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Finally Found the Midwife for Us!

MortedMorted
posted 1 year 4 months ago
My partner and I have had surprisingly bad luck with our search for a midwife. They have been more medically-minded that what we wanted. We want to have a natural birth outside of a hospital setting, and are skeptical about synthetic drugs. I am transgender, so we also needed a midwife who is sensitive to that. Birthing is going to be an intense experience without having to deal with being misgendered while trying to push a head out of my cervix. We also moved to an area where we knew no one and had to start our search from the ground up. Our previous midwife was not a proponent of natural anything, did not respect our birth choice or even ask what they were, and would not use my correct name or pronouns. She also tried to push me into getting a few vaccines while admitting that they were not necessary because "it's not peak season". My partner at appointments had been made to sit in a corner and more or less ignored. None of the midwives I've visited had offered me to test for gestational diabetes either, despite me telling my first midwife this is a minor concern of mine since I have a cousin who developed gestational diabetes.

Yesterday we met with a new midwife. I woke up apprehensive because I am already at thirty weeks, and if this midwife did not work out that meant renewing the search so close to my due date. I debated over if I was being "too picky", but when I reviewed how uncomfortable the previous midwives had made me and my partner, I knew that I was doing the best thing for our baby. I wanted them to leave the womb and be surrounded by loving, warm people, not enter into a toxic environment with both parents anxious. We arrived at the appointment a few minutes late. (We had to stop for food as we had not eaten that day. I called to let her know I would be late.) The atmosphere was warm and welcoming. We were shown the birthing center, and it made me feel better about not being able to have a home birth. The room was spacious with a large bed and a nice tub. The midwife was kind and supportive. She spent two hours talking with us about where we were in the pregnancy and what birthing would be like. She discussed options with us rather than telling us what to do. She gave her opinion, but made it clear that this was our pregnancy and birth, and these were our choices to make. She even agreed to work with us pro bono due to our special circumstances. (We were homeless until a few weeks ago when we moved into transitional housing, so what little money we have is being invested into baby and business and food.) We were never made to feel like an inconvenience taking up too much of her time. Toward the end of the appointment, my partner was even able to feel the baby's head! To top it off, they even have a lending library where we borrowed books on mindful birthing and diaperless parenting. We both left the appointment feeling good, which has not happened with any of the previous midwives.

Have any of you had difficult experiences with finding a care provider during your pregnancy?


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kaka135kaka135
posted 1 year 2 months ago
It's really good to hear that finally you have found a midwife that you like! I think that's really important. It's also very good that you can go through the process naturally.

I learned about home birth when I was pregnant with my second child, and I have a friend who is a midwife as well. But, as I had complication during my first childbirth, so I had no confidence in home birth. I delivered both of my children in hospital.

All the best to you!

missiemousemissiemouse
posted 1 year 2 months ago
Congratulations on finding the right midwife for you! I hope you have a successful natural delivery. Please keep us posted after your delivery as well. I would love to know the details since I've never been in a natural birth setting.

As for me, as I've said, I've never been in a natural birth setting. I gave birth in a hospital and didn't have a midwife, I had my OB-GYN. The whole labour process was a nightmare for me. I was in so much pain for over 12 hours. Just when I was in the delivery room, the doctor told me that we had to do a CS since my baby pooped already. So yeah, that is my birthing story. It's a bit chaotic but I'm just thankful that my son is okay.

I hope you have a far more easy labour and delivery story. Good luck and take care!

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