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long TTC, looking for options

bethanybethany
posted 1 month 2 weeks ago
Hello girls! I'm new to this community. I'm looking for advice and support. I'm 28 years old, married, have no children. My husband and I have been in TTC for almost 6 years already. We had 5 cycles of IVF and all unsuccessful. Each failure was unbearable. It was getting worse each other time... I feel myself miserable. My husband comforts me all the time and I appreciate his support. But I feel so ashamed I can't give him children. We've been together since college. All this time we were dreaming and planning to have big happy family. But all these years we had only sadness, failed TTC and loss of money. We work so hard! Andy(my husband) comes home late at night, because he needs to earn as much as he can on each try of IVF... We are so tired of all these. I understand some couples try much longer and spend much more...But I think it's enough IVF tries for us. We discussed our situation and came to the conclusion that childless life is not for us. So there is only one thing left. It's surrogacy. But here we have one more problem - prices. Costs for surrogacy in USA are huge! $100 000 for the procedure is prohibitive price for us. Speaking about India, it has been closed for foreigners recently. Mexico? After reading some reviews we doubt to go there. Greece? Yes, prices are lower, but not that much. $80 000 is a lot... We'll need money for our baby in future. Giving all money for the procedure and then have no ability to maintain our child is not a good choice. Furthermore we'll probably need to take a loan to pay such price. All money we had were spent for IVF attempts. So there are Russia and Ukraine left... Their prices are lower, which is good. But still I have some doubts...I want to talk with somebody, who've had surrogacy in those countries. Is here anybody who experienced this procedure there? Any advice?


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Camila707Camila707
posted 1 month 1 week ago
I'm sorry for your failed IVF attempts. It's unbearable feeling, when you hope for good, but it never happens. I can't have children too( I was born without an uterus. I just don't have it and this changes everything. I didn't think about having kids till I met my husband. But still I knew something wrong with my body and, when I'll have my own family, I will face some problems inevitably. I met Mike when I was 24. We've been together for 6 years already. First year of our relationships I had been lying to him. It was my biggest mistake… I had been pretending that I'm like the other girls. Once per month I 'had' pain in stomach and bad mood. Only now I see how stupid it was… My husband was the first who talked about having children. I can't tell in words what I felt at that moment. I had dozens of questions in my head. 'Should I tell him now?', 'Should I continue my lie?', 'What will happen when he finds out?' I had been lying half of year more. I pretended I have no clue why we can't conceive. He even thought he was the one who has problems with health. And that was last straw. I told him the truth and we had a huge quarrel. I thought I lost him forever… But love turned out to be stronger! I had never lied to my husband again. After consultation with a doctor and some discussions we decided, that surrogacy is our only solution. We decided to look for clinics abroad. We were afraid to contact agencies, because there are too many scammers and fake agencies. We also decided to concentrate on Russia and Ukraine. Their prices are much lower. But speaking about Russia, we crossed it off of our list. Russian legislation has a law, which gives surrogate mother same rights for baby as parents have. So sm can leave a baby to herself if she wants. We chose Ukrainian clinic. We read many reviews about it and also this clinic has high rates of successful treatments. Our baby was born last year! So we are happy parents now)

bethanybethany
posted 1 month 1 week ago
I'm glad your story has a happy ending! You made me believe mine will have it too. I didn't know Russia has such a law! Thank you a lot for telling. It's weird some stranger can just grab your child. And the scariest thing is you can do nothing about it, because her actions are legal. We've also heard about fraudsters. There are so many stories of poor people, who gave them all money and didn't get what they wanted. Since India is closed for foreigners now, Ukraine is gaining popularity among infertile couples. Furthermore, there are many reviews that their surrogates are checked carefully. I can't say same thing about Indian surrogates. May I ask which clinic did you choose? What did you like and what not? How was their service? I will appreciate any help!

catsychcatsych
posted 1 month 1 week ago
Sad to hear about your infertility struggles at this young age. I am not used to see women at their 20 dealing with infertility as for me it is more of an age issue however I admit that there is a lot to it which I do not know and I am really sad and proud of you kind of that you have managed to go through all of that and still you haven’t given up!
Keep it up girl!
PS I think that Ukraine is better out of these two just because in Russia there are some controversial laws and they are banning surrogacy as I was told. So it is not the best environment to commence surrogacy treatment at all.

bethanybethany
posted 1 month 1 week ago

catsych said:
Sad to hear about your infertility struggles at this young age. I am not used to see women at their 20 dealing with infertility as for me it is more of an age issue however I admit that there is a lot to it which I do not know and I am really sad and proud of you kind of that you have managed to go through all of that and still you haven’t given up!
Keep it up girl!
PS I think that Ukraine is better out of these two just because in Russia there are some controversial laws and they are banning surrogacy as I was told. So it is not the best environment to commence surrogacy treatment at all.

Thank you so much for your support! It means a lot for me. I'm so happy I decided to come here and post on forum. It was so hard to keep everything inside. I knew friends just won't understand. Finally I can talk with people who can support and give advice. Thank you for information! I'll definitely concieder it!

Camila707Camila707
posted 1 month 1 week ago

bethany said:
I'm glad your story has a happy ending! You made me believe mine will have it too. I didn't know Russia has such a law! Thank you a lot for telling. It's weird some stranger can just grab your child. And the scariest thing is you can do nothing about it, because her actions are legal. We've also heard about fraudsters. There are so many stories of poor people, who gave them all money and didn't get what they wanted. Since India is closed for foreigners now, Ukraine is gaining popularity among infertile couples. Furthermore, there are many reviews that their surrogates are checked carefully. I can't say same thing about Indian surrogates. May I ask which clinic did you choose? What did you like and what not? How was their service? I will appreciate any help!
I'm always ready to help so please ask whatever you need) Recently I was in your shoes. Thanks to kind women, which gave me advices, my surrogacy process finished with positive result. We had surrogacy in BioTexCom. Maybe you've heard about this clinic, there are many reviews about it in the internet. The only thing we kinda dislike was long lines. There were so many people. But from the other side it's good. It means people go there so the clinic is well-known in its field. We were completely satisfied with their services and attitude. We were met in the airport and then taxi was carrying us across Kiev. Also we were provided with accommodation and food. They even gave us smartphones with Ukrainian phone numbers to ease our communication! And the most important was that we had no problems with language barrier! We had a manager, young and very kind girl, who was translating for us and answering our questions. I don't know what would we've done without her) Their doctors are good professionals and also the clinic has modern equipment. So we have no claims at all.

bethanybethany
posted 1 month 1 week ago
Yes, I've read a lot about this clinic. Everything sounds pretty good. How much did you pay for surrogacy itself? And how much did all those services(I mean taxi, translator, accommodation and so on) cost to you? Did you like housing? Maybe it's better to stay in hotel? Usually they give you the worst to save money) And how long did it take for them to find surrogate mother for you? Did they give you chance to choose her by yourself? I've heard that sometimes search can take half of a year and more. I'm ready to wait as much as needed! I understand that this process takes some time. Somebody waits for years. This is one of the biggest outcomes of infertility…But still we want all process go fast so we can have our baby with us)

Camila707Camila707
posted 1 month 1 week ago
They have packages for all services. There are 3 packages in general. Economy package for 29 900, standard for 39 900 and vip for 49 900. We've chosen standard. We liked that you shouldn't pay all sum at once. Whole amount is divided into 5 parts. It was easier to pay in this way. All those services were included in our package. We didn't pay additional fees. You shouldn't worry about housing! Our apt had all needed facilities and modern design. By the way you can check it by yourself. I remember there were some pics of villas on their website. They found sm for us in 2.5 months. We didn't expect it will be so fast! We thought we'll have to wait longer. So it was great surprise when our program coordinator contacted us to tell us such great news!

bethanybethany
posted 1 month 1 week ago
Such a relief! I thought this services cost a lot. But what is the difference? For example between standard and vip? I've looked through photos on their website. Honestly saying I was surprised! I didn't expect to see so cool design. And also the clinic looks very modern and 'european' on the pics. I'm glad to know it didn't take long for them to find surrogate mother. 2-3 months are not that big period of time. Did your surrogate mother live with you till delivery?

Camila707Camila707
posted 1 month 1 week ago
I don't remember all details about vip package. I know that the clinic finds surrogate mother, who has already had a positive surrogacy experience. Needed blood tests are performed by the coming nurse domiciliary. So you won't have to stay in lines. Also the clinic provides all stuff for new born baby. Also parents are provided with the 24/7 phone consultation of a leading English-speaking pediatrician. Also there is such service in VIP package as babysitter from 9 AM till 6 PM. In standard package, babysitter comes for only 4 hours/day. I forgot to tell you that we didn't choose sm by ourselves. Her appearance is not important in the procedure. The only thing which matters is her health. So the doctor chose sm for us. Also the clinic provided us with all details about condition of sm and our baby girl at least once per month. Our sm lived with her family during the whole program. She has her family, her kids, so it was better for her to stay with them.

bethanybethany
posted 1 month 1 week ago
I should say vip package looks more 'comfortable'. I hate standing in lines! And also the fact that surrogate mother had already experienced surrogacy gives more confidence in success of procedure. It must be hard to be so far away from your baby even if it wasn't born yet… But you have the point here. It's better for sm to stay home. Were there problems with documents for your child? I have no clue how to organize all needed documents in Ukraine. I have so much fear somebody will just take away my baby right in the airport. I understand I'm thinking up the problem…But I'm so nervous! I want everything to be perfect... or at least to be prepared to possible complications. And what about safety? I know there is war in Ukraine, so maybe now is not the best time to go there…I like this clinic, all sounds pretty good. And their prices are so much lower than in US what gave me lots of hope for future parenting. But while watching news, it seems dangerous to be there.

Camila707Camila707
posted 1 month 1 week ago
You're right it was very hard to be hundreds miles away from our baby. But we came on planned ultrasounds twice. This helped me to calm down a little and nervous less. The clinic provided us with assistance in the Ukrainian civil registry office to obtain the child’s birth certificate. And of course they helped us in getting a travel pass for our baby. They provided us with housing and food supply during all our visits. This was also already included in our package, so no additional payments. Speaking about war, it's absolutely safe in Kiev. The hostilities take place in east part of Ukraine. So you have nothing to worry about. Just concentrate on your surrogacy procedure) We are fully satisfied with everything. We felt really cozy there. We had no panic considering such questions like were to go or what should we do next or what did she said))) Our program coordinator and other staff were guiding us all the time.

monica13monica13
posted 2 weeks 4 hours ago
hi Bethany,
i have really felt the pain you go through. others have had the same experience and through sharing, they have been helped. i can bet you need to try an option that most women now seek for the ivf.

as one who underwent the same, though with the full support of my hubby, i got a referral to a clinic in central Kiev in Ukraine. the biotech clinic as it is referred not only have fair rates but can assure you of repeated trails all on the same price.
through their persistence, there is 100% chance of success. as it is, you only need to book your flight to Kiev after that the rest the clinic handles including your accommodating costs.
another element with the clinic is that they have a wide range of surrogacy and male fertility solutions that couples seek.
like most Kiev clinics, their language interpreters will be at hand to help bridge the communication gap as well. i wish you luck in this. we are together in this..

bethanybethany
posted 1 week 16 hours ago

monica13 said:
hi Bethany,
i have really felt the pain you go through. others have had the same experience and through sharing, they have been helped. i can bet you need to try an option that most women now seek for the ivf.

as one who underwent the same, though with the full support of my hubby, i got a referral to a clinic in central Kiev in Ukraine. the biotech clinic as it is referred not only have fair rates but can assure you of repeated trails all on the same price.
through their persistence, there is 100% chance of success. as it is, you only need to book your flight to Kiev after that the rest the clinic handles including your accommodating costs.
another element with the clinic is that they have a wide range of surrogacy and male fertility solutions that couples seek.
like most Kiev clinics, their language interpreters will be at hand to help bridge the communication gap as well. i wish you luck in this. we are together in this..
Hi Monica! Thank you so much for your reply. We've contacted biotexcom and received answer from them. We'll fly to Ukraine in a couple of days. Tickets are bought, bags are packed. I should say I'm very nervous. But your post gives me hope that the only thing we will care about will be surrogacy. We won't have to worry about where to stay or how to talk with doctors. I'll make a post as soon as we come back home! Girls, thank you for all information and support!

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