiant, but after three weeks things just got worse she is getting less and less interested in me she questioned my friendship with me and another girl but she was wrong.but i said i understood why she would think that and that theere was nothing in it. i had to say that i wasnt happy about her not texting to say hi or show any interest, and she said "how come its always about you? i cant take this anymore we need time apart" it was the first time since we found out she wasa pregnant that i said anything. i completely understand that hormones do crazy things. i dont know what she is going through but im sure hormones dont stop you loving someone or make them stop thinking about you im finding this very hard and fear that i will loose her, but just before the pregancy she was fine and loving i just dont know, i think she is depressed? any advice? :-( x

HI THERE, I think she sounds very confused about it all, and obv its not fair on you either, i think i would just sit back and wait for a while, see what happens, if she keeps pushing u away u will have to tell her how its mamingu feel and that u dont want to bring a baby into a relationship where u feel there is no love or connection anymore, see what she says!

sorry i cant be much help!

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. If you don't mind me asking, was the baby planned? It may be she just needs a bit of time to adjust and get things clear in her head.

Maybe if she doesn't really really want to see you at the moment try to talk to her over the phone rather than texting as obviously there is only so much you can say in a text and also it is easier to take something said the wrong way.

Sorry I can't really offer anymore advice x

I think as you are having a baby together you have a right to establish where you stand. This baby will change both your lives forever and I think alot of women over-look how the dad is feeling. But in a way you are the one with the bigger issue right now, because if your relationship goes wrong it may be hard for you to have regular access to your baby as you are not married,therefore you have less rights. Whereas she will have control. So I think you have every right to get an explanation from her about how she sees your future and how she really feels about you and the baby.

this sounds like me & my fella before we found out about Ethan! i was always pushing him away.for a few weeks,we had been havin problems,in my eyes i couldnt stand him near me,hated him in fact,wanted him to leave,tried to make him leave etc... this went on for weeks,i used to go work upset and id avoid going home to him,id persuade colleges to go pub with me just to avoid being with him! then one drunken night i opened u to one of my colleges,told her everything how i felt,and i realised,i did want him,she asked me why i felt the way i did,and i couldnt explain it.it ended up being down to my pregnancy hormones - i never knew i was pregnant! when i finally did take a test (in the loo at work) i text him to let him know i was coming traight home after work and could he do the same as we needed to talk.his reply was 'if your ending it id rather you say now and have my things ready for me and il come to collect them' i just replied with 'we will talk at home'. he kept texting and in the end i text 'your gonna be a daddy'.
that night i went home,slumped on the sofa watching tv as he came in from work - me with my attitude didnt bat an eyelid and he came over to me,knealt down beside me and asked me if he really was gonna be a daddy,i told him yes (not taking my eyes from the tv) and he wrapped his arms around me,and cried.then it hit me,i DID want him,hes give me everything,and i was just throwing it back at him! we both had a cry,i apologised for all my anger and we put it down to the hormones - which it was as every now and then thruout my pregnancy the demon in me came back... each time worse than before! But he put up with it,as thats the amazing and loving person he is.(iv got upset writing this knowing at how i was towards him!)

so coming from her side (or rather mine) just let her know how you feel,dont come over too heavy,let her have her time when she wants it,but let her know your always there when she needs you.she will come round,i did... we all do... us women are harsh little b**ches at times,but we do have hearts-honest!

let us know how things go hun.and all the best to you and your new family xx

thats great advice, im glad that there is some hope lol thank you so much for all your advice its brilliant,and i will defo keep you posted on what happens, it wasn't planned, but we dont believe in abortion just because we know really that one way or another everything will turn out ok. but she is feeling better today and responded to a long letter i wrote and it seems to have done the trick for now lol so hopefully thinks will get better but ill be expect ups and downs
thanks agian!!!

Pregnancy hormones don't stop you loving someone but they can make you feel incredibly insecure and vulnerable. My partner told me after I'd given birth that for the first three months of pregnancy I had been a complete bitch to him- snapping his head off, criticising every little thing (looking back its true!). I hadn't even realised this! Its hard to explain and I don't want to fall back on the old cliche about hormones but I just felt so weird and like noone could do anything right, progesterone especially makes your temper x about 1,000!! and also I felt like noone, especially a man could even begin to understand what my body was going through or what a huge, huge deal it was for me to be pregnant.

Becoming pregnant is such an utterly life-changing event that you do start to wonder about the future- eg- am I going to be a good mum?, whats going to happen to my body- will my partner still find me attractive afterwards? everyone says birth is agony- is it going to be that awful? etc etc... I know that this is not much help to you but please try to give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt on this one and give her a bit of space to freak out without cricising it. There are alot of books written for fathers to be and maybe you could commit to reading some to prove to her that you're going to be supportive and let her know that you're there for her if she needs you etc.. If she continues to be hostile perhaps just gently tell her how you feel and explain that you want to be there for her in any way that you can but its hurting you that she's shutting you out. You want to be there for your child and be a good dad and also you want to support her throughout the pregnancy. I think if she doesn't relent after that she must have a serious problem within the relationship that perhaps you need to discuss.

I know it must be really hard for you but hats off to you that you're a caring father-to-be, and care enough to want to sort this problem out. Congratulations aswell!!