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At breaking point now

mystery24mystery24
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
Hi
I really need some advice because my boyfriend is doing my head in. We live my mother who is a nightmare to live with. We got to sort alot out before moving out. We really can't afford it right now aswell. We have a baby boy who is 7 months old.

It all started when my baby was born my mum started interfering with the baby. My boyfriend started getting fed up with her telling me what to do with the baby. He now is worse now because everyday he comes home and moans about her. He says to me that when he comes in she dont say hi to him she just ignores. Which I do see but I am stuck in the middle. He is more upset that when he has the baby she talks to the baby so the baby is not interested in him. He said that he cant have a minutes piece with the baby without her coming over. Which I understand is because while I am at home all day she gets to see the baby all day.
I am getting so fed up yesterday you want to see the looks i kept getting from my boyfriend. He said my mum was going over to the baby while I was out of the room and kissing him and he really didnt get time alone with the baby. I do understand what he is saying and told my mum that leave him alone with the baby stop going over and talking to the baby etc. He gets upset he gets no time alone with his son. Even he sent me a text and I was in the kitchen. I knew it was from him and he said someones texted your phone. so I looked and he said something about my mum and I was just eating my dinner. So I got up said I am going to the shop. I did go shop but bought a can of stella. He is getting on my nerves and I told him last night tommorow me and the baby are going and leaving you too alone.
I do understand what he says we get no privacy because my mum just walks in the room sometimes does not even knock. We get no time alone with the baby and if we go out she acts so selfish like she will not cook for herself. My mother is really doing my head in too its so long to explain. She walks around in a mood and sometimes she say these comments. my baby is 7 months old now and my mum bought a toy for a 3 year which I said was a nice toy but he is still too young for it. Then my mum friend got a toy for our baby and apparently my mum was showing my BF and he said but its for a 5 year old. Which then she told him you two buy his toys then. Its like she does not have any sense. There is load going on but how do i deal with her and him. They both doing my head in my mum even acts like a child. I am sorry but fed up with being told I dont know what to cook. She does so many things that upset me. With my mum I feel so angry all the time and she make me snap. My boyfriend moans at me to the point I end up walking out or breaking down. Can you give me advice


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Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
if you want the truth... i think your takin all this out on the wrong person...all your boyfriend wants is to look after his family - your mum is in the way and she needs to be told to back off.why cant u rent somewhere? there are many housing associations or the council where,depedning on your circumstances,u will get housing benefits.everyone can get there own place,wether its a dingey flat or ur dream home,if u really want ur relationship to work u would tell your mum exactly what she is doing and that your going to find your own place so you can be a proper family without the interfering.

my son and fiance come before anyone to me,and if anybody ever interfered with my family like this then i would make things clear to them.just think of your baby,how is he gonna grow up... ur mum doesnt allow ur partner to do anything with the baby,that babys soon gonna start thinking 'daddy doesnt ever want to play with me'.if u cant speak to your mum,write her a letter.either way,she needs to be told to back off,shes ruining your relationship and will start to ruin your childs life too.

mystery24mystery24
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
Hi

Thanks for your advice

I know its not my boyfriend but I just dont know how do deal with it. He is really upset the way he cant spend time with his son on his own. My BF just rang to say he will be coming home soon and to avoil the situation I just want to go out. I know my mum is being really bad right now.

My BF and I even talked about if she decided she wanted him out and I said I would go with him. My mum is lonely but she had plenty of time to go out and stuff. My mum is only interested in the baby anyway i can talk to her and her mind is somewhere else. She does not listen to what I say she does lie about washing her hands because she has done it before. I left my baby with my mum at carnival for the first time. Which was good but we are very over protective with our son. She offers to have him but we think that if she saying she does wash her hands after smoking then she will lie to use about smoking around the baby. I want to go and get a housing form but its alot of hassle I just think they will not move me. I told my mum recently I am getting a form and she told me not too. She dont want us to go and she knows how difficult its going to be so think I am stuck.

Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
i dont think its a case of not moving cuz ur mum says she doesnt want u to go.for a start,if she is smoking in the same house as your child you need to put your foot down immediately on this one.yes its her house - but its your childs health.dont hesitate in getting a form,get one and fill it in.your being daft if you dont and your just as much to blame by putting your parnter and your son thru it all and doing nothing about it.i know it sounds a little harsh of me but u need a kick up your backside.stop thinking of your mother and start thinking of your future.do u want to carry on living a life of unhappiness,your child will pick up on it and it clearly isnt a good atmosphere to have him in is it.

start thinking and realise whats going on.if you dont change it your gonna suffer.

angelbabyangelbaby
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
Move out- please!!! I completely agree with hayley, and I sympathise with your boyfriend because she is not his mum, he can't really say anything to her for fear of offending you, he is in a really tricky situation. I'm sure your mum adores the baby but I'm sorry, its completely wrong for her to be taking over, smoking, buying wrongly aged toys etc.. (toys have age limits because of choking hazards etc..its common sense!).

I'm sorry to hear that your mum is lonely but she needs to try to widen her social circle and make some friends of her own, she cannot live her life through you. You have other priorities now- a son and a partner and these have to come first. Talk to her, tell her that you love her and appreciate how much she loves that baby and feel blessed to have her in your life but that you and your partner need your own space and need quality time to spend together as a family. If you moved out and fixed a regular weekly time to meet up with her then maybe she wouldn't feel so bad about it. If you emphasise to her how much you want her in your life and in the baby's life I'm sure she'll feel less insecure about it. It sounds to me like she's scared of losing you and the little one and is taking it out on your partner who she thinks is the cause of any possible separation. If moving out is really impossible for financial reasons at the moment then you're going to have to impose some firm boundaries, eg. Friday, and saturdays nights is your time alone with your partner and baby for example and if she tries to take over those times, be polite but firm that you love her but this is your time for the three of you to spend alone together. If you continue to remain firm but pleasant in the end it will become a routine and she'll get used to it. However, to be honest, I think moving out is your best option as this constant battle could end up splitting you up as a couple if this continues. Hayley is right, your partner just wants to support and provide for his family, its totally natural and to constantly be undermined must feel really horrible. I know its hard being in the middle but I think if you do have some space away from your mum, you'll feel alot more pleased to see her when you do meet up and your relationship will prob get better once you have a bit of distance. At the moment, your're all together, all the time, so everyone gets on each others nerves.
I know what this situation can be like, I've been through it myself and you really do have to be firm! Good luck! Kiss

hapydazyhapydazy Moderator
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
OMG! Hun, you're Mom sounds very much like mine and I can say that if you want your partnership to work, you need to do what you have to do to get you guys your own place. This really sounds like a mentally unhealthy situation for every one involved. I love my mom dearly but she is a very bitter person and very opinionated, honestly if my mother and I even lived with in miles of each other we would not be speaking at this point. She's there for me when I need her emotionally but we do so much better with distance. I think that may be the same case with you and your mom... she is trying to run your lives and you are a mom and need to run your life with your partner and your baby so that you guys can have a happy family life together.

Your are not stuck, you can make a move, just have to use the resources that are out there and it sounds like there are other options... I'm in the US so I don't know about housing and stuff there, just go fill out every form you can for assistance, it will be a hassle but I think it will definately be worth it in the long run for your family.

Good luck hun, let us know how things go Hug

mystery24mystery24
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
Thankyou you are not being harsh I needed to hear this.

Yesterday my mum bought babyfood for the baby and when i told my BF he was like why she keep buying stuff for him. I understand why he is so upset she is underminding him. He does feel left out when the baby wants her and he told me I would only realise when the baby starts calling my mum 'Mum'.

I understand what every is say but I have so much anger at the moment I feel like I am losing it as it is. On monday I will go and get a form from the housing place. My BF was the one who told me the last time I applied to tell them not to come for the visit and to to say I needed my mum.
He is worried he will not be able to avoid the rent if we get our own place. So maybe I should start thinking about starting work. I am getting bored at home too. Go to work on his days off and some evening because we do need the money.

Hayley_KevHayley_Kev
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
look hun,dont worry about u getting a job,there are ways around paying the rent.there r people out there who can help,especially a houseing association.u will be entitled to housing benefit and get some of your rent reduced if not all of it aswel as council tax benefit ontop of that,youve got working tax as hes the only one who works,so if u want to stay at home to give your son one on one attention then u do that!

im a stay at home mum.my partner works,but luckily hes got a great job.we are not entitled to any benefits but i did apply just in case we were.i say to anybody,no matter wethwer u think u aint entitled to give it a go - youl be surprised at what money youve got owing to you!

mystery24mystery24
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
Thanks again for your advice.

I can't go on like this anymore. I will go monday and get the BF to have the baby and get the form.

EmmieEmmie
posted 1 decade 1 week ago
Hun how old are you?

Sounds to me that you really need to make deciosns on what you want for your baby rahter than your mum making choices.

Yes she has been off some help but i think you should put your foot down and tell her that the baby is YOURS and boyfriends

Good luck with housing, i think moving out will do a world off good and improve you, boyfriends and babys relationship

be strong hun you can do this !

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