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Mother living in America and making me feel guilty

mollykathleemollykathlee
posted 9 years 7 months ago
Hi All

I was just wondering if anyone else was in the same boat as me. I am American living in here in Essex. My Mom is on her own living in Pennsylvania. She really makes me feel bad and quite guilty as she goes on about not knowing what is going on with me and my pregnancy. I email her daily and update her on things and call her every few weeks. Yet, she says that she misses me and my husband terribly and doesn't feel a part of our lives like she is missing out. Today her neighbour actually emailed me and told me I should call my Mom more often as she feels so left out. Am I really being a bad daugther? This is how I feel at the moment. What can I do about this because it really has me very upset which is not good for the baby. Any advice is greatly
appreciated!

best
Molly


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Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 9 years 7 months ago
u have moved away from her too hun! the diference is,shes still got the same family and friends - where as u,u have started a new!! had to meet new people,leave everything u knew! how does she think u are feeling!

its hard moving away - for you and for those you leave behind - but just say the above to your mum.she thinks shes got it bad - you have nobody! theres mothers and daughters out there who have nothing to do with eachother - you 2 are just a phonecall/email away... and im sure you visit eachother when you can dont you! have you thort about video calling eachother? doing it via video mobile or even online? maybe that way you wont feel so apart from eachother.

it all comes down to you doing what is best for you and your family - not the family you had (your parents) but your future family (ur fella & kids).

mollykathleemollykathlee
posted 9 years 7 months ago
Hi Hayley

Well, I have lived in the UK for over 9 years and she visits me once a year and I go and see her over Christmas. It's not as if she never gets over here. Also, she is coming over in July after the baby is born to help out a bit. I don't think video mobile or webcams will work as she would never get them to work and would refuse to understand how they work. She's most comfortable with email and telephone calls. I really don't know what else to do.

Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 9 years 7 months ago
theres nothing u can do hun - sounds like shes got her mind set on making u feel guilty and her feeling unhappy - its understanable but uv lived here for 9yrs!!! surely shes over it now!! but i suppose the thort of you being preg is bringing it back is it? will it be her first grandchild? are you an only child?

mollykathleemollykathlee
posted 9 years 7 months ago
Hi again

Yeah, it's her first grandchild and I am an only child. She never married so she doesn't have a husband but does have a lot of friends and is active in church and with volunteer work. She pulled this same guilt trip when I got married last year and it made our lives hell. I was always very upset. Also, the in laws caught on to the guilt and that didn't settle with them. It's just going to happen again now and I still have a way to go yet with the pregnancy. ugh!

Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 9 years 7 months ago
just dont let her get to you hun - tell her of the stress she is causing you and ask her if she really wants to be the cause of this to her unborn grandchild!

stress is no good to anyone,especially a pregnant woman.id give her an ultimatum of either grow up and get on with it or carry on the way she is doing... and one day,shes gonna lose you - your obviously loking to the future of your family... and the way things are going, shes wont be apart of that if she carrys on tell her! if she really feels shes got nobody - why doesnt she move to england? why did u move here? was it a job opportunity or is ur fella from here?

mollykathleemollykathlee
posted 9 years 7 months ago
I moved here to pursue a masters degree 9 years ago and met my husband eight years ago. I've been working over here since. Immigration law is very complicated and it would be very difficult to bring her over. She's very well aware of it because it's been a huge hassle for me getting work permits, visas etc. Also, the big thing is that her life is in the US. It would be rediculous for her to leave her life there and she knows it

Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 9 years 7 months ago
its stupid isnt it - the hassle you have had gettin a visa for education and work - and then the amount of illegal immegrants we have and the government doesnt bat an eyelid!! would u ever go bak to america or do u see ur life here now?

mollykathleemollykathlee
posted 9 years 7 months ago
It is very annoying. It's very expensive and stressful going through the process and yet some immigrants just waltz in to the country and we supply them with the benefits. Having said that it's exactly the same in the US! I do see my life as being here in the UK and I really have no desire to return to America to live. I enjoy visitng and that's it. Whereabouts in the UK do you live?

Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 9 years 7 months ago
i live stoke-on-trent in the midlands (home town to robbie williams LOL!) its ok here,but we are hoping to move away.im a stay at home mum but kevs work always has him going here there and everywhere,theyre after a few permanent fault managers in warrington,nottingham and somewhere else i cant think of the name of - its just a case of us loking into it more.Kevs been looking into going to australia but i think thats a little too far from home!!

where is it you live now?

hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 9 years 7 months ago
Hey hun, are you from PA originally? I'm in Maryland... spent some time in Essex when I was 12 and I loved it over there Thumbs Up

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