Join JustParents for free to ask for advice and make new friends! It only takes 60 seconds. Join JustParents

Anyone gone through a marriage break up?

lonelymommylonelymommy
posted 8 years 11 months ago
I dont know where to start, tbh I have no one to talk too so ive joined this sit. I feel like my world is falling apart and dont know where to turn. Ive been with my hubby since we were 11 yrs old. We have our own house and up until 5 weeks ago I thought we were very happy. We have two children the first has just gone yrs and was concieved via fertility treatment, the second is 8 months and was a natural miracle so obviously we were over the moon. Any way to cut a long story short over the last 3 months my hubby has started to go to his friends a lot and basically turned back into a teenager drinking and smoking etc. 4 weeks ago I came home from a night shift and I could tell he hadnt slept he started an argument and baiscally told me to get the kids and go , and said he didnt love me anymore. My world fell apart I tried to find somewhere to go but there is no where, my mom has no room and I have no friends or family to speak of. So I rang him and he said I could stop in the house 4 a bit and he would carry on paying the bills etc until I found somewhere. He came back from wrk that night and we talked and discussed our relationship , he said I didnt appreciate him and I didnt do enough for him housewrk and cooking wise .(I wrk 50 hr weeks most weeks so most days I dont get in until an hour before he does, that as well as the kids makes it hard) He never lifts a finger but the house wasnt as tidy as it should be and he would have to wait for his tea to be cooked etc. I said I also felt unappreciated that i was wrking lng hours inc night shifts aswell as the kids and cooking and cleanig and trying to have some sort of life, and never got any recognition or affection from him, he was always out with his mates and never wanted to do anything as a family. So we agreed to try again I started doing the housewrk evry day and making sure his tea is cooked for when he gets in etc He has started spending less time with his mates but he is not being anymore affectionate infact he has been less we havent slept together since . He told me 2 weeks ago a that he was confused and does love me and he didnt mean to say the things he said . My heart is breaking I just keep thinking he doesnt love me and im wasting my time . I know sex isnt everything but he just doesnt seem to want to be anywhere near me so i dont think he does love me. Im so scared I have no where to go live and cant afford to bring the kids up on my own . Inever wanted this for my kids id never have tried for kids if I knew I was likely to be a single mom. The thing that hurts the most is I havent got much more going for me to e honest, im not very ood looking im very overweight and dont go out much plus money is tight , but ive always had his love. To think he never loved me devastates me . Cause that means ived never been loved (lng story). god im going on now

gem Sad


Join JustParents to remove this advert

ElementaryElementary
posted 8 years 11 months ago
This could have been me writing this Shocked
My husband left 3 years ago - he's also reverted and was drinking, smoking etc. He never said anything but also felt the house should be tidier, and that meals should be waiting for him. During my pregnancy, I became disabled, not severely but a huge change for me; as a result I became hugely depressed, didn't bond with my daughter, and yet he felt he was the one hard done by Shocked
I know live on benefits and money is very tight.
Despite all this I feel I am very much better off - I am no longer on antidepressents, have a wonderful relationship with my daughter, and all my family - although money is tight I have nowhere near the financial difficulty he has.
There is hope whatever happens - chin up x

LucyLucy
posted 8 years 11 months ago
im sorry i have no advice Hug but i wanted to give you a hug

mum2popsnjakmum2popsnjak
posted 8 years 11 months ago
I'm so sorry hun. This sounds like it must be an awful situation for you. It sounds like you really need to do some more talking. He obviously doesn't know what he wants right now? He needs to decide and can't expect you to hang around forever. Sex is definitely not what all this is about. If you have been together for so many years i am guessing that you were each others 1st and only's? Maybe he is wondering if the grass is greener on the other side? Many people do when they have only had 1 partner? Not that this is an excuse to treat you badly you understand! If it isn't possible for you to sort this out (and i hope it is, maybe marriage counselling?) then as for the house surely you both pay towrds it's upkeep and even if you don't pay any cash towards it's upkeep, you certainly do everything around the house. Therefor what makes him think he gets to keep the house while you have to leave? I would definitely speak to someone at the citizens advice or similar about where you stand in this case! I think you would have more right to it than your partner as you have to dependants (the children). As for the nobody loves you thing. It sounds like you have been hurt a lot in the past and don't have any self confidence. You don't have to be a skinny supermodel to be loved. Maybe you having low self confidence is some of the problem? Perhaps your husband doesn't know how to help? He sounds very chauvenistic though. Has he always been like this or just recently? As for losing weight, well, if it really is an issue for you then you are the only one who can halp change it. I know, i am overweight too! You can only do it for you though hun. Not because someone is telling you too! Big hugs hun. Feel free to chat anytime to any of us. It is a great site! Big hugs for you hun. I really hope you can get it sorted! Hug Hug Hug

tigger197613tigger197613
posted 8 years 11 months ago
im sorry hun, i had the same thing from my ex partner he got violent after 10 years (we werent married) told me i was fat and unattractive , so like you my confidence was shattered, i eventually got him out the house and thanks to friends ( which you have here Hug ) i began to rebuild my life i have 2 children with him and 2 from my first marriage, i used to have to go without food just to ensure the kids were fed as he wouldnt pay for anything i had to pay everything out the child benefit and child tax credit and was lucky if i got 20 quid out of him! i have now rebuilt my life and found someone i knew 19 years ago we are now planning our wedding and he doesnt expect me to wait on him hand and foot... so altho things seem seem bleak now it is possible to move on and be happy. but if you want to pm me ( if its possible not looked yet) im here if you wish to have a good sob Crying and support Hug

lonelymommylonelymommy
posted 8 years 11 months ago
no he only became like this recently . The arrangement we have is he pays all the bills as he earns 4 times more than me and i pay for shopping each week al the luxuries and everyhing for the kids inc crimbo presants and clothes for all 4 of us . The house is in his name as i got in a mess with debt years and years ago. I could stop in the house but he has no where to go and I couldnt physically afford to keep it on (the mortgage alone is 720 a month I only earn 400) .he is being quite nice except the affection thing I think he finds me repulsive all of a sudden I dont know what to do

mum2popsnjakmum2popsnjak
posted 8 years 11 months ago
It sounds tome like your confidence issue is bringing you down hun. I'm sure he doesn't find you repulsive. Why would he just suddenly change his mind about you after so many years together? Perhaps there are a few issues going on in his head. Maybe he has just lost his sex drive and doesn't even know why himself? This could make him snappy and rude, and would also make you think he is having an affair or that he finds you unattractive which really may not be the case? Without speaking to each other openly and honestly you will never know hun. Although sometimes things are hard to hear neither of you can be expected to deal with the problems if you don't even know what they are. It sounds as though you contribute a lot financially and if it comes to you breaking up you would almost certainly be entitled to stay in the house. You wouldn't have to find the full amount yourself. Your DH would almost certainly have to contribute to the payments hun. As for him having nowhere to go, neither have you and you would have the children in toe aswell. As you have already said, he earns much more than you and therefor if he has no family or friends who would take him in he would have to rent somewhere! I really hope it doesn't come to this hun, communication is a must though. Even if you mutually decide to split at least you will know everything has been tried to make it work! Hug Xx

mum2popsnjakmum2popsnjak
posted 8 years 11 months ago
It sounds tome like your confidence issue is bringing you down hun. I'm sure he doesn't find you repulsive. Why would he just suddenly change his mind about you after so many years together? Perhaps there are a few issues going on in his head. Maybe he has just lost his sex drive and doesn't even know why himself? This could make him snappy and rude, and would also make you think he is having an affair or that he finds you unattractive which really may not be the case? Without speaking to each other openly and honestly you will never know hun. Although sometimes things are hard to hear neither of you can be expected to deal with the problems if you don't even know what they are. It sounds as though you contribute a lot financially and if it comes to you breaking up you would almost certainly be entitled to stay in the house. You wouldn't have to find the full amount yourself. Your DH would almost certainly have to contribute to the payments hun. As for him having nowhere to go, neither have you and you would have the children in toe aswell. As you have already said, he earns much more than you and therefor if he has no family or friends who would take him in he would have to rent somewhere! I really hope it doesn't come to this hun, communication is a must though. Even if you mutually decide to split at least you will know everything has been tried to make it work! Hug Xx

TAMSTAMS
posted 8 years 11 months ago
First thing if you guys have been together since 11 you have grown up together and sometimes we grow apart. If both paries want to you can find a way to reconnect.

You are a mum so you must have lots of strength. Focus on you the best you can and you do have things going for you otherwise you wouldn't be able to keep a job down, wife and mother.

Join JustParents for free to reply

Forum search

Latest Reviews