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Annoying Father in law

TamarraTamarra
posted 8 years 6 months ago
I need some advice, I am 16 weeks pregnant with my first child, and i am finding my father in law unbearable, he annoys me so much i am very close to actually exploding! I have been married for 6 months but have been with my husband for nearly 7 years now and have always found his parents rude and over bearing. I won't go into all of my FIL comments that i have had to put up with over the years as they will go on forever! But i have found him worse since i have been expecting, i can put up with his comments of " i would like a grandaughter" (he has 3 sons) i have explained that its not really my choice! i can also put up with him dropping hints about baby names (because any name he likes i make a mental note to make sure we won't choose that one) but he recently came out with "i am not dictating to you how to bring up your child but if you decide to give the child a dummy i would ask that when the baby is round our house or we are visting that you make sure it doesn't have one as i don't agree with them" When my husband told me this i must admit i lost it, i said in that case he won't get to see the baby! My husbands oldest brother nearly choked on one 40 years ago, so he is very against them - i did explain that it was 40 years ago and things have moved on and changed since then - ( i later found out he nearly choked on a bottle top not a dummy, so he doesn't even have an arguement) i am very careful not to tell my husband how much i hate his dad as i know this would upset him, and in my husbands defense he is always on my side, but i just can't see this having a happy ending, i don't even want him to go any where near by baby when its born and i know thats selfish and out of order but i just can't stand him, he has decided that when i go back to work after i have had the baby that he wants to look after it one day a week, and i just want to scream, they are so old fashioned in their ways and they seem to forget that the last time they looked after a baby was 30 years ago and things have changed since then, and the plan is that my mum is to look after the baby (she used to work in a nursery) Also i have asked my mum to be in the delivery room with me (aswell as my husband) as i am adopted and thought it would be nice for my mum to experience the whole thing as she couldn't have children - my husband thinks its a lovely idea and doesn't have a problem with it but when his parents found out they keep mentioning it - i am not sure if its because they don't approve or they are dropping hints that my mother in law would like to be there (which is NEVER going to happen) i don't know if i am over reacting, but i just can't stand him, he reminds me of Victor Meldrew and Blanch from corrie rolled into one person! i know some people may say i need to talk to him to tell him to butt out but i am afraid that i will loose it with him and it ending up in a huge row and them hating me forever!


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SamuelSamuel
posted 8 years 6 months ago
My dad is a bit like this, my sister one day described child birth to him in the most disgusting way she could, he wasn't overly interested in her pregnancy anymore.

WolfblassWolfblass
posted 8 years 6 months ago

Samuel said:
My dad is a bit like this, my sister one day described child birth to him in the most disgusting way she could, he wasn't overly interested in her pregnancy anymore.


Oh loving it Samuel!

Tamarra - i'm sure we all have issues like this with atleast one or two of our in law families etc.

I'm not sure what advice i really can give, when it comes to my FIL i am very selfish adn will only do and say what i want to. Shrug

HUGS and hope you can draw some kind of positive relationship out of this for your child. x

candgsmumcandgsmum
posted 8 years 6 months ago
I would say just remember that times have changed since he had children.

One of my aunts was very rude about the name of our son, but I just told her we liked it, he wasn't her son. She very opinionated but I still care and love her and I think she actually respected the fact I stood up to her.

If all else fails I would consider very much Samuels idea Very Happy

GTTkelGTTkel
posted 8 years 6 months ago
I would feel like you, the bottom line is the baby is part of you and your husband and anyone else that gets a look in should be willing for it to be on your terms. Plus I think it would be more natural for your mum to be there than his mum, as you are the one going through all the physical side of child birth which is a very intense and personal thing. Even if you got on with your mother in law does not mean you'd want her there seeing you give birth!

It sounds good that your hubby is on your side though, often the men caught in the middle don't stick up for their wife against their parents or fail to recognise that their parents may be over bearing.

WelshMumWelshMum
posted 8 years 6 months ago

GTTkel said:
I would feel like you, the bottom line is the baby is part of you and your husband and anyone else that gets a look in should be willing for it to be on your terms. Plus I think it would be more natural for your mum to be there than his mum, as you are the one going through all the physical side of child birth which is a very intense and personal thing. Even if you got on with your mother in law does not mean you'd want her there seeing you give birth!

It sounds good that your hubby is on your side though, often the men caught in the middle don't stick up for their wife against their parents or fail to recognise that their parents may be over bearing.


I agree there definately! At the end of the day, this is your pregnancy/baby and not their 1st grandchild so what are they fussing about? I think it's lovely that you want your mum there as she wasn't able to have a child of her own- and even if she had been able to, it's still a good idea and entirely your choice. My mum-in-law came along to the 20-week scan with us as she had done so with her daughter on both pregnancies, I wouldn't want her at the birth but only because I've had 2 children already and this is my partner's 1st baby and just want him there as we may not have any more as I had 2 c-sections with DS and DD (I may be able to have another baby after this 1 if I do have a c-section again but it all depends on how the scar tissue is from the other 2)

Put your foot down, your hubby is behind you so that's excellent anyway. Thumbs Up

Hug Hug Hug

Lou x

LucyLucy
posted 8 years 6 months ago
do it your way or no way and your hubby has to back you up. Men especially older men have no ide when it comes to babies and somehow i think that he needs to mind his own beeswax!

But that said i think he has a right to see his grandchild, however on your terms and if he cant respect that then you need to make him aware of how he makes you feel, he may not realise this i how you feel,

TamarraTamarra
posted 8 years 6 months ago
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me Very Happy , i will be seeing FIL at the weekend so will see what happens!

shortie2shortie2
posted 8 years 6 months ago
me and markyboy ave the same problem with my dad...........

put it this way ave probably called my dad a few names in the past but ave called him alot worse in the past 3 months or so and i still will...

TamarraTamarra
posted 8 years 5 months ago
So, i went round to see Hubby's family at the weekend and his Dad started as soon as i walked in the door! He firstly told me that HE was buying a cot, a baby seat for the car and a pram for HIS HOUSE, i explained politly that when the baby was round his then he would use OUR pram etc...... and that he didn't need to buy a cot (if he thinks the baby is going to be round his enough to warrant him buying a cot he has another thing coming) Bad! He then asked when they could have the baby over night, i said i hadn't thought about it really as i am still only 18 weeks pregnant but it wouldn't be staying anywhere with out me while i was breast feeding etc..... he then told me that wasn't a concern as i could express milk! So i just repeated firmly that the baby would not be staying anywhere untill i had stopped breast feeding or baby was sleeping through the night! he seemed to back off for a bit then an hour later started to go on about he was retiring soon so when the baby came he would have lots of spare time for baby sitting etc.... we left at that point!

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