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I'm a single mom, but not really.

freakishmomfreakishmom
posted 1 year 10 months ago
Hi,
My situation is quite complicated. I'm 28 and I have two sons - 1 and 5. I'm not married to the father of my children but we are still together (kind of). My parents never approved of our relationship and has made it clear that they never will change their mind mainly because my partner is 4 years younger than me and he's from a poor family but he has a job. I also had a job for almost 4 years but my parents forced me to move back with them and leave my partner. My partner and I don't have any issues, no history of abuse, no fights, nothing. He wants to support the children but my parents refuse to accept anything that comes from him. I lost my job because I moved back in with my parents so I'm currently unemployed (going on for 8 months now. I'm really upset and depressed about our situation. I wish I had the courage to leave my parents and hurt their feelings. I just wish I was brave enough to face them and tell them what I want! I'm really hating my life right now.


KCWoodenKCWooden
posted 1 year 10 months ago
You're 28- a grown woman- with two kids. What's best for your boys should come before your parents feelings, and that means their father being a part of their lives. Find your bravery in your sons. They're counting on you. If it helps, try writing down what you want to say to your parents. What they are doing isn't right or fair. You are your own person, only you have control over your life. Good luck!

morgoodiemorgoodie
posted 1 year 9 months ago
I'm sorry to hear about your situation and sympathize with you. However, you are an adult with two children and that is what you should concentrate on. If you and your partner love each other and he is willing to support and raise your children then that should be enough of an incentive to take control of your life. I am sure your parents love you and just want to protect you but sometimes you have to make your own mistakes in life. It sounds like they want to control your life and if they really do love you then they should accept that you want to be with this person who also happens to be the father of your children.
I would love it if the father of my children wanted to be a part of their lives and it surprises me that your parents do not want him to contribute to their grandchildren. There are enough children in the world that do not have one or the other parent in their lives and yours don't sound like they should be part of that statistic.
Have you tried talking to your parents about your feelings? If they are not going to respect your wishes, then you have to take into consideration what is going to be best for your children in the long run and go with that. If you decide to leave your parents, then hopefully they will realize down the road that you are more important to them than just having you to control.
I hope things work out for you. Good Luck!

AHaskell5AHaskell5
posted 1 year 9 months ago
Your happiness and the happiness of your family- referring to your children and their father- should be the goal. If there's no reason why they should want you separated and you're happy with each other, then go and be happy. Morgoodie is right, no child deserves to live in a divided family, and if they don't have to, they shouldn't. Your parents can chose to be a part of it or walk the other way- but you're all adults and any choice they decide to make is no reflection on you as a person or your choices.
Best of luck

MariposaMariposa
posted 1 year 9 months ago
I was going to ask if you're under 18 (or even 21) but then I re-read and saw that you already said your age.

Being my usual blunt self here, if you're 28, your parents have no say in the matter. They cannot force you to live with them, and they cannot force you to stay away from the children's father. It doesn't really matter if they'll ever change their mind or not... they're destroying YOUR family and doing something that is not best for the children. (Or am I wrong there?)

The father has a job... and oh, your parents forcing you to quit yours and move back with them? Are you serious?! I'd say get your job back and use your backbone.

I realize there may be more facts to this that we don't know... it's kind of bizarre if that's all there is to it, no? You kind of described being a bona fide prisoner... what else can you tell us that you may have forgotten in the original post?

MortedMorted
posted 1 year 9 months ago
Your parents' behavior is not okay. In fact, it is controlling and abusive. I know people with parents like yours. I have parents like yours. Spending your life tiptoeing around their feelings will never lead to them treating you better. It is simply enabling their behavior. I understand how hard it is to deal with that type of emotional and mental abuse. You feel guilty for attempting to do what is best for you when it does not align with what they want, but you also hurt from not being able to live the life you need to live. It hurts to hurt them (because of the manipulation causing guilt), but if you do not assert control over your life now, they will still be doing things like this to you and eventually your children when you're forty-eight.

I am not sure where you are located, but having children and not working, plus being homeless in a sense, some sort of government assistance should be available to you to help you get on your feet and in your own place.

Andy_LothbroAndy_Lothbro
posted 1 year 9 months ago
I think this is something you need to discuss with your partner. You two need to decide what you want to do between yourselves, disregard your parents wishes, there are children involved now. If he has a job, is he able to support you and your kids and put a roof over your heads? If not, perhaps you need to look into going back to work, even if its only a couple of days a week, to help pay for things.

You are a grown adult woman and need to make your own decisions. Don't worry about what your parents think. If they love you and their grand children, they will realise they still want to be part of your lives and respect your decision eventually.

Good luck!

mamajaymamajay
posted 1 year 9 months ago
You shouldn't let your parents take over your life this way. They are still treating you like a little child and yet you have your won children. Are your parents going to take care of you and your kids forever?
You have a man who is willing to take care of his kids and the only problem between the two of you seems to be your parents. You will never be able to make any decisions of your own as long as you continue living under their shadow. Your parents are also obviously going to control how you bring up your kids and everything to do with them. You need to take control of your life immediately.

TravelingEriTravelingEri
posted 1 year 9 months ago
I'm so sorry you're in this tough situation. I agree with everyone else- you need to put your brave suit on and don't let your parents control your life. It doesn't matter if they don't like your partner- not at your age. It only matters that you did, and he's a good father.

I understand how hard it can BE to be brave, I've had to do it myself this week (albeit, a very different situation) but you will feel so much better in end. Many hugs!

darkchilddarkchild
posted 1 year 8 months ago
Everyone has said it all, you need to stand up to your parents and make it clear to them that if they cannot accept the father of your children, then they cannot accept you or their grandchildren.

Make a plan with the father of your children, if you both agree to live together, go ahead. Things might be difficult in the beginning like you may only have enough to eat and you may need to home school the children before you get a job but it's only temporary.

Your @freakishmom type of relationship is one that lasts forever. Hang in there and don't let your parents bully you into thinking of yourself or your baby daddy less.

moneymakingmoneymaking
posted 1 year 8 months ago
Hi,
I am so sorry for your situation. I know what it is like to be in a situation where you feel like you have no control, and you are afraid to tell others what you want. But nothing will change unless you do something about it. It is not easy, but if you want a change you are going to have to sit down with all the adults involved and talk this through. Its easy for us to give you this advice, I know. But I have been on both sides, please find the courage and do what you need to do.
God Luck.

ArthnelArthnel
posted 1 year 8 months ago
I also agree that you need to realize your power by now. By your power I refer directly to the things you have a say and control over. I'm sure you have so many goals for yourself and your family. When you dated and got two sons from your younger boyfriend it was not a problem then. So long as things are going fine, don't let that be a problem now. Your energy needs to be focused on getting all those things you ever wanted done. Keep busy being productive and successful. That's what your parents would love to see. Prove them wrong about your choices by becoming a star in your life and the life of your family. You will find yourself at peace this way.

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