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do they really need

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 9 years 4 months ago
a male influence????

I didnt used to think that kids needed both male and female influneces as long as they had somthing but lately I have began to doubt this.


In Joseph's life he has my dad (who works 28days offshore and 28days at home) My mums pals hubby (who works the shame pattern as dad),he dotes on the childminders OH but again as a fisherman he works away, there are a few friends who have OH's but nothing special there. My best friend is his Godfather and we see him whenever we can but it is not alot at the moment as we both work soo hard.

When my dad left 2 weeks ago to go to work Joseph broke his heart, he was sobbing and crying because he didnt want Grandad to go.

And today he wouldnt say Goodbye to his godfather because he said if I dont say good bye he wont go.

I am wondering if he is craving male attention??

I dont feel guilty that he he has no contact with his sperm donar (I left when I was pregnant and have very good reasons why I dont want him near us) but I do feel guilty that he seems to want attention that I cant give him Sad


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hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Yep, I think boys and girls absolutely need atleast positive male influences (your sperm donor would not count in that category Evil or Very Mad )

I think boys do for different reasons and I think girls do for different reasons...

I see Aaralyn alot more recently (even some in the past) reaching out to males in her life (ie, Mike and even some of the dad's of children in her class)... she is missing seeing her father as much as she used to and for this I feel guilty. But on the other hand, Mike is a wonderfully great male role model in her life and she loves him and adores him soooooo much, she's even asked him a few times if she could call him Daddy Sad . She still wants her Daddy to be her Daddy of course too and if he ever were to completely step out of her life then Mike would step up full force, but for now Mike understands, as a Dad, that he has to let her Dad still be Daddy. I just wish her Dad wanted to step up to the plate a little more, especially when she was not far away from him.

Is there a Big Brother type program there? Where men (with background checks) become a father/brother type person in a boy's life who otherwise doesn't have that? We also have a Big Sister program for which I volunteered as a big Sister for about 2 years several years ago, it was a wonderful experience Happy

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Sad It is soo hard. I do everything for him but this is one thing I cant give him and that hurts. Sad

I dont think we have any schemes like that (although I have heard of them)

It might be easier when my Dad retires (maybe that will be in OCtober) as he would be about more.


Im so mad and upset that I cant do anything for him and I hate failing.

hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Hun you're not failing by not being able to provide a male influence through you.... do you have any male cousins or brothers that could spend some time with him doing some "guy" things?

I'm sure it will help too when your dad is around more.

Aaralyn makes me feel very guilty when I reprimand her or even when she's got a boo boo sometimes she will cry and say she wants her Daddy, it's heart wrenching, but I also know I've done the right thing by her with the move we made or I would have never done it. Just as you know that you are doing a great job as a parent to Joseph and he will grow up a wonderful young man into adult because of it Hug

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 9 years 4 months ago

hapydazy said:
Hun you're not failing by not being able to provide a male influence through you.... do you have any male cousins or brothers that could spend some time with him doing some "guy" things?



no family on Dads side and mums side is all girls Joseph was the first boy to be born in the immediate family for 60years! (there were 14girls after my uncle was born)

ElementaryElementary
posted 9 years 4 months ago
Fortunately Martha seems to accept that I am the only one here - and doesn't call for Daddy when thing go wrong (maybe she knows he'd be useless Twisted Evil )
But she does like other male role model especially the ones who are Dad's and act like I feel Dad's should do ( that breaks my heart Neutral )
Fortunately, there are plenty around Yes

bunnigirlbunnigirl
posted 9 years 4 months ago
i think so is a good idea yeah but i dont think it will give them problems or anything in later life if they dont have one babe

xxx

Kelly_CaitKelly_Cait
posted 9 years 4 months ago
I think so too, Cait loves her granddad and my brother for that matter, dunno if that is cause my bro is only 12 and will play with her.

But she was really attached to Liam, and even some of my mates that are guys, did go throu a period of calling my best mate dad.

AlexAlex Moderator
posted 9 years 3 months ago
I had Joseph crying for an hour this morning because he misses his Grandad Crying It broke my heart. I feel so bad that I cant give him what he needs/wants the most. All he wants is some 'MAN' time. I dont know what to do anymore about it. Crying I just want Joseph to be happy and at the moment he is not. Sad

Bri25Bri25
posted 8 years 10 months ago
I believe they do

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